'So You Think You Can Dance' judge Mary Murphy's 9-year marriage was a seemingly never-ending nightmare, punctuated with repeated beatings, rapes, emotional abuse and a miscarriage, she tells Us Weekly in a bombshell-filled interview.
Murphy, 51, alleges her unnamed ex would physically abuse her and then demand sex. She claims he raped her for the first time about three months into their marriage.
"I was like, 'Are you kidding me?! We're fighting here!' He said, 'You're my wife, and you'll do what I tell you!' I pulled out a kitchen knife and screamed, 'You're going to have to stab me, because I'm not having sex with you!' He knocked it out of my hands, held me down and raped me."
From then, a horrifying pattern of violence emerged, she claims.
"A fight, then rape, then presents: a dress, a diamond bracelet, earrings. In the first year or two, I'd fight back, but eventually, I'd just lie there. Get it over with, I thought. It'll be quick anyway."
LOS ANGELES, CA - SEPTEMBER 29: TV Personality Mary Murphy and Actress Jenna Dewan speak onstage during the Rock A Little, Feed Alot benefit concert held at Club Nokia on September 29, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Mary Murphy;Jenna Dewan
LOS ANGELES - SEPTEMBER 29: (L-R) Mary Murphy and Jenna Dewan onstage during the "Rock A Little Feed A Lot" Benefit Concert held at Club Nokia on September 29, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Frank Micelotta/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Mary Murphy;Jenna Dewan
Getty Images
LOS ANGELES - SEPTEMBER 29: (L-R) Mary Murphy and Jenna Dewan onstage during the "Rock A Little Feed A Lot" Benefit Concert held at Club Nokia on September 29, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Frank Micelotta/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Mary Murphy;Jenna Dewan
Getty Images
LOS ANGELES - SEPTEMBER 29: (L-R) Mary Murphy and Jenna Dewan onstage during the "Rock A Little Feed A Lot" Benefit Concert held at Club Nokia on September 29, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Frank Micelotta/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Mary Murphy;Jenna Dewan
Getty Images
LOS ANGELES, CA - SEPTEMBER 29: TV personality Mary Murphy arrives at the Rock A Little, Feed Alot benefit concert held at Club Nokia on September 29, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Mary Murphy
Getty Images
LOS ANGELES, CA - SEPTEMBER 29: TV Personality Mary Murphy and Actress Jenna Dewan speak onstage during the Rock A Little, Feed Alot benefit concert held at Club Nokia on September 29, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Mary Murphy;Jenna Dewan
Getty Images
LOS ANGELES, CA - SEPTEMBER 29: TV Personality Mary Murphy and Actress Jenna Dewan speak onstage during the Rock A Little, Feed Alot benefit concert held at Club Nokia on September 29, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Mary Murphy;Jenna Dewan
Getty Images
LOS ANGELES, CA - SEPTEMBER 29: TV Personality Mary Murphy and Actress Jenna Dewan speak onstage during the Rock A Little, Feed Alot benefit concert held at Club Nokia on September 29, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Mary Murphy;Jenna Dewan
Getty Images
LOS ANGELES, CA - SEPTEMBER 29: TV Personality Mary Murphy and Actress Jenna Dewan speak onstage during the Rock A Little, Feed Alot benefit concert held at Club Nokia on September 29, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Mary Murphy;Jenna Dewan
Getty Images
LOS ANGELES, CA - SEPTEMBER 29: TV Personality Mary Murphy and Actress Jenna Dewan speak onstage during the Rock A Little, Feed Alot benefit concert held at Club Nokia on September 29, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Mary Murphy;Jenna Dewan
Getty Images
LOS ANGELES, CA - SEPTEMBER 29: TV personality Mary Murphy arrives at the Rock A Little, Feed Alot benefit concert held at Club Nokia on September 29, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Mary Murphy
Getty Images
The shocking account is being called "flat-out lies" by her ex-husband, whose name is currently being withheld. He is described as coming from a wealthy Middle Eastern family.
She walked around with "black eyes and bruises" for years, but she "never called the police or went to the hospital. I didn't want anybody to know."
In 1982, the TV judge says she suffered a miscarriage four months into a pregnancy. His response was to cast blame on her.
"My husband was disgusted, saying I murdered our baby, because I'd done some light dancing the night before. I was sinking deeper and deeper at that point, just reeling into despair."
After discovering he had proposed to another woman from the Middle East, in addition to having a second mistress in Germany, Murphy finally left the man in 1985.
When their divorce became finalized, she "never heard from him again."
Where is this all even coming from? Why would she feel the sudden need to have an interview to tell the world about all this? Especially after she said in the interview that she didn't want anyone to know. Is she looking for closure? Or is she looking for publicity and pity?
Because abuse is that powerful. Recovery is a long process and it happens in steps. Possibly, she is finally ready to talk about it and accept the ridicule, just like what you just posted. Instead of sympathizing for her situation, you immidiately found something to blame her for. Possibly, you shouldn't read stories like this unless you can withold your ingorant judgement.
Proposed to a gal in Mid east, then Germany - he was or is middle Eastern. They marry americans or Brits to get citizenship, then treat them like crap b/c its in their culture. However, the time for Mary to talk about it was back then. Also, it looks bad for her that she was tempoarirly soothed by the great gifts he gave her.
Who cares why she now feel the need to tell her story. People who were abuse have to tell their story at some point before they can be able to forget about it and move on. They tell when they are no longer ashame and feel safe enough to tell.
It's called the cycle of violence idiot. They hit you, then they try to make it up to you by being extra nice or buying gifts. It's a classic pattern in abusive relationships and part of what causes battered woman syndrome. do you really think there was any gift in the world that a rational person decided was worth being raped for?? NO! it's part of a mental illness.
To By kindlyunspoken20... Why does Mary Murphy need publicity when her show is so popular that it is now being shown in September as well as it's regular season? Perhaps she has finally come to terms enough with the abuse to share in the hope that her story may help someone else.
To originlcin... she never said she was soothed by the gifts. Abusers often give gifts to their victims to make themselves feel better. That has nothing to do with whether or not the gifts made her feel better.
Oh wow. You misread my comment completely. It wasn't about judging her, I just don't understand why she is talking about it all of a sudden. If you read back my comment they all have question marks at the end of the sentences. Please don't assume that I am blaming her for anything. It just doesn't make sense that she would choose such a public way for dealing with something so private.I know that if that happened to me I wouldn't put it out there for everyone to know, that's a very private thing. I wouldn't want pity. If you have a different view of this I would love to hear it, but there's no need to get crappy about it.
I admire Mary Murphy's strength!!!! Coming from an emotional abusive relationship, one where everything seemed to end with it being my fault and me apologizing, I can only partially understand the pain. However, it may sound cliche but emotional abuse is only the beginning... this man went on to physically abuse the next woman he was with. It seemed to be a vicious downward spiral with this particular person. Please be aware of what is happening, be strong and have some pride! :-D
Kerry, I was in exactly the same sort of relationship. Verbal abuse on a daily basis. Occasionally, some physical abuse, but nothing that would ever leave a mark. Pushing me, elbowing me, stupid stuff that I remember happening between my brother and I when we were kids, nothing I thought was serious enough to call physical abuse. I never put the two together. When I finally called off the wedding four months before it was due to take place, my family literally freaked out. Had no idea, I never told them anything. He went on to physically abuse the next woman, too, and threaten her with a gun. Scary part? He's a cop! Scarier? He STILL IS ONE!! Me? AWAY FROM HIM!!
It's people like you that make it hard for women (or men) to come out and tell of abusive relationships! How dare you say that her coming out was "self serving"!!! Sometimes it takes years to be able to talk about it, and when you do, the weight of the world seems to lift off of your shoulders. If your life has been perfect then you need to thank God for that. Some suffer for years before they are able to hold their heads up high and realize that the abuse wasn't their fault. Get off of your high horse and show a little compassion for a human being!!
Wow, women, especially celebrities that can come out and tell their story is what give women like me strenght. i was in an abusive relationship for 2 years and i was so young from 16 to 18 years old i would constantly be beat by my boyfriend, he would verbally abuse me and then it would escalate. his excuse was that i triggered it and that may be so but that is no way to react. his mother heard and saw it all and never did a thing about it, when i finally told my mom it was too late the marks were there and so was the emotional pain in which i still cope with. you do not know what it like to be in fera of getting into a relationship because your scared of more physical abuse. when you see women like mary murphy who go out and speak it shows you that you can also cope.
I am certainly sympathetic with her....but it might be a little late to reveal this to the world. I would imagine tho it may be of current support to other women who find themselves in this situation to get the hell out of dodge NOW before it escalates into loss of life.
after reading this and having heard other nightmare stories of women marrying middle eastern men, i think the lesson is don't get involved with a muslim. total wackos. it is engrained in there up bringing that a man is the ruler of a woman. i find it hard to believe mary is lying she has nothing to gain. she is simply empowering women to make good choices.
Why can't these "stars" just confide their secrets to a physican or minister?? What is the point to confess to the media??? Pleeeeeeessssse spare me! Mary really doesn't know when to shut up.
Texas - you, thankfully, are not speaking from a place that you know what it's like to be abused - yay for you... however - it's a comfort to those who have been, are being abused that "stars" can know their pain.. and share it... if it's not talked about (which is more often the case), it can't be stopped.
Perhaps YOU need to know when to shut-up.... now would be good.
"PRINCESS" huh? Well PRINCESS, When someone is finally able to talk about what happened to them it is good for their recovery. They tell the media and put their stories out there for everyone to see so that they can empower some other woman. A woman that feels she is alone. That feels it only happened to her. Maybe even give them enough courage to tell their own stories or report something that they have been affraid to!!
Mary's story of domestic abuse is the same as the one I went thru for 11 years of marriage with my ex-husband. I fled in the night taking my 4 children with me in fear of my life. Unless you have lived thru this type of abuse, you should never set in judgment on anyone who has. Domestic abuse destroys your self-pride and your self-worth. I was lucky - I had a support system and able to make a safe and good life for myself and my children.
You were abused for 11 years but felt it necessary to bring 4 children into that hell? Awesome choices. You'd think that after 1 child (or actually after one instance of abuse)you'd scamper right the He@@out of there.
'So You Think You Can Dance' judge Mary Murphy's 9-year marriage was a seemingly never-ending nightmare, punctuated with repeated beatings, rapes, emotional abuse and a miscarriage, she tells Us Weekly in a bombshell-filled interview.
Comments
(175)Add a comment
Thursday 15 October
By kindlyunspoken20
Where is this all even coming from? Why would she feel the sudden need to have an interview to tell the world about all this? Especially after she said in the interview that she didn't want anyone to know. Is she looking for closure? Or is she looking for publicity and pity?
Reply
Thursday 15 October
By Sharon
Because abuse is that powerful. Recovery is a long process and it happens in steps. Possibly, she is finally ready to talk about it and accept the ridicule, just like what you just posted. Instead of sympathizing for her situation, you immidiately found something to blame her for. Possibly, you shouldn't read stories like this unless you can withold your ingorant judgement.
Thursday 15 October
By originlcin
Proposed to a gal in Mid east, then Germany - he was or is middle Eastern. They marry americans or Brits to get citizenship, then treat them like crap b/c its in their culture. However, the time for Mary to talk about it was back then. Also, it looks bad for her that she was tempoarirly soothed by the great gifts he gave her.
Thursday 15 October
By Tee
Who cares why she now feel the need to tell her story. People who were abuse have to tell their story at some point before they can be able to forget about it and move on. They tell when they are no longer ashame and feel safe enough to tell.
Thursday 15 October
By trishness
It's called the cycle of violence idiot. They hit you, then they try to make it up to you by being extra nice or buying gifts. It's a classic pattern in abusive relationships and part of what causes battered woman syndrome. do you really think there was any gift in the world that a rational person decided was worth being raped for?? NO! it's part of a mental illness.
Thursday 15 October
By nikitajw
To By kindlyunspoken20... Why does Mary Murphy need publicity when her show is so popular that it is now being shown in September as well as it's regular season? Perhaps she has finally come to terms enough with the abuse to share in the hope that her story may help someone else.
To originlcin... she never said she was soothed by the gifts. Abusers often give gifts to their victims to make themselves feel better. That has nothing to do with whether or not the gifts made her feel better.
Thursday 15 October
By kindlyunspoken20
Oh wow. You misread my comment completely. It wasn't about judging her, I just don't understand why she is talking about it all of a sudden. If you read back my comment they all have question marks at the end of the sentences. Please don't assume that I am blaming her for anything. It just doesn't make sense that she would choose such a public way for dealing with something so private.I know that if that happened to me I wouldn't put it out there for everyone to know, that's a very private thing. I wouldn't want pity. If you have a different view of this I would love to hear it, but there's no need to get crappy about it.
Thursday 15 October
By Kerry
I admire Mary Murphy's strength!!!! Coming from an emotional abusive relationship, one where everything seemed to end with it being my fault and me apologizing, I can only partially understand the pain. However, it may sound cliche but emotional abuse is only the beginning... this man went on to physically abuse the next woman he was with. It seemed to be a vicious downward spiral with this particular person.
Please be aware of what is happening, be strong and have some pride! :-D
Reply
Thursday 15 October
By frenchblue367
Kerry, I was in exactly the same sort of relationship. Verbal abuse on a daily basis. Occasionally, some physical abuse, but nothing that would ever leave a mark. Pushing me, elbowing me, stupid stuff that I remember happening between my brother and I when we were kids, nothing I thought was serious enough to call physical abuse. I never put the two together. When I finally called off the wedding four months before it was due to take place, my family literally freaked out. Had no idea, I never told them anything. He went on to physically abuse the next woman, too, and threaten her with a gun. Scary part? He's a cop! Scarier? He STILL IS ONE!! Me? AWAY FROM HIM!!
Thursday 15 October
By TomW
self serving and I am tired of celebs jumping onto any bandwagon for publicity. There are real women suffering in this country, bimbos need not apply.
Reply
Thursday 15 October
By Karen
It's people like you that make it hard for women (or men) to come out and tell of abusive relationships! How dare you say that her coming out was "self serving"!!! Sometimes it takes years to be able to talk about it, and when you do, the weight of the world seems to lift off of your shoulders. If your life has been perfect then you need to thank God for that. Some suffer for years before they are able to hold their heads up high and realize that the abuse wasn't their fault. Get off of your high horse and show a little compassion for a human being!!
Thursday 15 October
By MS.LEAN
Wow, women, especially celebrities that can come out and tell their story is what give women like me strenght. i was in an abusive relationship for 2 years and i was so young from 16 to 18 years old i would constantly be beat by my boyfriend, he would verbally abuse me and then it would escalate. his excuse was that i triggered it and that may be so but that is no way to react. his mother heard and saw it all and never did a thing about it, when i finally told my mom it was too late the marks were there and so was the emotional pain in which i still cope with. you do not know what it like to be in fera of getting into a relationship because your scared of more physical abuse. when you see women like mary murphy who go out and speak it shows you that you can also cope.
Thursday 15 October
By bd
I am certainly sympathetic with her....but it might be a little late to reveal this to the world. I would imagine tho it may be of current support to other women who find themselves in this situation to get the hell out of dodge NOW before it escalates into loss of life.
Reply
Thursday 15 October
By jake
after reading this and having heard other nightmare stories of women marrying middle eastern men, i think the lesson is don't get involved with a muslim. total wackos. it is engrained in there up bringing that a man is the ruler of a woman. i find it hard to believe mary is lying she has nothing to gain. she is simply empowering women to make good choices.
Reply
Thursday 15 October
By TEXAS PRINCESS
Why can't these "stars" just confide their secrets to a physican or minister?? What is the point to confess to the media??? Pleeeeeeessssse spare me!
Mary really doesn't know when to shut up.
Reply
Thursday 15 October
By Nanci
Texas - you, thankfully, are not speaking from a place that you know what it's like to be abused - yay for you... however - it's a comfort to those who have been, are being abused that "stars" can know their pain.. and share it... if it's not talked about (which is more often the case), it can't be stopped.
Perhaps YOU need to know when to shut-up.... now would be good.
Thursday 15 October
By Heather
"PRINCESS" huh? Well PRINCESS, When someone is finally able to talk about what happened to them it is good for their recovery. They tell the media and put their stories out there for everyone to see so that they can empower some other woman. A woman that feels she is alone. That feels it only happened to her. Maybe even give them enough courage to tell their own stories or report something that they have been affraid to!!
Thursday 15 October
By osmondbrosfreak
u go girl!! she's amazing i cant imagine how painful that was for her but she keeps a smile on her face
Reply
Thursday 15 October
By Nana
Mary's story of domestic abuse is the same as the one I went thru for 11 years of marriage with my ex-husband. I fled in the night taking my 4 children with me in fear of my life. Unless you have lived thru this type of abuse, you should never set in judgment on anyone who has. Domestic abuse destroys your self-pride and your self-worth. I was lucky - I had a support system and able to make a safe and good life for myself and my children.
Reply
Thursday 15 October
By Carolee
You were abused for 11 years but felt it necessary to bring 4 children into that hell? Awesome choices. You'd think that after 1 child (or actually after one instance of abuse)you'd scamper right the He@@out of there.