Five Infidelity Victims Offer Advice for Sandra Bullock

By The Pop Chorus Posted Mar 22nd 2010 04:30PM

With news of Jesse James cheating on wife Sandra Bullock with Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, we turned to our ever-growing Pop Chorus for their own tales of infidelity and to seek out advice for the recent Best Actress Oscar winner.

After the jump, five betrayed women share their stories and suggest different lines of action for Sandra Bullock.

It's Never Really About the Cheating by Kori Burnham
I've been both cheater and cheated upon, and each role is gut-wrenching for distinct and separate reasons. The first time a boyfriend cheated on me, I was a freshman in college. I thought my world was ending ... that I would die of some sort of 'Sex and the City' and ice cream-induced coma. Six years later, I'm still alive, kicking and laughing about it. I would be remiss to pretend my experience as an eighteen-year-old is the same as that of a married woman who finds out her husband has been unfaithful, but I do believe there are fundamental truths about cheating that are relevant regardless of age, experience and situation.

The times I've been cheated on, and alternatively, the times I've cheated, have often signified something much larger. Every incident occurred because there was something profoundly wrong with the relationship. Usually, it was something both partners had contributed to. Occasionally, it was because one of us didn't have the courage to speak up about how they really felt. Regardless, it was never about the cheating, per se, or the fact that someone else was so attractive we couldn't contain ourselves. It had more to do with insecurity, dishonesty, anger and resentment. Frankly, these things all could have been fixed or dealt with in a productive manner, but immaturity and emotional outbursts got in the way.

Look, Sandy -- my point is, this totally sucks. A lot. (Especially having seen the pictures of your husband's alleged mistress -- you're so much prettier than her.) Honestly, something's wrong in your marriage. It might not be your fault; in fact, it might not even have anything to do with you at all, but it's there, and it just exploded in your face. Either you can choose to work on it, or you can choose to leave your husband. Just know this -- if you can't ever forgive him, don't stay with him. It will break both of your hearts all over again, and you deserve better.

Sometimes a Second Chance is Worth It by TiAta Rogers
My husband and I have been together almost eight years. Several years ago, we had five kids between us and I was pregnant. My husband was working long hours, and I was always home with the kids. As my husband's "hours" got longer and longer, he was leaving before the kids got up for school and coming home long after everyone was in bed.

I never thought it would come down to what it did: My husband walked out on me for another woman, someone he had met through a friend. Did I consider her to be a downgrade? Absolutely. My husband was not the first, nor the last, married man she had an affair with.

I thought seriously about divorce, but I did love him. I know that sounds stupid, but feelings aren't something that can just be turned on and off. I finally began getting my head straight. I was going out with friends and life was carrying on. He wanted to come home, and I took him. I'm not ashamed to admit it -- I loved him and wanted to make it work. Trust is still a struggle; I won't sit here and say that I trust him completely, because I don't. But I'm trying, and it gets better every day. Do I believe that he regrets what happened? Absolutely. Would he take it back if he could? No doubt. He tore out the very foundation of our relationship and the entire structure fell. But we picked up the pieces and put it back together.

If Sandra has no room for reconciling, then good for her. She can move on. She'll find someone else. But if she feels he is her heart and they want to work it out, they should get counseling. My husband and I learned that I had to talk about it, that I had questions that needed answered. I needed reassurance, and communication is key to making it work. Trust is fragile and if Sandra and Jesse decide to work it out, he needs to do whatever it takes to begin to build the trust back. It is a long process. No matter what, Sandra has to remind herself that she is beautiful and intelligent and talented. She's a catch for any man. In my darkest hours, I reminded myself that even if he didn't love and respect me, lots of people did, and I was never alone. No one is ever truly alone.

Being Cheated on Can Turn Out to Be a Big Win... Eventually by Nikki Dowling
We'd been together for three years, and he was, supposedly, madly in love with me. He told me he'd never leave, that he wanted to get married and have kids. He claimed he couldn't even look at other women. One day, stopping by his house, I climbed the stairs to his loft and peeked into his bedroom. He bolted upright in his bed and started yelling at me about knocking before coming in and showing respect.

That's when I saw it. Someone groaned and rolled over. I saw a long, pale arm and a head full of blond hair. I'd always thought that if I caught my boyfriend cheating, I'd make a big, violent scene. But it turns out, my shock worked in my favor. I kept it classy, left without a word and conveyed how hurt I was without hurting anyone else. My reaction -- or lack thereof -- really made him wonder what I was thinking. He tried to explain, but I refused to hear it. I made it clear that we were over.

Despite the fact that he and I have been broken up for years, he still calls. My friends tell me he dates women who look like me. When we do talk, he tells me he loves me before hanging up, despite the fact that he and his current girlfriend just had twins. So despite the fact that I've been cheated on, I really feel like I got the better deal. For him, I'll always be the one that got away -- the girl he was totally in love with but couldn't stay faithful to. I'm glad I caught him cheating because, if I hadn't, I might still be with an unfaithful man. In the end, I won.

Better Luck Next Time, Jesse by Carole Schnell
In college, I went away for a weekend to Myrtle Beach. When I returned, the guy I'd dated for two years had gotten married. Actually married! At his first opportunity, he came to see me and let me know he had made a mistake, would be getting a divorce immediately and had realized how much he was actually in love with me. I was young and stupid and believed him. Now, I was in the position -- at the age of 20 -- to have an affair. I thought I was in love with him; I wanted his story to be true. So I did continue to see him for about two months.

No matter how shocking that was, looking back, I am so glad he did marry that girl and not me. I went on with my life. A year passed ... I was out of school now and living in New York. One morning on my way to work, my phone rang -- he was in New York and wanted to see me. He had left this poor girl and thought he could surprise me with his good news. I was in a relationship with a man who would later become my husband. I thanked the old flame for the call, but told him that frankly it was too late to matter.

He pleaded and said all the things that, years before, I would have loved to hear. But love is funny -- like a piece of exquisite crystal, beautiful and sparkling, but also fragile. If you break it, the glue lines always show. What is now broken can never be the same again. I married a guy who hasn't worried me once about infidelity. He is my best friend. We raised kids, went through hardships and made a great life for ourselves.

I hope Sandra Bullock finds someone that deserves that wonderful speech she gave at the Oscars. I hope Jesse James realizes what he broke, and that the next time he gets a bit of good crystal, he better take care of it.

The Greatest Revenge by Cindy Pierce
My husband of 13 years cheated on me. He dated a co-worker for several years before I discovered the situation. Is this other woman beneath me? Of course she is -- she dates married men.

The greatest advice I can give a person who has been cheated on is to have patience, not toward the cheater, but with yourself. The hurt feelings and anger when discovering the breach will certainly cloud your view at first, so take it easy and understand your emotions will be foggy for a while.

I trusted that my spouse would be true to me, especially since I was filling all the appropriate shoes in the marriage -- wife, equal breadwinner, best friend. Basically, I did the right thing, the honorable thing, the loving thing. My husband did not. Unfortunately, some people never learn the value of loyalty -- and those folks are best not in the role of spouse. Lesson learned: Sometimes you do all the right things and life still doesn't treat you fairly.

Five years after getting out of what I now know was a very unhealthy situation, I have no regrets for leaving that life behind. The fog has lifted and I see clearly now. I have no regrets about my behavior and actions. No regrets for having expected loyalty. And best of all, I didn't allow my spouse's lack of character to become my problem. The greatest revenge is to live a good life.

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Tags: affair, jesse james, Michelle mcgee, sandra bullock, the pop chorus

Comments

(319)

Monday 22 March

By fourtyd200

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Blindsided by Jesse, I am sure that Sandra had no clue what Jesse was doing.I've been there.
It is like having your soul ripped out, chewed up, spit out on the ground, and then having the
cheater jump up and down on whats left. It was the last thing I expected. I was foolish enough
to think that cheating would'nt happen to us. Like Sandra, I thought we had a great marriage.
The cheating had nothing to do with me. It was about a lot of unresolved childhood issues with his father. No excuse of course!!! But it sure opened my eyes. It made me stronger and a lot more realistic. Please do not judge Sandra. This can happen to anyone.

By lin

so sad ,but then cheater's never really believe they will get caught. This goes for both gender's, however I never blamed the woman, who cheated with my husband of 14 year's & father to our four children, bottom line he lied to her, as well as to me, when he broke the vow's we both made. Why women blame other women is beyond me, Lady's remember this ,when a man, or woman, is going to run , they lie not only to there spouse's,but there intended target/victim. Either accept it get help, or leave them & start over ,much the wiser I might add. I will keep Sandra in my Prayer's & as for Jesse,I am sure it will take him a long time to forget how many people he hurt,including his children losing a Mother, who I am sure loved them as her own.

By Jerk B Jesse

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Ook Sandra & this Michelle FREAK?!?! Jesse J needs some serious help.

By J-anne

I have to slightly disagree with Kimberly. Generally speaking you may be right, some women may not realise the men they are having a relationship with may be married. In this case, and in the case of most celebrities...how could she NOT know he was married to Sandra Bullock. I'm not the biggest fan of either one of them and I knew they were married. Wether she thought the relationship was over (as she has claimed), until he is legally divorced she is still sleeping with a married man. So, shame on her and most definitely shame on HIM.

Tuesday 23 March

By Danielle

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WTF?? He is ugly as sin...what was Sandra, who is an obvious goddess, stooping down to the bottom of the barrell anyway?

By linwats

You know, it's just a thing called self-control that could prevent so many divorces and one-parent families. The grass may look greener on the other side many times but it usually isn't.

By Lucy

Dear Sandra! You'r a beautifull woman, smart person, and classy actress. Anyone can make a mistake. Forget this mud, and run awey from that pig. His destany is a prostitutes and derty woman's. He'll never chenge. You are not deserve to be in this situation. Love you, and believe in you - you can do it!!!!

By KC

Sandra should absolutly not take this jerk back, he has a fetish for distgustibg tatooed tramps & that won't change, Sandra is in a diffrent class than Jesse, he doesn't deseve her & he never will. This couldn't have happened at a worse time for her-she was relishing in the movie "Blind Side" & instead of standing behind his woman, he chose to have an affair with one of the most disgusting looking women I've ever see. Sandra & Jesse are 2 diffrent creatures-he's a low life & she is a talented star. If she still loves him well then she'll get over it because if she takes this idiot back it will happen again. How will she ever be able to trust him when she's away on a movie shoot? It would always be in the back of her mind & she doesn't deserve that. Cut your ties Sandra, you will be so glad you did. Your self worth & piece if mind are priceless.Best of Luck & God Bless. You did not deserve this.

By Joni Berry

I was cheated on in my first marriage and found a great guy in my second. It is never fair to the kids, period. Sometimes I wonder if it is because so many want something they think they don't have or are not getting. Grass is always greener and we can always feel sorry for ourselves because society tells us we deserve more. The Apostle Paul tells us we need to learn to be happy where we are in life. Just because we think our lives will be better if we just jump to the greener side, is usually a falsehood. A little more money, fame or sex with someone other than our spouse does not bring happiness. Jesse was obviously looking for something he thought would bring him pleasure/happiness or boost his ego, instead it screwed up what could of been the best time of his entire life with Sandra and his children. God Bless the children, Sandra and yes, Jesse. They all need healing.

By KBB

I think Sandra Bullock should have gone through with her plans to attend the openings of "The Blind Side". She did a wonderful job of acting in the movie, and deserves to enjoy all of the parties that go along with her Oscar win.

By PoorSandy

There's no doubt that Jesse and Tiger are selfish idiots. And, there's no doubt that they deserve all of the public ire that they are getting. But, what really galls me is that sleezy women like Joslyn James and Michelle Bombshell McGee are gaining fame and money at the expense of the innocent spouses and children of these men.

Joslyn, a former porn star (what does that tell you), has the nerve to hire an attorney becuse she's upset that Tiger betrayed her by sleeping with other women while they were together. Umm . . . she knew Tiger was married, but that didn't stop her from having an affair with him with absolutely no concern for his wife or children. Where does she get off acting like she's the victim?

Bombshell sold her story to the tabloids and is ready to auction off more. She says she thought Jesse was separated. Well, she's clearly familiar with tabloids since she went to one to sell her story. And, since some of her tattoos are words, I can only assume she can read. Therefore, she's full of crap that she thought Jesse and Sandra were separated because it would've been all over the tabloids, much like it is now. She just wanted the money and notoriety.

If these women just wanted revenge on the men, which isn't entirely unreasonable, they could've talked to the wives privately about these matters, but that's clearly not all they wanted. They are seeking fame and fortune at the expense of the innocent wives and children of these men. These women may have talents that they aren't keeping so hidden, but certainly these skills aren't deserving of fame and fortune. If I were Sandra and Elin, I'd sue these women for intentional infliction of emotional distress because these are private matters that should be dealt with by a husband and a wife, not in the public eye. That makes the pain of finding out the husband that you loved and trusted was unfaithful even more unbearable and these women are being rewarded for being floozies and for not showing one ounce of humanity toward their victims.

Friday 26 March

By Come on...

"Poor Sandy"........you hit the nail on the head. Kudo's to you. These women didn't think about what they were doing to the children involved, or they just don't give a darn! Jesse James' little girl had a real "mom," probably for the first time. She had a woman with class to model appropriate behavior and love; now that is, quite possibly, gone forever. What other "class act" woman will get involved with Jesse after this fiasco?

By Judith Moshenek

Just so we are all on the same page.....a lot of us......men and women.....have had similiar problems with people who said they loved us. It's not just a man/woman thing it's a person thing. I've heard every reason in the world on why some people cheat and have always said that cheating is wrong no matter what it is whether on a test, in sports , or marriage. I learned at a young age how hurtful it can be because my mother got mad at my stepfather for someting really dumb and she deliberately went out and cheated on him. My stepdad was on of the finest individuals I've ever met and she hurt him terribly. At one point there was talk of divorce and he was bound and determined that my brothers and I were going to stay with him and not go from pillar to post the way my middle brother and I had when she cheated on and wound up divorced from my birth father. If it were not for the efforts of my mothers family there is no telling where my middle brother and I might have wound up.....That was 50 some odd years ago. I didn't let it rule my life and I didn't let my own divorces rule my life either. I think men can be wonderful human beings and I hope to marry again someday.

By P.

Sandra once played the role of a character that was jilted by her husband in a movie called "Hope Floats" (opposite Harry Connick, Jr). Whatever motivation she found for her character (to live again) I hope she draws from that strength, because in her case life is indeed imitating art. What a shame. My heart goes out to her mainly for the embarrassment of openly bragging on her husband.

By Kimberly

Sandra, I found out 5 months ago my husband of 2 years was cheating on me (AGAIN). I haven't forgotten, it is painful beyond words....But he is forgiven. Hang in there. You will sleep again. You will find out how strong you are. Mya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them". You just have to determine if he is ultimately good and made a mistake or if he is a cheater with good qualities. Good Luck

By tamsey

I don't think you can possibly judge this situation from the outside or try and fix it. What happens between and man and a woman is between them. You can't reason with a person in love and what good is it to blame them afterwards? If Sandra even reads articles such as this, I doubt they're helping her much. She's her own person and will get over this and learn from it in her way--as we all do. I don't blame Michelle, either. She's just a young gal who followed her bliss to see where it would lead and we've all done that, too, often blindly.

By terry spears

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Get over it. Stay together.

By MacD

Jessie , has lost the best thing that ever walked into his life, pretending to HAVE HER BACK , in the mean time out playing around. No excuse. He deserves anything that Sandra can dish out . Also does not deserve custody of his children. You could see the love her Sandra’s eyes when she spoke of him, she would gush like a school girl. Maybe some day Jessie will realize what he lost, something money cannot buy. But true love from the heart. What a jerk,….and regarding that TRASH the he ruined a good thing with , bet she has lots of riding infections to say the least .

By Fran

The Late, wonderful Ann Landers had this advise even after her own sad Divorce: Ask yourself if your life is better with them or without them, keeping in mind that sometimes giant mistakes are made. From my own view, it would take time but once is forgivable, twice is a habit & out the door they go.

By liz

They are both to blame. Its obvious this ho was trying to get a name for herself & the only way she was going to do that was to sleep with someone famous. Yes, its more Jesse's fault, but she is not blameless. She knew he was married, duh! Why is it that when a man cheats - its always with a woman who is ugly? You screwed up Jesse & I hope Sandra leaves & finds someone who truly deserves her. I know I couldn't be with my husband after he's been with a disgusting ho like that!

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