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Five Ways Kanye West Can Bounce Back
After all his outbursts in the last few years, we should probably rename the Video Music Awards the Kanye West Show. While Kanye's latest eruption during Taylor Swift's acceptance speech won him no fans -- even though some thought his sentiment (that Beyonce should have won) was right -- Kanye's name is on everyone's (rhymes with hit) list. So, PopEater came up with five things Kanye can do to revamp his image.
1. Eat a fat, gooey slice of humble pie. Start doing the talk shows (the Jay Leno appearance last night was a good start), and start making fun of yourself a la Paris Hilton. Appear contrite. Take acting lessons if you have to. Get on 'SNL' and do a skit where you diss yourself. Show us that you are like Lady Gaga -- that Kanye West is not the same thing as "Kanye West." Point out that you aren't really taking everything so seriously. Repent, repent, repent.
2. Use your need for publicity for the better good. Do charity, and lots of it. Visit the troops. Donate money and music. It's also probably a good idea to do something to win back the country music community who think you're the worst person on earth right now. If Kanye can use his big mouth for something other than stealing the spotlight from another star, people might like him a lot more.
3. Start writing your blog like a normal person. HEY KANYE WHEN YOU WRITE YOUR BLOG IN ALL CAPS IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE MAD AND YELLING AT US AND OUCH IT HURTS OUR EARS/EYES AND EVEN IF YOU ARE WRITING SOMETHING THAT MAKES SENSE YOU COME OFF LIKE A CRAZY PERSON WHO JUST INJECTED FIVE CUPS OF COFFEE DIRECTLY INTO YOUR VEINS. OMG WILL YOU PLEASE STOP THAT! We think Kanye secretly knows that this is true because his first apology to Taylor was in ALL CAPS LOCK, and his second one, more brief, seemed more sincere simply by turning off the Caps key. So, Kanye make a habit of it, and people might not think you are shouting all the time.
4. Get a new wardrobe and girlfriend (or at least a new wardrobe for your girlfriend). First, you have to lose the shades. Only jerks wear sunglasses at night, and when people can't see your eyes, they can't see the windows to your soul -- and right now, people aren't even sure if you have a soul. Secondly, showing up to every event with a girlfriend who wears either nothing or catsuits that leave nothing to the imagination is doing nothing to endear you to Middle Americans who don't watch porn all day long. We suggest Natalie Portman on your arm for your next high-profile event. She's smart and nice, classy, and drop-dead gorgeous.
5. Get a column in a magazine. Explain to everyone how you really feel instead of resorting to mic-grabbing and ALL CAPS LOCK. It works for Diablo Cody. If you believe that Beyonce is one of the best artists of our time, we would like to hear about that (because we agree) and would like for you do it in a way that does not hurt innocent teen stars.
Love, PopEater
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Kanye Says the Darndest Things
"It hurts me to see the old and very wrong version of the 'Paranoid' video get leaked all over the net... It's just frustrating when this stuff happens because I really care about the product." -- on an Internet leak of his new video starring Rihanna.
Shareif Ziyadat, FilmMagic
Shareif Ziyadat, FilmMagic
Kanye Mr. Humble' West
"It hurts me to see the old and very wrong version of the 'Paranoid' video get leaked all over the net... It's just frustrating when this stuff happens because I really care about the product." -- on an Internet leak of his new video starring Rihanna.
Shareif Ziyadat, FilmMagic
"Can't we give Chris a break? ... I know I make mistakes in life." -- on Chris Brown's alleged assault on Rihanna, and the media coverage surrounding it
Getty Images
"Please i beg you, give me a break!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let me be great!!! Who have i hurt so bad that they want to destroy me? Who have i ever spoke about so negatively? I just was speaking with our new president two days ago... And now this." -- disputing a false quote alleging he'd do bisexual porn
Getty Images
"I believe I am the greatest entertainer of this generation. I go neck-and-neck on Jay-Z and [Lil] Wayne as far as who's the best lyricist," Kanye West said in VIBE magazine's February issue.
Lester Cohen, Wire Image
"I am protecting my personal space since there are no laws to protect that for me," West said. "The fact that [a photographer] could get me arrested off a mere complaint, but I can't ask him to stop taking pictures of me is very lopsided." -- defending his recent scuffle with the paparazzi
Gustavo Caballero, Getty Images
"There were people who had the potential to do it but they went on vacation, so when Justin [Timberlake] went on vacation I made albums, and it just came out to be that." -- on Timberlake's supposed failure to become music's top dog due to a lack of new albums.
Getty Images (2)
"I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade, I will be the loudest voice." -- quote from a Nov. 12 interview.
Mike Marsland, Getty Images
"It's me settling into that position of just really accepting that it's one thing to say you want to do it and it's another thing to really end up being like Michael Jordan." -- quote from a Nov. 12 interview.
Noel Vasquez, Getty Images
"If I was more complacent and I let things slide, my life would be easier, but you all wouldn't be as entertained. My misery is your pleasure."-- quote from a 2006 Rolling Stone interview
Amy Sussman, Getty Images
"We were obviously dealing with f------ idiots who didn't really have the capacity to really put on this show properly. They tried 2 give me a time slot were it was still light outside. I have a f------ light show dumb a---, it's not called glow in the dark for no reason squid brains." -- blaming the organizers for Bonnaroo problems.
Jeff Kravitz, FilmMagic.com
Getty Images
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Tuesday 15 September
By rdduck
Everyone should stop picking on poor little Kanye. It's obvious he just wanted Taylor to write a song about him so he could be famous some day, too.
Reply
Tuesday 15 September
By deborah hernandez
Don't be ridiculous...Kanye said it, was honest.Admitted his rudeness. Poor little Taylor, should of stood up ,for her poor little self! She picked a hard business. Take it like a Celeb..Kanye made that girl more famous...Now, I have to see more Taylor....F'ing Great!!
Tuesday 15 September
By Sam
This article is completely ridiculous. Why in heavens name are we looking for ways to help poor Kanye revamp his image?! It's absurd! The guy is a total, ridiculous a**hole loser. It's like saying "What can we do to help Hitler fix up his tarnished reptutation? I mean, after all, he was a great leader and an inspirational speaker." (Yes, I realize the comparison is extreme - just trying to make a point (badly)). I mean, really -- can you imagine being at a silly awards show and having the nerve to get up and take the mike away from one of the winners? Who thinks like that? If he is really, truly sorry for his behavior (and how many times have we been through this already?) - he would acknowledge he has a major ego problem, and GET HELP. (He is like the alcoholic or drug-addict who keeps apologizing for their behaviou, but never really checking into rehab or therapy). He is not saying he is sorry because he feels true remorse - he is doing it because he (quickly) realized he was in hot s**t popularity wise, and wanted to salvage his image.
Tuesday 15 September
By Zoot
Kanye tries so hard to be ghetto but he cannot quite pull it off.
Tuesday 15 September
By watdafuk
Maybe we will get lucky and he will just go away.
Reply
Tuesday 15 September
By CINDY
To DEBORAH H. .......Kanye West, is a classless jerk!! The music business is a HARD business as you said. But it also takes a certain amount of PROFESSIONALISM!! And Kanye West doesn't have a clue what that is!! He's got an EGO the size of Texas, and wants to run around acting like a total ASS!! IT'S IN HIS NATURE!! He can say he's sorry all he wants, but it think it's a little to late! He's already shown his "true colors" ONE TO MANY TIMES!!!
Tuesday 15 September
By jim
who the hell is this jack ass
Reply
Tuesday 15 September
By COMMON SENSE
And who is the genius to proclaim that Beyonce deserved to win? I think her video was the usual stuff ive seen thousands of times before and in no way deserved to win!
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Tuesday 15 September
By Jackie
It would have been great if Taylor would have pushed his a** right off the stage. I would have.
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Tuesday 15 September
By SAGe
West picked on a classy young woman. Had he done that to Pink, he would have been on his a$$. Don't you get why he picked Taylor. Arrogant, ignorant, ill mannered bully. Can you image him pulling a stunt like that on Kid Rock. Of course not because he is an abusive little coward.
Tuesday 15 September
By mcrforeverr
atf least he apoligized. but i cant belive taylor let him away with it. shes 2 nice i guess. I HATE KANYE WEST. HES GONNA DO THIS EVERY YEAR U KNO!
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Tuesday 15 September
By Larry
Bounce back? I'll show you bounce back - throw this worthless, self-important moron off the top of the Empire State Building - that's the best way for him to make a splash in the big time.
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Tuesday 15 September
By tlc
I was at a free concert that Kanye put on in Chicago for inner city "A" students. You would've thought he was Gandhi. I say that as an olive branch to the haters out there. He was completely wrong and should have his head examined. If Taylor can find it in her heart to forgive than so should the rest of us. The man can be immature, but he isn't evil. Peace
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Tuesday 15 September
By PeanutButter&Jelly
WHY IS THIS ALL ABOUT FORGIVENESS WITH YOU? IF THE RACES WOULD HAVE BEEN REVERSED, YOU WOULD PROBABLY BE YELLING FOR JUSTICE!
Wednesday 16 September
By Kate
Prior to this outburst, Kanye was photographed slugging from a bottle of Brandy. Mr. West will bounce back after he bounces into Rehab.... Substance Abuse is the real problem here.
Tuesday 15 September
By icdou007
WHAT A BUNCH OF GREAT ENTERTAINERS WE HAVE.......LETS SEE..................................
CHRIS BROWN, BEATS THE HECK OUT OF HIS GIRLFRIEND....
KAYNE WEST......AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN, BEING AN ASS.
WHY AS A SOCIETY DO WE KEEP REWARDING THESE PEOPLE.
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Tuesday 15 September
By Kelly
He stole her "moment"! Did you see that poor girls face??? He did something that he cannot take back! And f'ing Beyonce just sat there all like laughing and looking flattered!!! Both of them are trailer trash! If this would have been a Black singer getting the award with a white guy jumping on stage they would have called this RACISM/RACIST REMARK!!! I am sooooooooooooooooooo sick of it all!!!
Reply
Tuesday 15 September
By K
I think you are imagining something. Beyonce was not flattered. She was in shock, and didn't know how to respond. Why make it about race, when it is not. You are the racist one!
Wednesday 16 September
By SAGE
Beyonce was mortified and stunned. She showed alot of class!
Tuesday 15 September
By L
Obviously you didn't watch because Beyonce looked mortified, not laughing.