Jamie Jungers Named the Miss Mistress in Howard Stern Pageant

"Who else could pull off a thing?" Howard said in a press conference following the pageant. "Who thought I would be a good host of a beauty pageant? I was calm cool and collected. Each of these women became more human to me and their stories more real. They each walk out winners."

But there truly was only one winner. Of the three ladies, it was Jungers who was awarded the crown by a landslide and not because of her looks or her bejeweled belly button, but because of her honesty and the fact that she truly was a mistress. There arose some question over whether Loredana Jolie could actually call herself a mistress since she claimed to have been "paired" with Tiger through a "matchmaking" agency at a cost of $15,000. Don't worry, she is fairly certain she isn't a prostitute, just a really expensive date.



Winning the $75,000 first prize (sponsored by dating website Ashley Madison), getting that crown and a bouquet of roses mounted on a golf club was probably the happiest moment of Jungers' life. Through her tears she delivered a speech worthy of the Academy Awards, thanking god, her mom and her little dog Apple for making her dream possible. And what will she do with the prize money? Jungers plans to use the $75K to move her family to Las Vegas, where hopefully they will all hook up with famous married men and one day also win an ironic beauty pageant.

So what did we learn from the Miss. Mistress pageant besides reaffirming that Howard Stern is a genius? Lots of things. Not every revelation was new mind you, but Howard seems to have a knack for drawing out dirty details from women, especially when they're wearing very little clothing. Unfortunately most of what was discussed on satellite radio is unprintable on a PG-13 website so we'll try to sanitize it for you.

Tiger thinks condoms are for losers.
With two of the three women competing in the pageant (Jungers and Grubbs) Tiger didn't use any protection at all. "He never mentioned it or asked if I was on birth control. He' d pull out," Jungers said. "I was shocked I didn't get pregnant." Loredana Jolie said she asked Tiger to wear a condom every time.

Tiger is a big boy.
Two out of three women (Jungers and Jolie) agreed that Tiger was well-endowed. "I wasn't frightened but yeah he's a pretty good size," Jungers said. Loredana Jolie claimed she was also a paramour of Michael Jordan and Bruce Willis (sorry to drag you into this mess guys) and that Tiger was the most sizable out of all three.

Jamie Jungers wanted to have a threesome....with Tiger's wife.
"He mentioned it [having a threesome] and I said only if I can pick and he said OK and I said if it's your wife," Jungers said. Apparently he didn't mention it again.

Tiger likes role playing.
But only with Loredana Jolie (the other two women said he didn't indulge with them), who claims that Woods would invite blonds (and only blonds) of all different nationalities to perform sexual acts on each other in front of him while he wore a business suit. We've never heard of that particular role play..board room? Naughty CEO? Celebrity Apprentice? "Everyone was naked and he was in a suit. He wore the whole suit and he would sit there in a chair," Jolie said. "We were like little puppets"

Tiger is cheap.
Jamie Jungers once asked Tiger for some money to pay her rent and he told her no way. "I felt trapped. I said can you please help me I said I don't know what else to do and I'm already embarrassed to ask you and he said I can't. I stopped being with him after that after 18 months," Jungers said. But that wasn't all. The man raking in millions from sponsorships never even bought her nice presents and when he flew her out to see him it was on Southwest, in coach. "He was cheap. He never tipped at restaurants. It embarrassed me," Jungers said.

Tiger loves nicknames.
He named Jungers, "My Little Coffee Cup" and "Jamie Juices." He just called Loredana LD (because their relationship was strictly professional) and referred to Grubbs as "Skinny Fat." "He says I eat like a fat person but I'm skinny," Grubbs said.

Jamie Grubbs believes she is the superior mistress.
She came in second place but Jamie Grubbs believes she is far superior to the other mistresses. She bailed on the show the second she found out she wasn't getting that $75k check and a bouquet full of golf balls. "She made me uncomfortable," Jungers said. Meowch!!

But at the end of the day everyone wins. Jolie took home $10k as the third place winner. Grubbs got $15k for 45 minutes of her time. And they all got flat screen tvs. Plus I think we all know that these women, these aspiring models and actresses and ladies who get paid $15k to go on dates just wanted that extra 15 minutes in the spotlight. Even we feel like winners. Thanks Howard!

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• Sex That's SFW
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• Troublemakers
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• WTF
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• Celebrity Scandal