Five Ways Kanye West Can Bounce Back

By Tricia Romano Posted Sep 15th 2009 03:47PM

After all his outbursts in the last few years, we should probably rename the Video Music Awards the Kanye West Show. While Kanye's latest eruption during Taylor Swift's acceptance speech won him no fans -- even though some thought his sentiment (that Beyonce should have won) was right -- Kanye's name is on everyone's (rhymes with hit) list. So, PopEater came up with five things Kanye can do to revamp his image.

1. Eat a fat, gooey slice of humble pie. Start doing the talk shows (the Jay Leno appearance last night was a good start), and start making fun of yourself a la Paris Hilton. Appear contrite. Take acting lessons if you have to. Get on 'SNL' and do a skit where you diss yourself. Show us that you are like Lady Gaga -- that Kanye West is not the same thing as "Kanye West." Point out that you aren't really taking everything so seriously. Repent, repent, repent.

2. Use your need for publicity for the better good. Do charity, and lots of it. Visit the troops. Donate money and music. It's also probably a good idea to do something to win back the country music community who think you're the worst person on earth right now. If Kanye can use his big mouth for something other than stealing the spotlight from another star, people might like him a lot more.

3. Start writing your blog like a normal person. HEY KANYE WHEN YOU WRITE YOUR BLOG IN ALL CAPS IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE MAD AND YELLING AT US AND OUCH IT HURTS OUR EARS/EYES AND EVEN IF YOU ARE WRITING SOMETHING THAT MAKES SENSE YOU COME OFF LIKE A CRAZY PERSON WHO JUST INJECTED FIVE CUPS OF COFFEE DIRECTLY INTO YOUR VEINS. OMG WILL YOU PLEASE STOP THAT! We think Kanye secretly knows that this is true because his first apology to Taylor was in ALL CAPS LOCK, and his second one, more brief, seemed more sincere simply by turning off the Caps key. So, Kanye make a habit of it, and people might not think you are shouting all the time.

4. Get a new wardrobe and girlfriend (or at least a new wardrobe for your girlfriend). First, you have to lose the shades. Only jerks wear sunglasses at night, and when people can't see your eyes, they can't see the windows to your soul -- and right now, people aren't even sure if you have a soul. Secondly, showing up to every event with a girlfriend who wears either nothing or catsuits that leave nothing to the imagination is doing nothing to endear you to Middle Americans who don't watch porn all day long. We suggest Natalie Portman on your arm for your next high-profile event. She's smart and nice, classy, and drop-dead gorgeous.

5. Get a column in a magazine. Explain to everyone how you really feel instead of resorting to mic-grabbing and ALL CAPS LOCK. It works for Diablo Cody. If you believe that Beyonce is one of the best artists of our time, we would like to hear about that (because we agree) and would like for you do it in a way that does not hurt innocent teen stars.

Love, PopEater

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Kanye Says the Darndest Things

"It hurts me to see the old and very wrong version of the 'Paranoid' video get leaked all over the net... It's just frustrating when this stuff happens because I really care about the product." -- on an Internet leak of his new video starring Rihanna.

Shareif Ziyadat, FilmMagic

Kanye Mr. Humble' West

Shareif Ziyadat, FilmMagic

"Can't we give Chris a break? ... I know I make mistakes in life." -- on Chris Brown's alleged assault on Rihanna, and the media coverage surrounding it

Getty Images

"Please i beg you, give me a break!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let me be great!!! Who have i hurt so bad that they want to destroy me? Who have i ever spoke about so negatively? I just was speaking with our new president two days ago... And now this." -- disputing a false quote alleging he'd do bisexual porn

Getty Images

"I believe I am the greatest entertainer of this generation. I go neck-and-neck on Jay-Z and [Lil] Wayne as far as who's the best lyricist," Kanye West said in VIBE magazine's February issue.

Lester Cohen, Wire Image

"I am protecting my personal space since there are no laws to protect that for me," West said. "The fact that [a photographer] could get me arrested off a mere complaint, but I can't ask him to stop taking pictures of me is very lopsided." -- defending his recent scuffle with the paparazzi

Gustavo Caballero, Getty Images

"There were people who had the potential to do it but they went on vacation, so when Justin [Timberlake] went on vacation I made albums, and it just came out to be that." -- on Timberlake's supposed failure to become music's top dog due to a lack of new albums.

Getty Images (2)

"I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade, I will be the loudest voice." -- quote from a Nov. 12 interview.

Mike Marsland, Getty Images

"It's me settling into that position of just really accepting that it's one thing to say you want to do it and it's another thing to really end up being like Michael Jordan." -- quote from a Nov. 12 interview.

Noel Vasquez, Getty Images

"If I was more complacent and I let things slide, my life would be easier, but you all wouldn't be as entertained. My misery is your pleasure."-- quote from a 2006 Rolling Stone interview

Amy Sussman, Getty Images

"We were obviously dealing with f------ idiots who didn't really have the capacity to really put on this show properly. They tried 2 give me a time slot were it was still light outside. I have a f------ light show dumb a---, it's not called glow in the dark for no reason squid brains." -- blaming the organizers for Bonnaroo problems.

Jeff Kravitz, FilmMagic.com

Tags: kanye west, KanyeWest, taylor swift, TaylorSwift, vmas

Comments

(112)

Tuesday 15 September

By nancy

Vote down Vote up Report this

This guy fits the profile of a racist. He got upset because Beyonce, a black singer, didn't win, but a white singer did. CRap music is so lame. You don't have to have talent to rap. You just have to be loud and stupid and an in your face moron.

By Natalie

nancy, i dont agree with kanye, but beyonce is a rnb singer not a rapper

By Duke

Kenye wouldn't be Kenye without stiring the pot. He is arrogant, egotistical, brazan, and a thug. He just wouldn't do well selling recordings that are mushy and weak. He loves the controversy and has gotten filthy rich off it. He has a huge fan following and will keep on rapping and making mega bucks. His fans love his in your face arrogance and dissing people. His recording buyers love his rants and raves about how he has been mistreated and the blacks have been and still are mistreated. It is a huge industry. He casts himself as a victim and villain at the same time. He knows what sells these days and that is beat down the weak and take what you want. That is a badge of honor and emulated by many Americans as the way to force and command respect through fear. Scare the old folks and laugh at it. That is the rappers creed. Shame the populous and reap the rewards of stardom and riches from selling this art form. This is a classic case of life imitating art. Kenye has capitalized on this and will continue to do so. He will come back. He has not gone. Expect more from Kenye as that is the only thing he knows.

Wednesday 16 September

By Josh

Does Kanye West like fishsticks?

By christianvictor

If it looks like a GORILLA, moves and flaunts like a GORILLA..then IT must be KANYE WEST!
That's a FACE only his MOTHER can love.

By Pam

Actually, he can start reworking his image by making it up to the person he hurt in the first place. Stop going on talk shows, stop apologizing in public and take Taylor Swift out someplace nice and apologize to her personally. Then top it off by collaborating with her on a project.

By J Meyers

He can stop being a drunken jerk.

By Jared

West is a narcissist, and needs therapy. He should join his mother. Period.

By me

The outbursts are that of an egomaniac. I will never, never, ever listen to or buy any of his music again. In doing so, I am an ENABLER to this kind of conduct....and I won't do that anymore !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By Alexis

If he thought his comment about Beyonce was going to get him into her pants he must be a total numbnut. A little man with a small you know what, is not a turn on for Beyonce or anyone!

By Todd

Leno is a whore to have him on his show to let him talk about it, what a piece of crap they both are.
Let's see who will be around in 5 years, Swift or the dirtbag, my money is on Swift.

By Tahari

His next rap song should have these words,
I has a Halloweenie mini Mars Bar, dats why I is a has been star, pickin on pretty white gurls wit curls cuz my own kind knows i aint gots the snickers bar.........

By mark

How about a sixth way for Kayne to "bounce back" from his outburst. By shutting the F@$% up and keeping his opinions and everything else to HIMSELF!

By Mrs. B

When I first saw this happen, I couldn't believe how rude he was. And it was very shocking. And I knew it would be a big news story the next day. But WOW I had no idea it would blow up this bad. On my AOL welcome screen his name is mentioned under 5 headlines. I mean, the President of the United States is making a comment about it... I am NOT a Kayne fan, never was, never will be, frankly he disgusts me, for reasons like this. But he's said sorry, if he means it or not, we'll never know, so let's move on. A smart young woman was found murdered at Yale this weekend, and yesterday we lost a great actor in Patrick Swayze. So let's put things into prospective and move on with our lives.

By MajorPete

Kenye West--a typical black rapper street thug a'hole making millions off bs Rap (I won't even call it music)- a no class arrogant racist who thinks his opinion is more important than the FANS who voted to give Taylor the award. Stupid disruption--stupid comment- stupid haircut-stupid a
a'hole! Taylor should tell him to go "f" himself but she won't--she has too much class and is too sweet and innocent to stoop to West's street level.

By Veronica RaRa

HOW MANY TIMES DID KAYNE VOTE FOR prez stupidily ?

By sfran924

How can this idiot bounce back? Easy....Drop the tar baby off a roof and see how far he bounces back up. Worthless. Dumb ass. Third person referring. Waste of the 10 bucks it would take to create him.

I've got a better idea. Kanye, start singing country music.

By JOHN

MAYBE KANYE WOULD LIKE TO JOIN THE U.S. ARMY OR U.S. MARINES AND GO TO THE MIDDLE EAST AND SHOW HIS COURAGE AND DEMEANOR AS A REAL MAN OPPOSED TO HIS PLAY ACTING ON JAY LENO? THIS CRAPSTA RAPSTER WHO LACKS CLASS AND DECENCY HAS THE GALL TO CALL HIMSELF A CELEBRITY....MAYBE FUTURE INMATE MIGHT BE MORE APPROPRIATE? YEAH KANYE WEST INMATE # 412892 REPORT TO THE WARDEN IMMEDIATELY!

By Barbie

He said he needs to take some time off and think about himself. I laughed at that one. Thats all he does now is think about himself, why would he need a vacation to do that. I truly hope his career is over, there are so many other talents out there that would jump for the chance of stardom. He takes his celebrity for granted because with us buying his garbage music he would be nothing. He needs to just fade away. Stop making him relevent !

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