Conan O'Brien didn't hold anything back in his first 'Tonight Show' since officially stating that he would not be willing to jump to 12:05 a.m. to make room for Jay Leno thanks to the massive chaos in NBC's nighttime lineup. "Welcome to NBC, where our new slogan is 'No longer just screwing up prime-time,'" O'Brien said in his opening monologue. More scathing quotes and clips after the jump!