'Tool' Doc Has Eyes on Chris & Rihanna
By Maggie Coughlan Posted Aug 26th 2009 03:06PM
The first thing usually is that most tools are cheating. They basically are acting like adolescents and you're the mum. If you're the girl, usually a good way to spot one is that you feel like you're being his mum and that means he's being very much an adolescent. Probably your family doesn't approve of him. He can't be pinned down to times, duties, dates so he's a commitment-phobe. He's probably got spiky hair and big muscles and spends more time in front of the mirror than you do. He probably pretends to his friends that he doesn't have a girlfriend.
Is there a certain type of person who's attracted to tools?
Yes, it's called a 'couple fit.' It's an unconscious fit. We're always drawn unconsciously to make up something that we don't have. So the girl will love all of the 'toolishness.' Actually, she'll be attracted by his 'toolishness' at first and that will be the sort of unconscious glue that will bring her to him and then of course it all unfolds and 'oh blast, he's this, he's that, he's the other.' Usually in her, she will be actually someone who's insecure, who wants someone if he's a loud mouth and he's busy out in the club, she wants some of that. She thinks 'Oh goody that will be nice, that will rub off on me 'cause I'm a bit mousey, I'm a bit shy.' Eventually it's like 'Oh sh*t! He's a loud mouth and is not paying any attention to me' and that's when the work starts to be done in the relationship, that's when the struggles start. Out come her insecurities and what she was hoping to get from him and then she realizes 'Oh dear, he's just as insecure as I am.' There's quite an intricate little niche. We call it a couple fit.
Do the guys on Tool Academy admit they're tools?
He doesn't to anyone else but himself. That's the beauty of it really. I think all of them know they're tools and don't really want to be a tool actually.
Can a female be a tool?
I think definitely females can be tools. We're being a bit traditional when we only say its men. Nowadays women have taken on the male role so women cheat, women ignore, are non-communicative, they aren't caring and thoughtful and loving the way that you'd expect a woman in be in a relationship. For the guy, he feels untaken care of and disrespected, so it would work the other way around for sure for women. I'm sure many man would feel they're dating a tool.
What's the biggest issue the couples are facing in Season 2? More cheating?
I see it as cheating isn't an issue, it's a symptom. In some ways, yes that symptom is always there. Yes, loads of these guys are cheating, but the underlying issues are feelings of inadequacy, intimacy. The biggest thing is that most people can't do intimacy and that means to a therapist, closeness...one on one. Cheating is when you split it and you dilute it. It could be with your children, it could be with your mother-in-law, it's often cheating because you can't do the intensity of one-on-one or everything that's bad is highlighted, so you split it up, dilute it and you go off with somebody else 'cause they think you're quite good for the moment. Cheating is a sort of diversion. Yes, that's all in place, but a lot of these in the second series have a lot of other areas that are just as juicy. The other symptoms are just as vibrant.
How do you manage to stay so composed during these incredibly emotional therapy sessions?
You'll see this season it's wow, it's bigger, larger, faster...my therapy room is crazy. There was a lot more to make my jaw drop in this season. There were one or two--I'm not gonna give it away--there were one or two times that I nearly lost it. Generally speaking, because I'm with them, I'm actually feeling all their pain and horror alongside them. I kinda feel I'm in it. When you watch it, I'm falling off my perch laughing because actually watching somebody really suffer, we find it funny. That's why we like these shows, it IS funny. It's like 'Oh thank God it's her and not me.' But when I'm in it, I actually don't find it funny, thank goodness.
Any words for celebrity tools?
I guess people aren't tools until they say they are. With celebrities, you never know inside story. Maybe they're reacting appropriately by being a tool, you never know the other side of the story. We on the outside look in and I think that's much more exciting. Why do we want to know they're a tool? What could we learn? It's much more the process of looking at someone else, as like we do on the reality show. We're all the time trying to work out what am I doing wrong? Is he like me? Is he like my partner? Not to say I won't judge a celebrity, but it's not a therapeutic stance.
Any celebrity couple you'd love to have a session with?
Chris and Rihanna, I'd love to counsel obviously. I'd love to understand the relationship of a few top ones, I'm always fascinated by Brad and Angelina Jolie, I'm always fascinated by those two. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. As a therapist, I'd love to understand their fit and how they react because all we see as a viewer are the symptoms. As a therapist, you don't counsel the symptoms, you counsel the root cores. I can't see the root cores cause I don't have enough of the tools. I'd love to be counseling them and see how it all fits together.
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