Five Ways Kanye West Can Bounce Back

By Tricia Romano Posted Sep 15th 2009 03:47PM

After all his outbursts in the last few years, we should probably rename the Video Music Awards the Kanye West Show. While Kanye's latest eruption during Taylor Swift's acceptance speech won him no fans -- even though some thought his sentiment (that Beyonce should have won) was right -- Kanye's name is on everyone's (rhymes with hit) list. So, PopEater came up with five things Kanye can do to revamp his image.

1. Eat a fat, gooey slice of humble pie. Start doing the talk shows (the Jay Leno appearance last night was a good start), and start making fun of yourself a la Paris Hilton. Appear contrite. Take acting lessons if you have to. Get on 'SNL' and do a skit where you diss yourself. Show us that you are like Lady Gaga -- that Kanye West is not the same thing as "Kanye West." Point out that you aren't really taking everything so seriously. Repent, repent, repent.

2. Use your need for publicity for the better good. Do charity, and lots of it. Visit the troops. Donate money and music. It's also probably a good idea to do something to win back the country music community who think you're the worst person on earth right now. If Kanye can use his big mouth for something other than stealing the spotlight from another star, people might like him a lot more.

3. Start writing your blog like a normal person. HEY KANYE WHEN YOU WRITE YOUR BLOG IN ALL CAPS IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE MAD AND YELLING AT US AND OUCH IT HURTS OUR EARS/EYES AND EVEN IF YOU ARE WRITING SOMETHING THAT MAKES SENSE YOU COME OFF LIKE A CRAZY PERSON WHO JUST INJECTED FIVE CUPS OF COFFEE DIRECTLY INTO YOUR VEINS. OMG WILL YOU PLEASE STOP THAT! We think Kanye secretly knows that this is true because his first apology to Taylor was in ALL CAPS LOCK, and his second one, more brief, seemed more sincere simply by turning off the Caps key. So, Kanye make a habit of it, and people might not think you are shouting all the time.

4. Get a new wardrobe and girlfriend (or at least a new wardrobe for your girlfriend). First, you have to lose the shades. Only jerks wear sunglasses at night, and when people can't see your eyes, they can't see the windows to your soul -- and right now, people aren't even sure if you have a soul. Secondly, showing up to every event with a girlfriend who wears either nothing or catsuits that leave nothing to the imagination is doing nothing to endear you to Middle Americans who don't watch porn all day long. We suggest Natalie Portman on your arm for your next high-profile event. She's smart and nice, classy, and drop-dead gorgeous.

5. Get a column in a magazine. Explain to everyone how you really feel instead of resorting to mic-grabbing and ALL CAPS LOCK. It works for Diablo Cody. If you believe that Beyonce is one of the best artists of our time, we would like to hear about that (because we agree) and would like for you do it in a way that does not hurt innocent teen stars.

Love, PopEater

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Kanye Says the Darndest Things

"It hurts me to see the old and very wrong version of the 'Paranoid' video get leaked all over the net... It's just frustrating when this stuff happens because I really care about the product." -- on an Internet leak of his new video starring Rihanna.

Shareif Ziyadat, FilmMagic

Kanye Mr. Humble' West

Shareif Ziyadat, FilmMagic

"Can't we give Chris a break? ... I know I make mistakes in life." -- on Chris Brown's alleged assault on Rihanna, and the media coverage surrounding it

Getty Images

"Please i beg you, give me a break!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let me be great!!! Who have i hurt so bad that they want to destroy me? Who have i ever spoke about so negatively? I just was speaking with our new president two days ago... And now this." -- disputing a false quote alleging he'd do bisexual porn

Getty Images

"I believe I am the greatest entertainer of this generation. I go neck-and-neck on Jay-Z and [Lil] Wayne as far as who's the best lyricist," Kanye West said in VIBE magazine's February issue.

Lester Cohen, Wire Image

"I am protecting my personal space since there are no laws to protect that for me," West said. "The fact that [a photographer] could get me arrested off a mere complaint, but I can't ask him to stop taking pictures of me is very lopsided." -- defending his recent scuffle with the paparazzi

Gustavo Caballero, Getty Images

"There were people who had the potential to do it but they went on vacation, so when Justin [Timberlake] went on vacation I made albums, and it just came out to be that." -- on Timberlake's supposed failure to become music's top dog due to a lack of new albums.

Getty Images (2)

"I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade, I will be the loudest voice." -- quote from a Nov. 12 interview.

Mike Marsland, Getty Images

"It's me settling into that position of just really accepting that it's one thing to say you want to do it and it's another thing to really end up being like Michael Jordan." -- quote from a Nov. 12 interview.

Noel Vasquez, Getty Images

"If I was more complacent and I let things slide, my life would be easier, but you all wouldn't be as entertained. My misery is your pleasure."-- quote from a 2006 Rolling Stone interview

Amy Sussman, Getty Images

"We were obviously dealing with f------ idiots who didn't really have the capacity to really put on this show properly. They tried 2 give me a time slot were it was still light outside. I have a f------ light show dumb a---, it's not called glow in the dark for no reason squid brains." -- blaming the organizers for Bonnaroo problems.

Jeff Kravitz, FilmMagic.com

Tags: kanye west, KanyeWest, taylor swift, TaylorSwift, vmas

Comments

(112)

Tuesday 15 September

By rdduck

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Everyone should stop picking on poor little Kanye. It's obvious he just wanted Taylor to write a song about him so he could be famous some day, too.

By deborah hernandez

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Don't be ridiculous...Kanye said it, was honest.Admitted his rudeness. Poor little Taylor, should of stood up ,for her poor little self! She picked a hard business. Take it like a Celeb..Kanye made that girl more famous...Now, I have to see more Taylor....F'ing Great!!

By Sam

This article is completely ridiculous. Why in heavens name are we looking for ways to help poor Kanye revamp his image?! It's absurd! The guy is a total, ridiculous a**hole loser. It's like saying "What can we do to help Hitler fix up his tarnished reptutation? I mean, after all, he was a great leader and an inspirational speaker." (Yes, I realize the comparison is extreme - just trying to make a point (badly)). I mean, really -- can you imagine being at a silly awards show and having the nerve to get up and take the mike away from one of the winners? Who thinks like that? If he is really, truly sorry for his behavior (and how many times have we been through this already?) - he would acknowledge he has a major ego problem, and GET HELP. (He is like the alcoholic or drug-addict who keeps apologizing for their behaviou, but never really checking into rehab or therapy). He is not saying he is sorry because he feels true remorse - he is doing it because he (quickly) realized he was in hot s**t popularity wise, and wanted to salvage his image.

By Zoot

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Kanye tries so hard to be ghetto but he cannot quite pull it off.

By jim

who the hell is this jack ass

By COMMON SENSE

And who is the genius to proclaim that Beyonce deserved to win? I think her video was the usual stuff ive seen thousands of times before and in no way deserved to win!

By Jackie

It would have been great if Taylor would have pushed his a** right off the stage. I would have.

By SAGe

West picked on a classy young woman. Had he done that to Pink, he would have been on his a$$. Don't you get why he picked Taylor. Arrogant, ignorant, ill mannered bully. Can you image him pulling a stunt like that on Kid Rock. Of course not because he is an abusive little coward.

By mcrforeverr

atf least he apoligized. but i cant belive taylor let him away with it. shes 2 nice i guess. I HATE KANYE WEST. HES GONNA DO THIS EVERY YEAR U KNO!

By Larry

Bounce back? I'll show you bounce back - throw this worthless, self-important moron off the top of the Empire State Building - that's the best way for him to make a splash in the big time.

By tlc

I was at a free concert that Kanye put on in Chicago for inner city "A" students. You would've thought he was Gandhi. I say that as an olive branch to the haters out there. He was completely wrong and should have his head examined. If Taylor can find it in her heart to forgive than so should the rest of us. The man can be immature, but he isn't evil. Peace

By PeanutButter&Jelly

WHY IS THIS ALL ABOUT FORGIVENESS WITH YOU? IF THE RACES WOULD HAVE BEEN REVERSED, YOU WOULD PROBABLY BE YELLING FOR JUSTICE!

Wednesday 16 September

By Kate

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Prior to this outburst, Kanye was photographed slugging from a bottle of Brandy. Mr. West will bounce back after he bounces into Rehab.... Substance Abuse is the real problem here.

By icdou007

WHAT A BUNCH OF GREAT ENTERTAINERS WE HAVE.......LETS SEE..................................
CHRIS BROWN, BEATS THE HECK OUT OF HIS GIRLFRIEND....
KAYNE WEST......AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN, BEING AN ASS.

WHY AS A SOCIETY DO WE KEEP REWARDING THESE PEOPLE.

By Kelly

He stole her "moment"! Did you see that poor girls face??? He did something that he cannot take back! And f'ing Beyonce just sat there all like laughing and looking flattered!!! Both of them are trailer trash! If this would have been a Black singer getting the award with a white guy jumping on stage they would have called this RACISM/RACIST REMARK!!! I am sooooooooooooooooooo sick of it all!!!

By K

I think you are imagining something. Beyonce was not flattered. She was in shock, and didn't know how to respond. Why make it about race, when it is not. You are the racist one!

By SAGE

Beyonce was mortified and stunned. She showed alot of class!

By L

Obviously you didn't watch because Beyonce looked mortified, not laughing.

By shamrockdoc68

Whoa Kelly! What freakin' planet were you on when this thing aired? First off, Beyonce looked appalled and smiled nervously in her shock and awe. Not to mention the fact that Beyonce invited Miss Swift on stage to restore her moment to her-and very graciously. Kelly, where in the heck were you when this went down?.Do you just thrive on being negative and sounding as stupid as Kanye did on that night,because you really do with your statement.

By RJ

And I'd like to bring this up...everyone thinks it was so nice/sweet/kind of Beyonce to give Talor her speech time, but what that really was is called DAMAGE CONTROL. Her husband Jayz had help from Kanye on his cd that comes out this Friday. So I wouldn't be surprised if Jayz told Beyonce to do what she did because their newly released co-production is going to lose MONEY.

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