Lisa Niemi, Patrick Swayze's wife of 34 years, told a women's conference Tuesday that the loss of her husband just six weeks ago "is like an animal all of its own" and the sadness could be felt "on a cellular level." PEOPLE reports that Niemi spoke in a roundtable on Grief, Healing and Resilience at the Women's Conference 2009 in Long Beach, California. Niemi told the attendees, "When the grief takes you, it's like your body is not your own. I'm just going with the flow. I know I have to go through it."
Niemi, speaking for the first time since Swayze's death in September, said that she never left her husband's side during the last months of his life. She admitted, "I've spent two thirds of my life with him. ... My regret is that I didn't tell him that I loved him enough over that entire 34 years."
"I am so grateful for what I had and my connection to him, and part of me believes that I will see him again," added Niemi, "and I'm just going to have to go on until then."
Swayze's 'She's Like the Wind,' Which He Wrote for Niemi
Swayze's widow explained that her friends are instrumental in keeping her afloat. "I have a few girlfriends that are just amazing. They have made themselves available to me 24/7. They say, 'We don't care if it's 2 in the morning, call me'," she said. "I was in the middle of a full-blown panic attack one evening ... and I picked up the phone and called one, which is really hard for me to do because I'm used to being so self-sufficient and taking care of myself, but the very act of picking the phone up to call someone helped to calm me."
Niemi and Swayze met as teenagers at his mother's dance studio, and their marriage became one of the most enduring relationships in Hollywood.
Swayze passed away at age 57 after a long battle with pancreatic cancer.
A 19-year-old Swayze met Lisa Niemi in 1970 at his mother's dance studio and she immediately brought the cocky hunk and his ego down to earth. "She didn't buy any of my nonsense," he's said of their early days. "We spent half our dates in total silence as she wouldn't talk to me if she thought I was putting on an act." Five years later they were married. MORE PICS >>
Lisa, My heart is with you. I lost my partner almost three years ago to Pancreatic Cancer. They didnlt figur out what it was until it was too late. You are so right that grief has it's own agenda. Just keep hanging in there and things will change. Things will never be the same, but we do come out the other end. For a while, though, it's a very different place from which to view and live our lives. My very best to you. Peace Thanks, Jeff
If only all of us could have and share the kind of true love the Swayze's had (and some other people who made some lovely comments about their loved ones!)
All these comments have touched me so much. They made me cry with sadness, but also with joy that people can love each other so strongly and purely. thank you for posting and my heart is with you all xxx
Lisa, You and Patrick were truly blessed. I also know the pain of losing someone I love so very much. Many people tell me, "Come on, get over it" But with a love so strong and so true, You NEVER get over it. I wish you "peace" and love
My dad died about 7 years ago and I am now 21. I was 13 at the time and completely devestated. All I wanted to do was die, because life seemed to have no hope without him. However, I never once believed he could hear me. The bible says that in heaven there are no more tears and no more pain. Don't you think that seeing us grieve would hurt the people we love? Don't you think that seeing us wishing for our own death would make them cry? Why would God allow the people who are in an eternity of peace, and hope, and joy, and celebration -- the people we love so much -- why would God allow them to spend an eternity looking down on us seeing us in our pain and despair, seeing us sin, seeing us make mistakes. I do not believe he would. Because that is the point of heaven, we are free from this place. We never have to see or feel the pain and sorrow from this life again. It's bliss. And therefore, although I suppose it will be a very long time until I see my dad again...I have hope, because he is rejoicing and meanwhile God is using me for his glory here on earth. And time is not the same in heaven, how can you measure eternity? To us it may be a lifetime, to them it may merely be a moment.
Well written. I believe as you. God is not going to allow those who have been called home before us to see our bereavement here on this sinfuld earth. Closing Note: For God so Loved the World, that he Gave his ONLY begotten son, that whosoever believes in him, shall not perish but have eternal life. Believe, accept me as your Personal Saviour and I promise you, you will have eternal life in heaven. Signed, Jesus
Lisa, I know what you are going through on Sept. 30th, 1998, I lost my dad,Peter W. Nielsen Jr.at the age of 68 due to heart problems. See, my parents got divorced when I was 16, and all of thier 3 kids stayed with Dad who was both our parents, as my mom literally left us for a drunken bumb. We haven't heard from mom but on rare occasions since she left us in 1974. So, when Dad died I lost both my parents at once. I have never been the same, I used to be a strong person, but now I am a worry wart,a crying baby and very insecure with relationships I have. I thank God for the husband I have of 27 yrs,(30 Yrs,since our first date),and 2 wonderful children,daughter,24 yrs and a son,23 yrs old, if it wasn't for them, I would have taken my own life after dad passed away. The giref does fade away with time,but there is every once in awhile I have a memory that just tearsmy heart apart again and I cry alot. Lisa, God Bless you and he will comfort you and I know you will see Patrick again and so will I see my dad again, in that place called heaven. Can't wait to give dad a hug and kiss and have him call me angel again.
Lisa, it is very obvious to all who have seen the two of you together that you love each other very much. I was about to type "loved," but a love like that never ends. Patrick knows you love him. My husband is like Sam. He can never bring himself to say he loves me unless it is in a silly voice or whatever, but I know he loves me. Look around for little signs. My Dad died 27 years ago and from time to time since then I will smell cigar smoke. He smoked cigars. He had to give them up, but the week before he died, he started smoking again. I believe that it is my father visiting. (A couple of years ago, I was working at a hospital and was talking to a couple of co-workers who were not aware of the cigar smoke thing. I started smelling it. I didn't say anything and one of the girls said she smelled smoke and the other one said she did, too..) Last year, my mother-in-law died and the day she died, we all started finding dimes. My sister was working at a furniture store at the time and was at work when I called to tell her my mother-in-law had died. I told her about the dimes and the girl she was working with told her that she had just found a dime in a chair when she was fixing a cushion. One time, my sister bought a pair of jeans and when she reached in the pocket, there were 3 foil angels. She put one in an aunt's casket and another one in another aunt's casket. Then my mother died and she put the last of the angels in her casket. A couple of weeks later, she was cleaning and found an angel next to the chair my mother always sat in when she was at her house. So visits don't have to be big, in your face things. They can be little things that could be missed if you aren't looking for them.
Usually the comment section on aol makes me cry from all the hatred and mean things people say. Today it made me cry from all the love and support. I was a huge fan of Patrick, will miss him. Lisa, hang in there. I can't even imagine losing my hubby of 25 years, the thought scares the crap out of me. He is with you now, and will always be by your side. Love continues -
Please take your stupid ad and post it elsewhere. Can,t you see that this is a blog concerning some very sensitive postings. Why do have to ruin the conversation with these low life ads. Kind of like the lawyer chasing after the ambulance. Can you not afford to advertise your product. In fact I will never visit the site because of the rude way that it is posted. Stop being a jerk and have some respect for other people.
The love between Patrick and Lisa was undeniably, a true fairy tale. Patrick and Lisa have had their ups and downs but each and every time they had each other to rely on and knew that their love would not falter. I feel bad Lisa didn't become a mother, as that was something they would often times discuss, but after Lisa's untimely and traumatic miscarriage they put that aside for a while, but they never were ever able to have a baby. But with or without a baby they had each other which is really the only thing that counts! Lisa was Patrick's rock and vice versa. I just can't imagine the pain that Lisa is going through at this time. I know from experience that time will heal all wounds, big and small.
I had a vision of my brother the morning after he died, I saw his face and he was laughing and saying I am free, laughed again and said I am free...so he was happy and free of his lung disease. He came to me in a vision twice after that, I saw the white light the white pillars on both sides of the white light, then when I looked down I saw a ramp that you could walk right on top of the stars and up to the white light. I looked down at earth and saw my brother visiting friends and then he came up to the heavenly ramp and looked at all the gold clouds and could not get over that they were gold..then suddenly he was in the clearing between the ramp and the gold cloud and she slump a bit and laughed and said Okay you got me!! And he was woosh he was up at the white light. Then on the 3rd vision while driving I heard him say and saw his face, he said I would like it there meaning in heaven. He also had two vision of Jesus before he died..he told me about one and then he had the other vision moments before he died. Dogs and cats go to heaven too, I had vision of those too. I am not a crackpot I am just open to what God wants me to see.
When I hear of these stories of dead love ones appearing to them I can't help but ask the question why the hell did they leave in the first place?
There is no appearing of love ones once they have died the only thing that keeps going is the wonderful memories you had together and thats called the spirit of love.
I lost my hubby of 34 yrs almost 3 yrs ago ( jan 4th 2007 ) and not a day goes by that i do not think of him. I too wish now that i told him more often how much i loved him and what he really meant to me. I believe3 in my heart that i will see him again when my time on this earth is done and that will be the happiest day of my life. He had skin cancer the worst form (malenoma) and we didnt have insurance so he waited to long befotre he had it checked and i believe that was the wrong thing but its to late now. Please if you truely love someone TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM AND TELL THEM HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU. It may be the last time you get a chance to.
I am also grieving the loss of my boyfrined. Its gonna be 3 months this monday. i've also seen him in dreams but sometimes I wish I could have more of him. Its hard to let go. The last time he came to me in dreams he told me not to cry no more and for that weekend I was strong but it seems like sometimes I loss all strength.
I should have said "I have talked with my husband and mother at their graves" - because I still do and always will. Even walking around the house or yard or looking at the stars at night I talk with them - or to them. - Pauline
I lost my wife Maryann on 2/11/09, two years to the day from the time she was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. We were together just shy of fifty years, married for 42 years and dating for seven. She was my childhood sweetheart and the only woman I've ever really loved. I was thirteen and she was twelve when we met. Strange to say, or maybe not so strange, I feel her presence and guidance more now than ever before. I realize in a way that I didn't, that I wasn't able to when she was physically with me, just how precious, just how loving, just how unbelievable she was. I was delivered from fifty years of drug abuse shortly after she passed on. I cried out to God, and I'm sure Maryann was listening, to set me free from the curse I had lived with for so long. There was a time during Maryann's last days when I was teetering on the brink of the abyss. It wouldn't have taken much for me to fall in and be lost forever. Friends and relatives were approaching my son and telling him he would have to take the helm 'cause I surely didn't look like I was able to. I live now in thanksgiving to God and to my beautiful wife for the guidance I've received. He, for bearing with me for so long, and reaching out His hand when I needed it most, and Maryann for dealing with me in this life. She never gave up on me and my one regret is that I couldn't be the way I am now for her when we were together. She guides my every step with her memory, her love, her compassion. I didn't know that she was my mentor when I had her, I only realized it after she was gone. I will strive to make her proud of me and will be eternally in her debt for choosing me, for loving me and for not giving up on me. We made our peace before she left and it does my heart good to reflect on that.
Lisa: As I read your "I have to Go Through It", and the tears just flowed as I walked that same road with you. On 9-19-09 the love of my life, Jim, went to heaven. We were childhood sweethearts. Dated 7 years and married for 38. We grew up together. Had no children. We just lived for each other. We were living the perfect life; a perfect husband, a perfect marriage, a perfect home. We were happy, traveling, loving life and then in May 09 he had indigestion, had it checked out in June and dr put him on acidic stomach meds, no better in July, had a cat scan and bingo, cancer that metasized into the liver, lymph nodes outside the stomach and 2 spots in lung. One to two months to live. Our lives were over that day. I truly do not know if I can go on without him. I want to be where he is. Friends are there for me, but it's just not the same. It does help me though to read testimonies like yours. I then know I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing. Perhaps it will save a life.
Lisa, Always keep the wonderful memories close to your heart. I believe that when someone loses a loved one that they are always with you in spirit more like an angel watching over you. I pray that peace will be with you always. Time will heal itself.
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So many blogs are filled with hateful statements, it is very heart warming to read the wonderful things each of you have written.
Reply
Lisa,
My heart is with you. I lost my partner almost three years ago to Pancreatic Cancer. They didnlt figur out what it was until it was too late.
You are so right that grief has it's own agenda. Just keep hanging in there and things will change. Things will never be the same, but we do come out the other end. For a while, though, it's a very different place from which to view and live our lives.
My very best to you.
Peace
Thanks,
Jeff
Reply
If only all of us could have and share the kind of true love the Swayze's had (and some other people who made some lovely comments about their loved ones!)
Reply
All these comments have touched me so much. They made me cry with sadness, but also with joy that people can love each other so strongly and purely. thank you for posting and my heart is with you all xxx
Reply
Lisa, You and Patrick were truly blessed. I also know the pain of losing someone I love so very much. Many people tell me, "Come on, get over it"
But with a love so strong and so true, You NEVER get over it.
I wish you "peace" and love
Reply
My dad died about 7 years ago and I am now 21. I was 13 at the time and completely devestated. All I wanted to do was die, because life seemed to have no hope without him. However, I never once believed he could hear me. The bible says that in heaven there are no more tears and no more pain. Don't you think that seeing us grieve would hurt the people we love? Don't you think that seeing us wishing for our own death would make them cry? Why would God allow the people who are in an eternity of peace, and hope, and joy, and celebration -- the people we love so much -- why would God allow them to spend an eternity looking down on us seeing us in our pain and despair, seeing us sin, seeing us make mistakes. I do not believe he would. Because that is the point of heaven, we are free from this place. We never have to see or feel the pain and sorrow from this life again. It's bliss. And therefore, although I suppose it will be a very long time until I see my dad again...I have hope, because he is rejoicing and meanwhile God is using me for his glory here on earth. And time is not the same in heaven, how can you measure eternity? To us it may be a lifetime, to them it may merely be a moment.
Reply
Well written. I believe as you. God is not going to allow those who have been called home before us to see our bereavement here on this sinfuld earth. Closing Note: For God so Loved the World, that he Gave his ONLY begotten son, that whosoever believes in him, shall not perish but have eternal life.
Believe, accept me as your Personal Saviour and I promise you, you will have eternal life in heaven. Signed, Jesus
Lisa, I know what you are going through on Sept. 30th, 1998, I lost my dad,Peter W. Nielsen Jr.at the age of 68 due to heart problems. See, my parents got divorced when I was 16, and all of thier 3 kids stayed with Dad who was both our parents, as my mom literally left us for a drunken bumb. We haven't heard from mom but on rare occasions since she left us in 1974. So, when Dad died I lost both my parents at once. I have never been the same, I used to be a strong person, but now I am a worry wart,a crying baby and very insecure with relationships I have. I thank God for the husband I have of 27 yrs,(30 Yrs,since our first date),and 2 wonderful children,daughter,24 yrs and a son,23 yrs old, if it wasn't for them, I would have taken my own life after dad passed away. The giref does fade away with time,but there is every once in awhile I have a memory that just tearsmy heart apart again and I cry alot. Lisa, God Bless you and he will comfort you and I know you will see Patrick again and so will I see my dad again, in that place called heaven. Can't wait to give dad a hug and kiss and have him call me angel again.
Reply
Lisa, it is very obvious to all who have seen the two of you together that you love each other very much. I was about to type "loved," but a love like that never ends. Patrick knows you love him. My husband is like Sam. He can never bring himself to say he loves me unless it is in a silly voice or whatever, but I know he loves me. Look around for little signs. My Dad died 27 years ago and from time to time since then I will smell cigar smoke. He smoked cigars. He had to give them up, but the week before he died, he started smoking again. I believe that it is my father visiting. (A couple of years ago, I was working at a hospital and was talking to a couple of co-workers who were not aware of the cigar smoke thing. I started smelling it. I didn't say anything and one of the girls said she smelled smoke and the other one said she did, too..) Last year, my mother-in-law died and the day she died, we all started finding dimes. My sister was working at a furniture store at the time and was at work when I called to tell her my mother-in-law had died. I told her about the dimes and the girl she was working with told her that she had just found a dime in a chair when she was fixing a cushion. One time, my sister bought a pair of jeans and when she reached in the pocket, there were 3 foil angels. She put one in an aunt's casket and another one in another aunt's casket. Then my mother died and she put the last of the angels in her casket. A couple of weeks later, she was cleaning and found an angel next to the chair my mother always sat in when she was at her house. So visits don't have to be big, in your face things. They can be little things that could be missed if you aren't looking for them.
Reply
Usually the comment section on aol makes me cry from all the hatred and mean things people say. Today it made me cry from all the love and support. I was a huge fan of Patrick, will miss him. Lisa, hang in there. I can't even imagine losing my hubby of 25 years, the thought scares the crap out of me. He is with you now, and will always be by your side. Love continues -
Reply
Please take your stupid ad and post it elsewhere. Can,t you see that this is a blog concerning some very sensitive postings. Why do have to ruin the conversation with these low life ads. Kind of like the lawyer chasing after the ambulance. Can you not afford to advertise your product. In fact I will never visit the site because of the rude way that it is posted. Stop being a jerk and have some respect for other people.
Reply
The love between Patrick and Lisa was undeniably, a
true fairy tale. Patrick and Lisa have had their
ups and downs but each and every time they had each
other to rely on and knew that their love would not
falter. I feel bad Lisa didn't become a mother, as that was something they would often times discuss, but after Lisa's untimely and traumatic miscarriage
they put that aside for a while, but they never were ever able to have a baby. But with or without a baby they had each other which is really the only
thing that counts! Lisa was Patrick's rock and vice
versa. I just can't imagine the pain that Lisa is going through at this time. I know from experience that time will heal all wounds, big and small.
Reply
I had a vision of my brother the morning after he died, I saw his face and he was laughing and saying I am free, laughed again and said I am free...so he was happy and free of his lung disease. He came to me in a vision twice after that, I saw the white light the white pillars on both sides of the white light, then when I looked down I saw a ramp that you could walk right on top of the stars and up to the white light. I looked down at earth and saw my brother visiting friends and then he came up to the heavenly ramp and looked at all the gold clouds and could not get over that they were gold..then suddenly he was in the clearing between the ramp and the gold cloud and she slump a bit and laughed and said Okay you got me!! And he was woosh he was up at the white light. Then on the 3rd vision while driving I heard him say and saw his face, he said I would like it there meaning in heaven. He also had two vision of Jesus before he died..he told me about one and then he had the other vision moments before he died. Dogs and cats go to heaven too, I had vision of those too. I am not a crackpot I am just open to what God wants me to see.
Reply
When I hear of these stories of dead love ones appearing to them I can't help but ask the question why the hell did they leave in the first place?
There is no appearing of love ones once they have died the only thing that keeps going is the wonderful memories you had together and thats called the spirit of love.
Just the messenger.
Reply
I lost my hubby of 34 yrs almost 3 yrs ago ( jan 4th 2007 ) and not a day goes by that i do not think of him. I too wish now that i told him more often how much i loved him and what he really meant to me. I believe3 in my heart that i will see him again when my time on this earth is done and that will be the happiest day of my life. He had skin cancer the worst form (malenoma) and we didnt have insurance so he waited to long befotre he had it checked and i believe that was the wrong thing but its to late now. Please if you truely love someone TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM AND TELL THEM HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU. It may be the last time you get a chance to.
Reply
I am also grieving the loss of my boyfrined. Its gonna be 3 months this monday. i've also seen him in dreams but sometimes I wish I could have more of him. Its hard to let go. The last time he came to me in dreams he told me not to cry no more and for that weekend I was strong but it seems like sometimes I loss all strength.
Reply
I should have said "I have talked with my husband and mother at their graves" - because I still do and always will. Even walking around the house or yard or looking at the stars at night I talk with them - or to them. - Pauline
Reply
I lost my wife Maryann on 2/11/09, two years to the day from the time she was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. We were together just shy of fifty years, married for 42 years and dating for seven. She was my childhood sweetheart and the only woman I've ever really loved. I was thirteen and she was twelve when we met. Strange to say, or maybe not so strange, I feel her presence and guidance more now than ever before. I realize in a way that I didn't, that I wasn't able to when she was physically with me, just how precious, just how loving, just how unbelievable she was. I was delivered from fifty years of drug abuse shortly after she passed on. I cried out to God, and I'm sure Maryann was listening, to set me free from the curse I had lived with for so long. There was a time during Maryann's last days when I was teetering on the brink of the abyss. It wouldn't have taken much for me to fall in and be lost forever. Friends and relatives were approaching my son and telling him he would have to take the helm 'cause I surely didn't look like I was able to. I live now in thanksgiving to God and to my beautiful wife for the guidance I've received. He, for bearing with me for so long, and reaching out His hand when I needed it most, and Maryann for dealing with me in this life.
She never gave up on me and my one regret is that I couldn't be the way I am now for her when we were together. She guides my every step with her memory, her love, her compassion. I didn't know that she was my mentor when I had her, I only realized it after she was gone. I will strive to make her proud of me and will be eternally in her debt for choosing me, for loving me and for not giving up on me. We made our peace before she left and it does my heart good to reflect on that.
Reply
Lisa: As I read your "I have to Go Through It", and the tears just flowed as I walked that same road with you. On 9-19-09 the love of my life, Jim, went to heaven. We were childhood sweethearts. Dated 7 years and married for 38. We grew up together. Had no children. We just lived for each other.
We were living the perfect life; a perfect husband, a perfect marriage, a perfect home. We were happy, traveling, loving life and then in May 09 he had indigestion, had it checked out in June and dr put him on acidic stomach meds, no better in July, had a cat scan and bingo, cancer that metasized into the liver, lymph nodes outside the stomach and 2 spots in lung. One to two months to live. Our lives were over that day. I truly do not know if I can go on without him. I want to be where he is. Friends are there for me, but it's just not the same. It does help me though to read testimonies like yours. I then know I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing. Perhaps it will save a life.
Reply
Lisa, Always keep the wonderful memories close to your heart. I believe that when someone loses a loved one that they are always with you in spirit more like an angel watching over you. I pray that peace will be with you always. Time will heal itself.
Reply