Five Infidelity Victims Offer Advice for Sandra Bullock

By The Pop Chorus Posted Mar 22nd 2010 04:30PM

With news of Jesse James cheating on wife Sandra Bullock with Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, we turned to our ever-growing Pop Chorus for their own tales of infidelity and to seek out advice for the recent Best Actress Oscar winner.

After the jump, five betrayed women share their stories and suggest different lines of action for Sandra Bullock.

It's Never Really About the Cheating by Kori Burnham
I've been both cheater and cheated upon, and each role is gut-wrenching for distinct and separate reasons. The first time a boyfriend cheated on me, I was a freshman in college. I thought my world was ending ... that I would die of some sort of 'Sex and the City' and ice cream-induced coma. Six years later, I'm still alive, kicking and laughing about it. I would be remiss to pretend my experience as an eighteen-year-old is the same as that of a married woman who finds out her husband has been unfaithful, but I do believe there are fundamental truths about cheating that are relevant regardless of age, experience and situation.

The times I've been cheated on, and alternatively, the times I've cheated, have often signified something much larger. Every incident occurred because there was something profoundly wrong with the relationship. Usually, it was something both partners had contributed to. Occasionally, it was because one of us didn't have the courage to speak up about how they really felt. Regardless, it was never about the cheating, per se, or the fact that someone else was so attractive we couldn't contain ourselves. It had more to do with insecurity, dishonesty, anger and resentment. Frankly, these things all could have been fixed or dealt with in a productive manner, but immaturity and emotional outbursts got in the way.

Look, Sandy -- my point is, this totally sucks. A lot. (Especially having seen the pictures of your husband's alleged mistress -- you're so much prettier than her.) Honestly, something's wrong in your marriage. It might not be your fault; in fact, it might not even have anything to do with you at all, but it's there, and it just exploded in your face. Either you can choose to work on it, or you can choose to leave your husband. Just know this -- if you can't ever forgive him, don't stay with him. It will break both of your hearts all over again, and you deserve better.

Sometimes a Second Chance is Worth It by TiAta Rogers
My husband and I have been together almost eight years. Several years ago, we had five kids between us and I was pregnant. My husband was working long hours, and I was always home with the kids. As my husband's "hours" got longer and longer, he was leaving before the kids got up for school and coming home long after everyone was in bed.

I never thought it would come down to what it did: My husband walked out on me for another woman, someone he had met through a friend. Did I consider her to be a downgrade? Absolutely. My husband was not the first, nor the last, married man she had an affair with.

I thought seriously about divorce, but I did love him. I know that sounds stupid, but feelings aren't something that can just be turned on and off. I finally began getting my head straight. I was going out with friends and life was carrying on. He wanted to come home, and I took him. I'm not ashamed to admit it -- I loved him and wanted to make it work. Trust is still a struggle; I won't sit here and say that I trust him completely, because I don't. But I'm trying, and it gets better every day. Do I believe that he regrets what happened? Absolutely. Would he take it back if he could? No doubt. He tore out the very foundation of our relationship and the entire structure fell. But we picked up the pieces and put it back together.

If Sandra has no room for reconciling, then good for her. She can move on. She'll find someone else. But if she feels he is her heart and they want to work it out, they should get counseling. My husband and I learned that I had to talk about it, that I had questions that needed answered. I needed reassurance, and communication is key to making it work. Trust is fragile and if Sandra and Jesse decide to work it out, he needs to do whatever it takes to begin to build the trust back. It is a long process. No matter what, Sandra has to remind herself that she is beautiful and intelligent and talented. She's a catch for any man. In my darkest hours, I reminded myself that even if he didn't love and respect me, lots of people did, and I was never alone. No one is ever truly alone.

Being Cheated on Can Turn Out to Be a Big Win... Eventually by Nikki Dowling
We'd been together for three years, and he was, supposedly, madly in love with me. He told me he'd never leave, that he wanted to get married and have kids. He claimed he couldn't even look at other women. One day, stopping by his house, I climbed the stairs to his loft and peeked into his bedroom. He bolted upright in his bed and started yelling at me about knocking before coming in and showing respect.

That's when I saw it. Someone groaned and rolled over. I saw a long, pale arm and a head full of blond hair. I'd always thought that if I caught my boyfriend cheating, I'd make a big, violent scene. But it turns out, my shock worked in my favor. I kept it classy, left without a word and conveyed how hurt I was without hurting anyone else. My reaction -- or lack thereof -- really made him wonder what I was thinking. He tried to explain, but I refused to hear it. I made it clear that we were over.

Despite the fact that he and I have been broken up for years, he still calls. My friends tell me he dates women who look like me. When we do talk, he tells me he loves me before hanging up, despite the fact that he and his current girlfriend just had twins. So despite the fact that I've been cheated on, I really feel like I got the better deal. For him, I'll always be the one that got away -- the girl he was totally in love with but couldn't stay faithful to. I'm glad I caught him cheating because, if I hadn't, I might still be with an unfaithful man. In the end, I won.

Better Luck Next Time, Jesse by Carole Schnell
In college, I went away for a weekend to Myrtle Beach. When I returned, the guy I'd dated for two years had gotten married. Actually married! At his first opportunity, he came to see me and let me know he had made a mistake, would be getting a divorce immediately and had realized how much he was actually in love with me. I was young and stupid and believed him. Now, I was in the position -- at the age of 20 -- to have an affair. I thought I was in love with him; I wanted his story to be true. So I did continue to see him for about two months.

No matter how shocking that was, looking back, I am so glad he did marry that girl and not me. I went on with my life. A year passed ... I was out of school now and living in New York. One morning on my way to work, my phone rang -- he was in New York and wanted to see me. He had left this poor girl and thought he could surprise me with his good news. I was in a relationship with a man who would later become my husband. I thanked the old flame for the call, but told him that frankly it was too late to matter.

He pleaded and said all the things that, years before, I would have loved to hear. But love is funny -- like a piece of exquisite crystal, beautiful and sparkling, but also fragile. If you break it, the glue lines always show. What is now broken can never be the same again. I married a guy who hasn't worried me once about infidelity. He is my best friend. We raised kids, went through hardships and made a great life for ourselves.

I hope Sandra Bullock finds someone that deserves that wonderful speech she gave at the Oscars. I hope Jesse James realizes what he broke, and that the next time he gets a bit of good crystal, he better take care of it.

The Greatest Revenge by Cindy Pierce
My husband of 13 years cheated on me. He dated a co-worker for several years before I discovered the situation. Is this other woman beneath me? Of course she is -- she dates married men.

The greatest advice I can give a person who has been cheated on is to have patience, not toward the cheater, but with yourself. The hurt feelings and anger when discovering the breach will certainly cloud your view at first, so take it easy and understand your emotions will be foggy for a while.

I trusted that my spouse would be true to me, especially since I was filling all the appropriate shoes in the marriage -- wife, equal breadwinner, best friend. Basically, I did the right thing, the honorable thing, the loving thing. My husband did not. Unfortunately, some people never learn the value of loyalty -- and those folks are best not in the role of spouse. Lesson learned: Sometimes you do all the right things and life still doesn't treat you fairly.

Five years after getting out of what I now know was a very unhealthy situation, I have no regrets for leaving that life behind. The fog has lifted and I see clearly now. I have no regrets about my behavior and actions. No regrets for having expected loyalty. And best of all, I didn't allow my spouse's lack of character to become my problem. The greatest revenge is to live a good life.

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Tags: affair, jesse james, Michelle mcgee, sandra bullock, the pop chorus

Comments

(319)

Friday 26 March

By OhMan!

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It's been said that every man needs 3 women rolled into one: A Wife, a Mistress, and a Whore. I guess Sandy was only the first two, and it's clear who the last one was!

By Sandrawho?

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Lets all forget that Sandra Bullock is an ex porn star and has been known to break up a few marriages herself. THe no talented actress gets one decent role and does it without being totally ignorant as most of her roles go everyone starts saying how great she is. THe fact that anyone considers her a good actress just proves how poor the choices are out there to pick from. I personally think she should go back to porn where she did her best acting. Now,,how many ex pornstars has Jessie married? I think she makes number 3.

By randy kirk

for one im a man and have been married for 30 years to the same womaan and are happy my take is if Jessie did wrong who am i to say where is the evadince two if he did it his and Sandrs's buisness three i people in the news media you need to report stuff that has nothing to do with a persons personal life all you care about is the fact that this is a movie stars status ansd the james's know its all media hype so saying if Jessie was bad let Sandra take the course she needs to take she a bright and smart and great actress so good luck MR.&Mrs James PS shame on all the medis reporting crap like this it none of our business PERIOD!!

By Jesse M James

Thats it jump on the band wagon and point the finger on my coousin , How do you know everything that is being said is in fact true ? cheating is cheating ,but everyone makes mistakes,
I'm sure not your perfect . He never claimed to be either !!!
my cousin is just as human as the rest of you that bad mouth him .
I side with my cousin jesse and stand beside him 100% and those of you that don't like him leave him alone . Fame is whats is fueling this into what it is .
If he was not who he is you wouldn't even know he cheated to begin with .

By shane

give me a brake people. he's a bad ass, a biker, hosts MONSTER garage, and has a tatoo that says "pay up" on his palm. did anyone really think she calmed him down. sometimes images aren't what they apear, but take his history, his image, and lifestyle, of course this is expected. get on with it

By CIndy

I am 43 years old and in my years of experience with men the one thing I have learned is a cheater is a cheater is a cheater. The only thing Sandra did wrong was marrie a cheater which she didn't know about. Shame on Jessie James to have cheated on the all american beautiful Sandra Bullock with that creppy Michelle McGee. Cheating says a lot about ones character. I have personally had reason and opportunity to cheat on a few men but would never have done it because I am a faithful, honest person. Furthermore, the men who have cheated on me have also cheated on everyone they have ever been in a relationship with. This says a lot about them, NO GOOD PIECES OF CRAP!!! I only hope Jessie James gets what he deserves. My prayers are with Sandra Bullock as she finds her way through these bad days. Be strong Sandy.

By T

Let's go over the clues to a cheating husband. 1. His name, Jessie James LOL. 2. Several (as in plural) ex wives. 3. Married to porn star(s). 4. His interest in dating porn stars. 5. His history of cheating on his wives.
What I don't get is why women are drawn to him. He isn't attractive.

By arfito

It might take two to tangle but I do blame the homewreckers, I cannot call people like that ladies. What is wrong with the world today that a woman cannot tell a man who is married "NO"? That amoral creature with the body mutilations ought to just shut the heck up. Sandra honey move on. Time heals everything. The children will some day tell you with utter ungratefulness "You are not my mom". Pick up your pieces, adopt if you want a kid, and get someone nice. There are plenty of men right now wishing you even gave them a look.

By PAULA

Once a cheater; always a cheater. Kick him to the curb and move on. Been there, done that!

By grady hooper

It takes two. Never heard of a man being called s HOME WRECKER.

By Lisa

Yes, why are guys never called homewreckers? Why is it always women?

By Jerry

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As a guy, I would just like to say that there is a pattern with these cheaters. Men and Women know exactly how to "key into" an the other person's emotions inorder to "get what they want". Women especially hear the flowery words and buy what a guy has to say "Hook, Line and Sinker". I find most people make the same mistake time after time (Christie Brinkley is just one case in point....there are others). Women, during a courtship do not hold men's feet to the fire to find out what the guy is really made of and visa-versa. Men and Women talk about nonsense and not substance.....in a way, they get what they deserve. I have found that very many times men will cheat on women with a woman who is not as objectively attractive as their wife. This is very, very interesting. Tatoos are for savages....anyone with a Tatoo tells one immediately where that person's mind is at....and it is not good. One never really knows what happens between two people in the bedroom or in the deepest recesses of one's mind but there are ways to get some general idea.
This movie "The Notebook" seems to be liked by a lot of women....I know, I've asked many women. This is a mediocre movie for "needy women". Movies which explain things which transpire between men and women much better are: "The Misfits"....with Marylin Monroe and Clark Gable. "Lord Jim" with Peter O'Toole and "The African Queen" with Humphrey Bogart and katherine Hepburn.....there are others, most of which are forgotten now. These three movies will give men and women a better Idea about what Love, Life and Keeping One's Word is all about. Hey, but all you men and woman have "all the answers" so forget stories that could shed some light on these concepts and just continue with the same nonsense you watch today. "Monkey see, Monkey do".

By Bob

Firstly what is wrong with Sandra Bullock in the first place? When these two hitched up I thought she was totally off her nut!
James was and is a sleeze of the very first order and it just took a little time for that to re-surface.
But instead of blaming him take a harder look at Sandra. He was just being himself. What the He** was she thinking in the first place????

By CB

i APPLAUD SANDRA FOR REMOVING HERSELF FROM HIM AND THE LIMELIGHT. SHE NEEDS TIME TO HEAL. CHEATING AS FAR AS i AM CONCERNED IS UNACCEPTABLE, FOR ANY REASON. SOMETIMES IT MEANS THERE'S A PROBLEM IN THE RELATIONSHIP THAT CAUSES THE OTHER PARTNER TO CHEAT, AND SOMETIMES IT'S JUST THAT THEY ARE CHEATERS AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE OTHER PERSON. NO MATTER WHAT THE REASON THERE IS NO POINT IN CONTINUING A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO IS NOT LOYAL AS YOU CAN NOT TRUST THEM. YOU NEED TRUST IN ANY RELATIONSHIP AND HAVING SOMEONE BETRAY THAT TRUST IS DEVASTATING. SAYING SORRY DOES NOT CUT IT, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU WOULD DO THAT BY ACCIDENT. ITS NOT AN OOPS TYPE OFFENSE, IT'S A DECISION AND A CHOICE. I KNOW IT MAKES SENSE TO THE BLAME THE OTHER PARTY THAT CONTRIBUTED TO THE AFFAIR BUT THE FACT IS THERE IS NO ONE TO BLAME BUT THE PERSON WHO MADE THE CHOICE TO CHEAT NO MATTER WHAT THE TEMPTATION WAS. YES THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT DON'T CARE WHETHER A PERSON IS MARRIED OR THAT THEY ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP. THAT IS SAD BECAUSE THEY GIVE IT NO THOUGHT AND THEY DON'T PUT THEMSELVES IN THE OTHER PERSON'S SHOES, THEY DON'T THINK IT'S A WRONG, QUITE FRANKLY THEY DON'T CARE AND I HAVE ISSUE WITH THAT BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT GOOD PEOPLE, BUT I DON'T THINK YOU CAN SAY IT'S THEM, IT'S ALL THEIR FAULT. SOME MAY EVEN JUST GET INVOLVED WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING THE TRUTH AND THEN FIND OUT LATER. BUT NO MATTER WHAT THE PERSON IN THE RELATIONSHIP IS AT FAULT, THEY ARE PERSON RESPONSIBLE AND THEY ARE TO BLAME SINCE THEY MADE THE CHOICE. IF THEY CHOOSE CHEATING THAN THEY CHOOSE CHEATING. MY MESSAGE IF YOU WANT TO CHEAT GET OUT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP, OR WORK ON IT IF YOU LOVE THE PERSON YOUR WITH BEFORE YOU CHEAT. WORK ON WHAT THE ISSUES ARE, I DON'T KNOW SANDRA B PERSONALLY BUT SHE APPEARS TO BE A DOLL, SHE IS BEAUTIFUL AND DOWN TO EARTH AND I'VE SEEN HER WITH HIS CHILDREN, SHE UNDOUBTEDLY LOVED HIM VERY MUCH AND THIS HAS TO BE VERY HARD FOR HER. SHE DESERVES BETTER.

It takes two. I believe a HOME WRECKER is female.

By David

She knew EXACTLY what she was getting into when she married him. Some women are turned on by that bad boy attitude...and this is the thing that usually happens. She is not blameless in this affair AT ALL. You get what you settle for. No sympathy here.

By kmccaw6853

I have been a cheater and cheated on. People who cheat to the extent as Jesse did do it because they love,and respect their spouse too much to expose their sexual desires when it is as sick and twisted as i can only assume that his is.they feel like it would be degrading their spouse. so they seek out someone they essentialy have no true feelings for purely lust, no real attachment. As to seeing the same person over and over you feel like its not as bad if its only one person. Jesse is just ashamed of his dark sexual side and doesn't want Sandra the one he loves the most to see him for who he really is. affraid of losing her. Talk to the ones you love trust me they have a dark side too! You might like what you find out.

By Mike

It's very simple really.......men cheat because they want sex, and not just any sex but NEW sex. Just like women want NEW shoes, or a new purse. It doesn't matter how pretty or useful that pair of shoes or purse is, you just have to have new ones.

Same thing for men, only it's sex.

By Ejaye61

When Sandra said "that" at the Academy Awards referring to her husband Jesse, I knew then something was wrong. She IS a great actor!

By Bobby

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I agree, Sandra is a total class act. Seems to me that you really messed up fool. I dont think you deserve this Lovely lady so go back into your garage, dial 555-babe and do your thing. I hope she drops you like the piece of trash you are.

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