How the 'Jersey Shore' Cast Should Spend Their Money
By Mike Hess Posted Jan 27th 2010 02:43PM
With word that the fun-loving, tan-tastic kids of MTV's 'Jersey Shore' are renegotiating their contracts so that they earn $10,000 per episode in a new season, a few thoughts went through our mind. Firstly: Damn, that's a lot of money (though with their ratings, we say they deserve it whether they're buffoons or not). And secondly ... what could/should they buy with their newfound wealth? So, we broke down what could be purchased with one episode's paycheck ($10k), including some recommendations we think would benefit their next summer in Seaside Heights.
'The Situation' and pals could each buy four tanning beds @ $2,399 (with extra coin left over for tanning oil, to boot). All those trips to the tanning salon could be finito ... and your very own personal tanning booth would only cost you 1/4 of an episode. Orange happiness is abundant.
Putting the L in GTL, laundry is perhaps the most essential part of maintaining maximum club freshness. The 'JS' crew could do 13,333 loads of laundry @ $0.75 per wash with their new salary. If only they made Drakkar Noir scented fabric softener.
Pizza seems to be the go-to post-club booze-soaker-upper, and lucky for them, we looked up a Papa John's pizzeria closest to Seaside Heights -- and found one in nearby Tom's River! So, kids, you now have the ability to order 588 Papa John's XL Spicy Italian Pizzas @ $16.99 each. Spicy Italian pizzas for some spicy Italians ... it's fate, people.
One must always be fitted with the finest clothing baring eagles, tribal bands, vintage rose tattoos encroaching the collar of your shirt in the Jersey Shore. Nobody fills that demand better than Ed Hardy, and 166 of these Gosselin-approved Ed Hardy Shirts @ $59.99 shirts could be purchased per person each episode.
We figure 741 tubes of Ice Spiker Hair Gel @ $13.49 -- Pauly D's go-to hair cement -- should be enough for about a week of maximum blow-out- bonanzas and superior structure.
Fisticuffs are as ubiquitous as six-packs and cleavage on the show, so some grill protection seems in order. Because they're so easy to misplace, each cast member should snag 2,004 sports mouthpieces @ $4.99 each. Because pretty much everyone winds up eating a punch at some point, this seems like a wise investment. Nobody wants to "smoosh" someone with missing chicklets.
Everyone should drink responsibly, and these Blood-Alcohol Monitors @ $44.95 are a steal! They could each buy 222 of them, after a night full of Jaeger Bombs and Ron-Ron Juice, everyone could head back to the house and play Who's the Most Hammered!
- Jennifer Aniston
- Paris Hilton
Kate Middleton is officially a princess. She walked the aisle in an Alexander...
According to Denise, she's not sure that her estranged ex is completely sober....
Popeater Hot Topics
- Hillary Clinton, Ellen DeGeneres Write Sweet Responses to Gay Teen in Humans of New York Post
- Jada Pinkett Smith: Will Smith Has Me "On Lockdown," Knows I Wouldn't Cheat on Him
- Britney Spears Recreates Oops Album Cover With Sons Jayden and Sean in Cute Twitter Photo
- Diana Douglas, first wife of Kirk Douglas, dies at 92
- Stars in stripes
- Illinois city condemns Dick Van Dyke's childhood home