Patrick Swayze's Widow: 'I Have to Go Through It'

By PopEater Staff Posted Oct 28th 2009 07:14AM

Lisa Niemi, Patrick Swayze's wife of 34 years, told a women's conference Tuesday that the loss of her husband just six weeks ago "is like an animal all of its own" and the sadness could be felt "on a cellular level." PEOPLE reports that Niemi spoke in a roundtable on Grief, Healing and Resilience at the Women's Conference 2009 in Long Beach, California. Niemi told the attendees, "When the grief takes you, it's like your body is not your own. I'm just going with the flow. I know I have to go through it."

Niemi, speaking for the first time since Swayze's death in September, said that she never left her husband's side during the last months of his life. She admitted, "I've spent two thirds of my life with him. ... My regret is that I didn't tell him that I loved him enough over that entire 34 years."

"I am so grateful for what I had and my connection to him, and part of me believes that I will see him again," added Niemi, "and I'm just going to have to go on until then."

Swayze's 'She's Like the Wind,' Which He Wrote for Niemi

Swayze's widow explained that her friends are instrumental in keeping her afloat. "I have a few girlfriends that are just amazing. They have made themselves available to me 24/7. They say, 'We don't care if it's 2 in the morning, call me'," she said. "I was in the middle of a full-blown panic attack one evening ... and I picked up the phone and called one, which is really hard for me to do because I'm used to being so self-sufficient and taking care of myself, but the very act of picking the phone up to call someone helped to calm me."

Niemi and Swayze met as teenagers at his mother's dance studio, and their marriage became one of the most enduring relationships in Hollywood.

Swayze passed away at age 57 after a long battle with pancreatic cancer.

Tags: Lisa Niemi, LisaNiemi, Patrick Swayze, PatrickSwayze

Comments

(211)

Tuesday 03 November

By Citygirl

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Lisa, you must remember that you have been blessed. The majority of people never have the kind of loving, trusting and lasting relationship that you have had. Embrace your memories and the love you have for each other will last forever. You are correct; you have to grieve. But remember, it won't last forever. This too shall pass. And as time marches on, you have to continue to live a healthy, happy and prosperous life.

Be Blessed.

Wednesday 28 October

By rick

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Patsy, thank you for your kind words. I am sorry for your loss, for everyone effects us in a unique way. I know your son is always near you, and believe it or not, he is in a better place, for in my own opinion we live in hell on this plain of existence.
Your son has probably already tried to contact you, and they do it in so many obstract ways that we sometimes fail to recognize these contacts. That's why it's important to stay alert, for there really are coincidences, and what me may pass off as our imagination can be an opportunity to touch in someway the continued existence of our loved one.
As I like to tell people, there is no death, and there are no dead. They've just moved to a new location that's all.
Namaste Patsy.
Rick

By Stephanie

Rick,

You are so right. My oldest son's girl friend of 7 years died unexpectedly in a car accident last year. Needless to say my son was devistated. At one point he was so deep in his pain that he had told me on the phone he was going to just end it all so that he could go be with her. I left work and went to the cemetary to be with her. I was really hoping that I would find him there, but I didn't. So I sat and talked to her and asked her to please, please bring him to me because she had more control at that time than I did and that she knows how much I love him. About 5 minutes later my son came pulling up in his car. Rick, I know she heard me and I know him showing up there was an answer to me that she is in heaven and she is still conected to my son spiritually. I later shared this story with my son just to let him know that she does hear him and whenever he is feeling lost and lonely he can still go and talk to her and she will hear him. I know from first hand experience what you say is true. Lord Bless us all. Grieving is only of the flesh. We are a selfish society. We are supposed to be happy for those that pass over because they are promised a better place but we cannot help but morn the flesh that we lost here on earth. Our time will come to be reunited. I believe that. Bless you Rick for sharing your story with all of us. As for you Patsy, that is the same age of my son that I talk about in this story. I cannot imagin your pain. The loss of a child has got to be the worst pain anyone on earth can suffer. My heart is with you.

By rlady

"Coincidence is God choosing to act anonymously." God is allowing you contact with your loved ones as signs of reassurance that they are all right and you will be too. Lisa, Rick, Patsy and MungoDaddy, and all on here who have suffered such personal loss, you have my deepest sympathy. God bless and comfort you always.

By Roan

Rick,

Namaste.

Blessed Be.

Wednesday 18 November

By Michelle

I lost my Grandpa almost 5 months ago. It still hurts so bad. I go to his grave and sit and talk to him. I tell him how much I miss him. I had a hard childhood. He is actually my step-grandpa, my step-mom's dad. When my mom was being very hurtful to me he put his arms around me and said "listen, we're your family now". I will never forget that. I have just never missed someone so much in my life. Your words were very comforting to me. Because I felt so hopeless that I won't ever see him again.

Thank you,
Michelle

Thursday 29 October

By Cheryl

Rick, please understand, I am not trying to be cruel. Stop telling everyone that their loved one is trying to contact them. It is not true. Read your bible. You WILL see your wife again. She has not contacted you in this life. It is sweet to think so, I understand, but not true. Please read your bible and learn the truth..........

By Hey Beautiful

Rick,
I am sorry for your loss! It is the hardest thing to do, is to lose someone you love with all your being! I just lost my mom in April, and as you said, she has moved onto another location.
As for the others who have said that they have 'seen' their loved one, it is true, NO matter what ANYONE else says! I have seen my father in law, shortly after his death, and when I asked how he was, he said he was just fine! I shared that with my mother in law, and she was so happy! I long to see my mom again, as this is the most trying thing I've been through. Although, I believe that she has something to do with my daughter having another baby, and as much as I wish she could be here, she's watching over all of us! I dislike un-believers, and if they can't say something nice, don't say anything at all! That's how I was brought up! God bless you Rick, and all of you that have lost someone special in your lives!
Cindi

By Chris

Lisa,you WILL be reunited with Patrick again.God bless you!

By Maggie

I know what you are goig through I lost my husband of 50 years and thats an awful thing to try to get use to Him not being here has really been tough on me I am sorry for your loss

By Connie

I am still not over the death of my Mom over twenty years later, but it has gotten better, and I wouldnt trade not hurting for never having that love, bless you LISA and am happy to hear you have support there for you to lean on.

By Raejean

I hope Lisa will be comforted knowing that Patrick remains as connected to her as he ever was in spirit. I am amazed that she is already out there talking about it, but it is great that she is sharing with a grief group and that she has several close friends to reach out to when needed. Best wishes and hugs to you, Lisa.

By Lynn

I lost my husband of 13 years about 2 years ago. He died of a massive heart attack and was gone within minutes. I wouldn't have made it through the initial months following his passing without my friends. They all banded around me and kept me afloat when I thought I couldn't go on. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't miss him. I started by getting myself through a minute without falling apart, then five minutes, an hour and so forth.

I've found friendship with a gentleman who unexpectedly lost his wife to cancer. I think that you can't "get it" until you've actually gone through it. We both get it.

Life does go on, but it's never the same.

By Fran

Lisa, I too lost my husband to cancer..he had Hodgkins Lymphoma went through his treatments and they were positive he was in remission...unfortunately three weeks after completing treatment he developed pneumonia and was on life supports for two wks before I had to take the love of my life off and let him go. We were married 32 1/2 yrs and together for 34 1/2..he was 56 yrs old that was two yrs ago..the pain is still there and you are right we have to go on and go through it...but my darling husband is with me every minute of everyday I feel him around me all the time I have felt the weight of his body sitting on the side of my bed at night...first time scared me half to death when I am having a hard time I ask him to let me know that all is well and he sends me a sign...there are days that no matter what radio station I turn on there is one song or another that was special to us or reminds me of him...sometimes after changing the stations all day I look to heaven and say OK I get it you are here with me and I laugh!
Give yourself time, cherish the love you and Patrick had together ...remember the good times and the bad cause that is what made you a strong loving couple. God Bless!

By I feel

OMG...how I feel for you...classy lady. I cannot imagine what you are going through...but I feel your pain and loss. I know you have no children like us...but it would not make it any better.
Children ONLY understand to a point...they are in a different stage in life and have to get there themself's.

By Kimberly

I know this has to be so hard for you and I have lost too and know that the pain is so intense that you don't know if you will make it through-but you do in time and the time it takes is different for everyone. How blessed you are to have had the love of your life to share your life and even his passing with. To know that your love is with him and his love is with you for an eternity - noone and nothing can take that away. The ones we love I believe are worth every bit of pain and every tear we shed for them. The hardest part is that we now have to continue life without them and when you are in pain you truly have no idea how to do this-I suppose you take it one moment at a time. I pray that God/your higher power will give strength to all those that have lost a loved one and continue to lose them - that is life.

By Ellen

I am touched by all the comments and wish I had had a personal experience such as many of them. I've lost my mother, father, brother (he was only 15)and several close friends and have never felt their presence, never had a message, never felt comfort. I do pay attention . . . I think I am open. What am I missing?

By Cappys Kid

I don't know - maybe trying to hard? Sometimes the signs are so subtle we miss them. I haven't had a dream of my lost loved ones [rr & lc] for 4 yrs now even though i ask them to come in my dreams. What I did get -> after 3 years, their bird started whistling like rr & talking like the lc. it only lasted for 1 minute and i was lucky to be there when it happened.

By breetx

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it can be very subtle, like a whiff of familiar perfume and theres no one there; or waking up with a special memory fresh in your mind. sometimes you feel like you were just hugged, not necessarily physically, but instead a feeling of calm or joy.

By Pauline

Ellen

I am so sorry and I know you would love to have a connection with your loved ones when it comes to your losses. My husband died at age 40, unexpectedly, and my mother did, too, at age 63 - a year later. I grieved so much for them that it felt like there was a hole in my stomach for a long time. After the initial grief subsided I was able to lean on our two children, and they on me, and we comforted each other. For many years I talked to my husband and mother at their graves or to their pictures which I think is a good thing. Then one night in my sleep my mother came to me, looking as she did (I don't know why) when she was about 35 years old. I asked her why she was there and she said "I came back for one more hug". I've never experienced that again. My husband appeared to me three different times, looking the same each time dressed in his musician tux, and never said anything. The third time I told him I had heard he had passed away. He said "Don't believe everything you hear". He smiled at me, went down our front porch steps, and I never saw him again. I treasure these meetings, call them what we will. It's hard after all these years to even talk about it without crying. God bless you always. -Pauline

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