How the 'Jersey Shore' Cast Should Spend Their Money

By Mike Hess Posted Jan 27th 2010 02:43PM

With word that the fun-loving, tan-tastic kids of MTV's 'Jersey Shore' are renegotiating their contracts so that they earn $10,000 per episode in a new season, a few thoughts went through our mind. Firstly: Damn, that's a lot of money (though with their ratings, we say they deserve it whether they're buffoons or not). And secondly ... what could/should they buy with their newfound wealth? So, we broke down what could be purchased with one episode's paycheck ($10k), including some recommendations we think would benefit their next summer in Seaside Heights.

4
'The Situation' and pals could each buy four tanning beds @ $2,399 (with extra coin left over for tanning oil, to boot). All those trips to the tanning salon could be finito ... and your very own personal tanning booth would only cost you 1/4 of an episode. Orange happiness is abundant.

13,333
Putting the L in GTL, laundry is perhaps the most essential part of maintaining maximum club freshness. The 'JS' crew could do 13,333 loads of laundry @ $0.75 per wash with their new salary. If only they made Drakkar Noir scented fabric softener.

588
Pizza seems to be the go-to post-club booze-soaker-upper, and lucky for them, we looked up a Papa John's pizzeria closest to Seaside Heights -- and found one in nearby Tom's River! So, kids, you now have the ability to order 588 Papa John's XL Spicy Italian Pizzas @ $16.99 each. Spicy Italian pizzas for some spicy Italians ... it's fate, people.

166
One must always be fitted with the finest clothing baring eagles, tribal bands, vintage rose tattoos encroaching the collar of your shirt in the Jersey Shore. Nobody fills that demand better than Ed Hardy, and 166 of these Gosselin-approved Ed Hardy Shirts @ $59.99 shirts could be purchased per person each episode.

741
We figure 741 tubes of Ice Spiker Hair Gel @ $13.49 -- Pauly D's go-to hair cement -- should be enough for about a week of maximum blow-out- bonanzas and superior structure.

2,004
Fisticuffs are as ubiquitous as six-packs and cleavage on the show, so some grill protection seems in order. Because they're so easy to misplace, each cast member should snag 2,004 sports mouthpieces @ $4.99 each. Because pretty much everyone winds up eating a punch at some point, this seems like a wise investment. Nobody wants to "smoosh" someone with missing chicklets.

222
Everyone should drink responsibly, and these Blood-Alcohol Monitors @ $44.95 are a steal! They could each buy 222 of them, after a night full of Jaeger Bombs and Ron-Ron Juice, everyone could head back to the house and play Who's the Most Hammered!

Tags: DJ pauly D, jersey shore, jwoww, MTV, reality tv, snooki, the situation

Comments

(15)

Wednesday 27 January

By leroy

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well..since their all italians i suggest ..waxing their hairy italian bodies ..both the girls and guys..you know they wanna look good for tv..and maybe some pasta and pizza..oh..and hair gell..UH UH UH YEAHHHH DOGG # 1 AND YOU`RE NOT ..UH UH UH WHAT ?? WHAT ??

By sgnoraa47

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Leroy...UH UH UH...seriously, youre proud of having no life and sitting around clicking refresh on AOL all day? LOL.

Oh, and this is the dumbest story Ive ever seen on the internet. Nice.

By cybermom

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I watched "Jersey Shore" this past season. It was my guilty pleasure and there was so much hype surrounding the show. I won't tune in next season. Every episode was essetentially the same. Hook-ups, crass language, average to below average intelligence, so incredibly shallow personalities. Do these "stars" have any real life goals? For me the storyline, what there was of it....one and done.

By Cahoots

The money could be used for a gym membership for that chubby oompa loompa snooki.

By SHERRY

Snooki???? Who the hell wants their name to be Snooki? Her hair? She looks like frickin Elvira, midget version. All of them are nobody's, and for them to get 10k per episode is ridiculous, seriously? All of them are ugly, probably high school drop outs. I won't be watching next season. I only watched a couple of episodes and that was enough for me.

By Jason

MTV should cancel the show and replace it with rock and roll music videos. Not rap videos, but pure rock and roll.

By t mill

Like the Hills, overpaid wannabes. They extremely lack class & talent and this latest group of young people are totally unattractive. Why do the females feel it's a must to stick their chests out for show.. It's a pity.

By Max

Get as much as you can and SAVE it, SAVE it. You are all easily replaceable, as even more pitiful examples of humanity are waiting to replace you on the show. Remember you will get older, the biggest sin of all, so you will NEED that cash since your educations will only allow food service or low-level maintainance jobs. This sounds harsh, but I am serious. You will be ouked out by the entertainment machine, and all your fand put together couldn't afford a pint of hair gel.

Please excuse my typos. I am harping about education and did not totally proofread what I entered. If this makes me dumb, please consider me as a cast member. I am working on my accent.

By noelle

men who care about their hair that much & about tanning seem gay to me. seriously it's ok when my gay friends obsess over their hair & all that crap but if my straight guy friends did that i'd be questioning their sexuality.

By starchild1211992

The fact that there's someone in "Jersey" named Snookie tells you everything you need to know about this,can't imagine wanting to be around any of these "people" for any extended length of time,they're so gross.Then again,if they were just like your next door neighbors,no one would watch,would they? That's how bored we are today,we look at these dna rejects for our amusement.Please,stay in New Jersey.

By Karen V

I had a house down the shore in NJ for 2 summers. It was such a great time. Realize these people are young. All of them go to school in the fall. The summer is the time for them to have fun. The only blunder with this show is if you are from NJ you never refer to the shore as the "Jersey Shore" it's just the "shore." Other then that, that is what goes on all summer.

By RL

You shouldn't reward people for bad behavior....how will they ever learn what idiots they are?

By MandiP

Not once did you mention "university education". If these young adults do go to college, please do us all a favor and list each school and major. I'd like to start making a list of where not to send my children.

Thursday 28 January

By reena

I think the show is funny and entertaining...I may not admit that to someone in person, but...
you have to take it as it is. As in all reality t.v. now a days, I believe, it is scripted to a degree. If it portrays them in a certain light, that may be due to editing. That's all I'm saying, just give them a chance! to me, Snooki is the funniest and most entertaining...and I think she does have a sweet side to her. and my cat is named The Snook, so she had me already with her name!!
I would rather this reality cast get paid big bucks, more so than the Hills and all that BS.

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