Five Infidelity Victims Offer Advice for Sandra Bullock

By The Pop Chorus Posted Mar 22nd 2010 04:30PM

With news of Jesse James cheating on wife Sandra Bullock with Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, we turned to our ever-growing Pop Chorus for their own tales of infidelity and to seek out advice for the recent Best Actress Oscar winner.

After the jump, five betrayed women share their stories and suggest different lines of action for Sandra Bullock.

It's Never Really About the Cheating by Kori Burnham
I've been both cheater and cheated upon, and each role is gut-wrenching for distinct and separate reasons. The first time a boyfriend cheated on me, I was a freshman in college. I thought my world was ending ... that I would die of some sort of 'Sex and the City' and ice cream-induced coma. Six years later, I'm still alive, kicking and laughing about it. I would be remiss to pretend my experience as an eighteen-year-old is the same as that of a married woman who finds out her husband has been unfaithful, but I do believe there are fundamental truths about cheating that are relevant regardless of age, experience and situation.

The times I've been cheated on, and alternatively, the times I've cheated, have often signified something much larger. Every incident occurred because there was something profoundly wrong with the relationship. Usually, it was something both partners had contributed to. Occasionally, it was because one of us didn't have the courage to speak up about how they really felt. Regardless, it was never about the cheating, per se, or the fact that someone else was so attractive we couldn't contain ourselves. It had more to do with insecurity, dishonesty, anger and resentment. Frankly, these things all could have been fixed or dealt with in a productive manner, but immaturity and emotional outbursts got in the way.

Look, Sandy -- my point is, this totally sucks. A lot. (Especially having seen the pictures of your husband's alleged mistress -- you're so much prettier than her.) Honestly, something's wrong in your marriage. It might not be your fault; in fact, it might not even have anything to do with you at all, but it's there, and it just exploded in your face. Either you can choose to work on it, or you can choose to leave your husband. Just know this -- if you can't ever forgive him, don't stay with him. It will break both of your hearts all over again, and you deserve better.

Sometimes a Second Chance is Worth It by TiAta Rogers
My husband and I have been together almost eight years. Several years ago, we had five kids between us and I was pregnant. My husband was working long hours, and I was always home with the kids. As my husband's "hours" got longer and longer, he was leaving before the kids got up for school and coming home long after everyone was in bed.

I never thought it would come down to what it did: My husband walked out on me for another woman, someone he had met through a friend. Did I consider her to be a downgrade? Absolutely. My husband was not the first, nor the last, married man she had an affair with.

I thought seriously about divorce, but I did love him. I know that sounds stupid, but feelings aren't something that can just be turned on and off. I finally began getting my head straight. I was going out with friends and life was carrying on. He wanted to come home, and I took him. I'm not ashamed to admit it -- I loved him and wanted to make it work. Trust is still a struggle; I won't sit here and say that I trust him completely, because I don't. But I'm trying, and it gets better every day. Do I believe that he regrets what happened? Absolutely. Would he take it back if he could? No doubt. He tore out the very foundation of our relationship and the entire structure fell. But we picked up the pieces and put it back together.

If Sandra has no room for reconciling, then good for her. She can move on. She'll find someone else. But if she feels he is her heart and they want to work it out, they should get counseling. My husband and I learned that I had to talk about it, that I had questions that needed answered. I needed reassurance, and communication is key to making it work. Trust is fragile and if Sandra and Jesse decide to work it out, he needs to do whatever it takes to begin to build the trust back. It is a long process. No matter what, Sandra has to remind herself that she is beautiful and intelligent and talented. She's a catch for any man. In my darkest hours, I reminded myself that even if he didn't love and respect me, lots of people did, and I was never alone. No one is ever truly alone.

Being Cheated on Can Turn Out to Be a Big Win... Eventually by Nikki Dowling
We'd been together for three years, and he was, supposedly, madly in love with me. He told me he'd never leave, that he wanted to get married and have kids. He claimed he couldn't even look at other women. One day, stopping by his house, I climbed the stairs to his loft and peeked into his bedroom. He bolted upright in his bed and started yelling at me about knocking before coming in and showing respect.

That's when I saw it. Someone groaned and rolled over. I saw a long, pale arm and a head full of blond hair. I'd always thought that if I caught my boyfriend cheating, I'd make a big, violent scene. But it turns out, my shock worked in my favor. I kept it classy, left without a word and conveyed how hurt I was without hurting anyone else. My reaction -- or lack thereof -- really made him wonder what I was thinking. He tried to explain, but I refused to hear it. I made it clear that we were over.

Despite the fact that he and I have been broken up for years, he still calls. My friends tell me he dates women who look like me. When we do talk, he tells me he loves me before hanging up, despite the fact that he and his current girlfriend just had twins. So despite the fact that I've been cheated on, I really feel like I got the better deal. For him, I'll always be the one that got away -- the girl he was totally in love with but couldn't stay faithful to. I'm glad I caught him cheating because, if I hadn't, I might still be with an unfaithful man. In the end, I won.

Better Luck Next Time, Jesse by Carole Schnell
In college, I went away for a weekend to Myrtle Beach. When I returned, the guy I'd dated for two years had gotten married. Actually married! At his first opportunity, he came to see me and let me know he had made a mistake, would be getting a divorce immediately and had realized how much he was actually in love with me. I was young and stupid and believed him. Now, I was in the position -- at the age of 20 -- to have an affair. I thought I was in love with him; I wanted his story to be true. So I did continue to see him for about two months.

No matter how shocking that was, looking back, I am so glad he did marry that girl and not me. I went on with my life. A year passed ... I was out of school now and living in New York. One morning on my way to work, my phone rang -- he was in New York and wanted to see me. He had left this poor girl and thought he could surprise me with his good news. I was in a relationship with a man who would later become my husband. I thanked the old flame for the call, but told him that frankly it was too late to matter.

He pleaded and said all the things that, years before, I would have loved to hear. But love is funny -- like a piece of exquisite crystal, beautiful and sparkling, but also fragile. If you break it, the glue lines always show. What is now broken can never be the same again. I married a guy who hasn't worried me once about infidelity. He is my best friend. We raised kids, went through hardships and made a great life for ourselves.

I hope Sandra Bullock finds someone that deserves that wonderful speech she gave at the Oscars. I hope Jesse James realizes what he broke, and that the next time he gets a bit of good crystal, he better take care of it.

The Greatest Revenge by Cindy Pierce
My husband of 13 years cheated on me. He dated a co-worker for several years before I discovered the situation. Is this other woman beneath me? Of course she is -- she dates married men.

The greatest advice I can give a person who has been cheated on is to have patience, not toward the cheater, but with yourself. The hurt feelings and anger when discovering the breach will certainly cloud your view at first, so take it easy and understand your emotions will be foggy for a while.

I trusted that my spouse would be true to me, especially since I was filling all the appropriate shoes in the marriage -- wife, equal breadwinner, best friend. Basically, I did the right thing, the honorable thing, the loving thing. My husband did not. Unfortunately, some people never learn the value of loyalty -- and those folks are best not in the role of spouse. Lesson learned: Sometimes you do all the right things and life still doesn't treat you fairly.

Five years after getting out of what I now know was a very unhealthy situation, I have no regrets for leaving that life behind. The fog has lifted and I see clearly now. I have no regrets about my behavior and actions. No regrets for having expected loyalty. And best of all, I didn't allow my spouse's lack of character to become my problem. The greatest revenge is to live a good life.

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Tags: affair, jesse james, Michelle mcgee, sandra bullock, the pop chorus

Comments

(319)

Friday 26 March

By grady hooper

Vote down Vote up Report this

It takes two. Never heard of a man being called a HOME WRECKER. Why don't the women stop having sex with married men.

By Georgi Anne

I too have been on both sides of the fence. A man I dated for months told me that he was divorced. I had no reason to doubt this. I found out that he was married and dropped him and got a small bit of revenge all in one. I never would have dated him had I known.
I have had a husband who cheated on my with my 'best friend'. I will grant you that we HAD discussed divorce but that was all. I still have to see this man because he is father of my kids and now a grandfather. My revenge is watching and listening to his relationship with his present wife. He is the same dishonest SOB he always was and she is a shrew. They deserve each other. Sandra is a real class act and should never be reduced to watching this behavior from her man. The women he cheated with knew he was married, they wanted their 15 minutes of fame. The tatooed one looks like a real piece of trash and no reason for Sandra to harbor any jealousy.
Leave him, hold your head high and be the better person as you walk away.You are one very classy lady and deserve nothing and no one but the best. 'That which does not kill us, only serves to make us stronger'.

By Chuck

Jesse.what a Jerk he is, any decent man would love her.

By Helen C

Love you Sandra. Whatever is in your future whether with Jesse or not (and that has to be our decision not anyone else's), please get counseling, you have gone thru a horrible situation and I feel you are a strong woman and will survive.

By bubblyblonde174

I just cant believe he cheated on her. He went from a classy girl to a trashy girl. There is nothing at all attractive about hundreds of tattoos

By jz

Jesse James' cheating is all about him-who he is and is not. He has shown with his behavior the low level of thinking that is his. He will not change. He showed Sandra Bullock another side of him, the loving and supportive side, which no doubt exists as well. He hid his cheating side from her, but it is real and will always be part of him. I believe he does love and care about Ms Bullock, but just as real and constant is his tendency to be disingenuous and live a double life. O and by the way, Jesse's cheating has nothing to do with Sandra, it is not personal, it is not against her, it is despite her. It is all about him.

By Beeg

"Cousin" of Jesse, you're right, people do make mistakes BUT an 11 month one?? If it were a one-timer, that's a mistake but not on-going as stated. James & Bullock know what's going on and it apparently it is true or she wouldn't be taken action. Are you having an on-going affair with someone ... you sound guilty too. It must be in the genes.

By Jan

When I first saw Jesse on his television show, my first impression of him was that he was a total jerk. I was so surprised when I heard that Sandra was going to marry him. I couldn't figure out what she saw in him. Turns out my instincts were right. I hope Jesse realizes what he lost and has to live with it for a long time. By the way, my husband is a biker and he is a wonderful man. Being a biker has nothing to do with infidelity.

By Suzanne

DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME AS I HAVE POSTED MY COPMMECT 3 TIMES AND THE IDIOTS RUNNING THIS CIRCUS SAY THEY ARE SENDING THE CONFIRMATION LINK AND OVER ANHOUR AGO AND HAVE NOT SEEN IT YET. I MADE SOME EXCELLENT POINTS AND KEPT IT VERY CLASSY!!! I HATE LIARS - PPL RUUNING THIS CIRCUS MUST BE TIGER WOODS CADDY AND MICHELLE THE BOMBSHELLS MOTHER - GEEEEEEEEEEEEZ

By Pooh27361

When a woman gets into a relationship with a married man, she is wrong no matter what he tells her. As long as he is legally married, a relationship is adultery so both are equally blamable. I hate all this for Sandra, she thought she was in a secure and loving relationship; but she will survive. She is a strong woman and will receive all the moral support she needs from those around her. Right now is a hard time because it's so new and so in the media but a week or a month from now, someone else's story will be front page news and she can go on with the business of getting her life back. I really feel sorry for Jesse's little girl. As others have mentioned, Sandra was/is the only stabilizing influence she had in her life. Maybe Sandra should file the necessary papers to try to get custody of the little girl herself.

By been there

I agree 100%!!!

By cdicam

Sandra you are a better person and will get through this, you have your family, friends and all your fans and you will move forward and be in a happier place. God Bless You. Here is my story: Last year my husband became a father again his mistress had a baby girl. At the time I found out she was pregnant I called her and confronted her she said he told her we were divorced for 3 1/2 years when she started dating him. Of course this was a lie the divorce is now pending. As soon as I found out the pregnancy I served him with divorce papers. After find this out and talking to family member I found out he had been having affairs througout our marriage we were married 24 years October 2009. I have two grown sons with him and they reside with me they are my saving grace wonderful young men and hate what their father did to us. We are struggling because we are only middle class people and I recently lost my job and my sons are in college, but we take one day at a time. I don't think you ever get over what has been done to you, but I have told my sons that they should be in their new half sisters life because she is also part of them. They have met the mistress and do see the baby. You can't blame an innocent little child she is beautiful and I wish her the best in life. I for some reason don't hold any hostility toward the mistress because he lied to her, I sometimes question why she didn't check further especially when he kept her from his family and she told me she wanted to meet his parents and he sons and he always gave her excuses this would have made me very suspicious. He is a 53 year old jerk and the mistress is not with him so he doesn't get to bring up his new daughter thank God, because he really wasn't around much to bring up his two sons, I did it all. I worked a night job for 15 years from the time they were little so I could do all the school functions with them and that is the thanks I got. Sandra you are a better person and will get through this, you have your family, friends and all your fans and you will move forward and be in a happier place. God Bless You.

By Greg

Poor Sandra......she married a bad boy that had a baby with a porn star. What the hell was she thinking?

What I don't understand is what Sandra Bullock saw in Jesse in the first place. She is hot and he is a pretty ugly looking dude. And looking at his skanky ex porn wife and fugly and freaky looking tattoo girl friends, he must have thought he hit the jackpot when he got someone with class like Sandra. Ofcourse, that won't last now. Ha!

To each his own and we all have different tastes. But I want to post for the 5th time and they are not posting it for some reason that my husband (ex) and he never looked back departed our humble abode the night I told him I was expecting our 3rd child. His reply - "I have not been happy for sometime and 3 is too many." I had seen red flags as to his cheating behaviour but sahose to ignore as I loved him But he did have a girl at work and was seeing her after work. He even told her we were no longer sleeping together. We had 2 precious boys - age 4 and not quite 2 and I did not work as stayed at home with the babies. We were married 9 years before I had the first. He left that night and never looked back. I cried, begged, acted like a fool, was humiliated, got low self esteem but thru thr grace of God I did get thru it. ANd yes - HINDSIGHT IS BETTER THAN FORESIGHT. I wish I had had the courage to say "Good Riddance and don't let the door hit you in the _ _ _!!" But being afraid, scared, not wanting my children to grow up in a broken home and the ridiculous idea we could work thing out made me do things I wish I had not. I trieds to remain a lady but when you initially hurt, humiliated scared, mad, angry and your entire world is blown apart, it is not out of the ordinary to think abnormally and not rationally which I did not. Now that the dust has seyyeled some 20 yrs later, I realize thei co worker with the class of a wet mop was so much more his type. We were married 9 yrs before we had the first. I could not take the pill so why did he not sneak off and get a vasectomy? I wish I would have done some things differently but at the time I did the best I could with this class act calling me and saying the baby was not his as he told her he was not sleeping with me and she even called me in the hospital when Ihad the baby girl. We lived inthe same small town - never a phone call, birthday card - Christmas card - nothing!! And of course it was alwasy my fault. I did get good child support by getting family court to garnish his wages but he resented every dime as he loves his money. The 2nd baby boy was 18 on Seot 21 and he went shashaying over to family court and served me with papers to drop this child and only pay 22 days for himi n Sept and the baby girl the 30 days of Sept. It was denied but he would have save a whopping 20 to 20 bucks. I could not believe it and this was one of many dumb things he did to "revamp family court." It took sometime before the dust settled and I realized I was so much better without this selfish - self centered "boy." The kids turned out fine and I am glad that I donot see any of his qualities in them. They were truly a blessing from God and I just want to saygood luck and Godspeed to anyone going thruit. But you do not think rationally when you are hit upside the head with something like this. It takes a long time to "get it together" but a leopard DOES NOT CHANGE ITS' SPOTS_ Have a blessed day and Give everyone space going thru this!!

By Gitanjali

First: Sandra B. Do NOT marry a man who was married to a PORN STAR. Tells you about his character.
Second: LEAVE tatooed man for tatooed women. They are happy with each other.
Third: Jesse was using Sandra for custody of his daughter.

Saturday 27 March

By Ron

Sandra has a hard decision...its not fair to her to even have to make...I cheated on my wife it was kind of a progressive thing...just talking....flirting..and finally one day crossing the line I swore I never would cross...we had been in counseling for many years....but it was my pride that kept me from telling the horrible truth....many guys said never tell....I had to...I am getting divorced...my wife met a guy she truley deserves...I have paid the untimate price and I deserve that. I at 51 finally feel the torn hurt my selfish stupid idiotic behavior caused.and my wife felt..We thank God are still civil and I have agreed to all terms of divorce which are more then what I think I deserve..Each time I hear of one of these guys like Tiger...it makes me sick that I too am one of something like I said I'd never be. The hurt I feel now hurts even more to see my ex sooooo happy I am happy for her I just wish I could take it all back. Like someone above said soooo perfectly.love is like crystal beautiful yet fragile if broken can be put back but the glue in the cracks always show....I knew my marriage was over because I myself would not be able to face all the cracks and glue...and trust..once thats broken as far as I feel..it can never be put back...never. Its no wonder even in the Bible adultery is the only allowable reason for divorce...I just thank God we had no children..I cant even imagine the horror of that situation. Advice to anyone considering affairs...don't do it...if this person is worth more then the time invested love of your life ..then be a real man and leave your wife first.

By sunny

This guy is an idiot and it is apparent what part of his body he's been thinking with...
Let's see.
Sandra Bullock: Gorgeous, talented, rich, Oscar winner, smart, beautiful
Tattoo "model". Yeah right.
Sandra Bullock deserves better than him.

By aroldfut

It appears that Jesse prefers the 'excitement' of women most mothers would hate for their sons to bring home. All he can do now is apologize to Sandra and walk away. Sandra is a class act and deserves better than him. If he has ANY class and respect for her he will NEVER hit the talk show circuit or sell his story to the media. If he does, he will just confirm the suspicions that he is simply a 'low-life'.

Tuesday 30 March

By michael

I'm 10 years removed from playing the field. For a good 20+ years of my life most of the sex I had was with married or engaged women. I NEVER sought them out, they'd ask me to leave [club scene, supermarket, anywhere]. When "it" was done, only then would I find out they were married, engaged, etc.
So LADIES it works both ways...

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