Why You're Searching for 'Chelsea Handler Playboy,' 'Chuck Biscuits,' and 'Larry Johnson Slurs'

Boondock Saints 2 Release Locations – This movie snuck up on action flick fanatics like a scorpion on a sleeping cowboy. Yes, it's here. But it's not everywhere. According to IMDb, 'The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day' will only be showing California, New York, Pensylvania and Massachusetts this weekend. Sucks for you sleeping cowboys out in Texas.

Chelsea Handler Playboy Pictures – Yeah, we were surprised as anyone to discover the popular late-night comedienne would appear in Playboy. Popular late-night comediennes whose shows have been renewed until 2012 just don't do that. But Chelsea's not your typical gal, and on tonight's 'The Jay Leno Show' she reveals that she's on the cover of the December issue. But the 34-year-old won't say whether she takes it all off or not within the mag's pages. "I'm not naked on the cover," she tells Jay. You never know what to expect from this one, though.

Oprah.com/Payless – We're not getting paid to make the announcement that there's now a killer shoe deal going on at Oprah.com/Payless. Oprah, Payless, if you're listening, please call our business dept. immediately and compensate us. We're poor. At least a lot more poor than you. Maybe we should just shutup and take this opportunity to buy some cheap shoes...

Chuck Biscuits – It just feels wrong when rock stars die of cancer. They should go down in flaming mushroom clouds of gnarly wreckage – metaphorically speaking. Not wither away on sick beds. We don't know the particulars of Chuck Biscuit's death, but the official cause is throat cancer. Biscuits played drums with heavy metal bands like Black Flag, Danzig and Social Distortion. He was 44. (P.S. There's a chance this is a hoax, in which case we're totally satisfied with the rock 'n roll-ness of this news item.)

Last Minute Halloween Costumes for Adults – Yes, this is a huge set of keywords right now. You might find something online, but heed our advice: do something original. How best to do that? Here's one way. Take a historical or political or celebrity figure, and make him or her something he or she is not. For example, dress up as Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, but make him gay. Be the gay Ahmadinejad. Or maybe the black Taylor Swift. Or the straight RuPaul... OK, now we've confused ourselves.

Larry Johnson Slurs – Larry Johnson is the very well-paid, poorly performing starting running back for the Kansas City Chiefs. He was probably frustrated before his Twitter fans started heckling him, but this week he tweeted back something not so appropriate, and the NFL cracked down. Today Larry Johnson was suspended for two weeks, pulling something like $600,000 from his pockets. Poor dude.