Patrick Swayze's Widow Opens Up About His Alcoholism, Her Grief

By Zach Dionne Posted Apr 9th 2010 11:00AM

Patrick Swayze's Widow Speaks About His Alcoholism, Her Grief

Almost seven months after Patrick Swayze's death, Lisa Niemi, his widow and co-writer of the marriage-centric autobiography 'The Time of My Life,' spoke to the UK's Times Online, detailing her life with the 'Dirty Dancing' star and her difficult grieving process. The interview is a unique opportunity to hear such an in-depth testimony from Niemi -- though she and Swayze penned the retrospective book together, her voice is rarely heard in its pages.

Perhaps the most compelling portion is Niemi's singular perspective on Swayze's battle with the bottle. "For me, the worst thing about him was the drinking. He had a different personality when he drank that much. He was the nicest man on the planet unless he'd had a drink," she says. "People or animals could have got hurt when he was like that. It's very, very painful to see someone you love destroy himself."

Below, Niemi discusses preparations for Swayze's death, whether she thinks her beau ever strayed and how her grief feels.

The worst of the drinking came in 2006: "I felt like I didn't have a husband. At the beginning of Al-Anon meetings [for families and loved ones of alcoholics] they say something about sharing the feeling of being unwanted, unloved and alone. That's how I felt. In the early days I encouraged him to seek help, but a big point of Al-Anon is you have to take care of your own life. Trying to change him was a losing battle."

After Swayze's drinking forced Niemi to leave, they talked on the phone every day: "I hoped it wasn't over. But it was not going to work out if something didn't change. It was tough being with somebody in that much pain, distress and insanity, along with the massive quantities of alcohol that takes everything in its path, sucking it down this black hole. I'd gone through bad times before. But this time he was going completely down and I didn't want to go down with him."

She's confident the heartthrob never cheated: "He was trustworthy and made me feel secure. Now I bet someone will pop up and say, 'I slept with him.' I remember going to a movie set and someone saying, 'All he's been talking about is you.' Some rap singers told him how jealous they were of all the women he must have had, and he said, 'Sorry to disappoint you, that's not my thing.' He was quite a prude. I never saw him as sexy. I remember soon after we married I looked at him and was surprised how good-looking he was. He didn't want to be recognized for something as superficial as being a sex symbol."

They rarely discussed his death: "We were too busy making sure he was going to live. We took only four minutes to discuss the funeral service."

How grief affects her: "Some feelings are extreme, some are a general malaise, sometimes it's like someone has poured gasoline on me and set me on fire. A lady who also lost her husband to pancreatic cancer says that it doesn't get better, just more bearable. I want to repaint some rooms in the house, but can't decide on the paint. It's that kind of lethargy. If I get one thing accomplished in a day, I'm happy."

Loving again isn't out of the question: "I hope I'm not one of those widows who never has another relationship. I would like to have an appetite for life again. This has tested my faith and my belief. Things that once gave me pleasure don't. I've learned that life isn't fair, it doesn't give a s**t, it carries on, or ends, regardless."

The Times Online summarizes 'The Time of My Life' as, "honest, though notable for its occasional omissions or glosses, particularly around the tougher aspects of their marriage, centered on Swayze's drinking. It relates Niemi screaming at one point, that she feels he is 'torturing' her out of the marriage, but doesn't illustrate why. Swayze's drinking and depression deepens (over the deaths of his dad and sister, over his flagging career), and Niemi leaves him. Then a psychic appears, says something seemingly nondescript and suddenly they're back together again."

Tags: Lisa Niemi, Patrick Swayze, The Time of My Life

Comments

(40)

Friday 09 April

By sam

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and here all along i thought patrick was PERFECT!!!!

By rantfreely

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Drinking and smoking were his mistrises.
He was a good guy !

By just me

she should hook up with Liam Neilson

By J

Good choice.

Tuesday 13 April

By Bevkihei

So he was a human being with faults - who is so perfect they can throw the first stone?

Saturday 10 April

By Chester

Well said!!!

By Louise

I can sympathize with Lisa on her loss. I too lost my husband to stomach cancer. He would not discuss death & his wishes until almost the very end. I could not continue living in the same house that we raised our family in, so I sold & moved to a quiet & serene farm house in NM. It was the best decision as I find tranquility in the peacefullness with only birds chirping in the trees.It has brought alot of peace to my heart, although I still miss my husband terribly. Hopefully, Lisa can find peace.

By Clara

That's okay, Mike. I'm sure your woman would have nothing to say.

By Puppie

Why do women of celebrities feel the need to air their dirty
laundry to everyone?
Don't they have girlfriends to confide in or is it just
to make a buck...it's the latter I suspect.
Geez, find a confidant and vent, don't tell the world
how creepy your man was/is, it's no ones business...or
maybe they have'nt heard..

By Willow

What do you find so offensive about people sharing their grief Mike? Or is it that you just like to see your name on a blog?

Get a life little boy!

By BeKa

Why cant big mouth guys know when to shut up.

By Lori

Clara that really was funny but I kind of agree with Mike, why does Lisa need to start babbling about Patrick? Let him rest in peace. He was a talented actor and died a painful horrible death. If this is your way of healing maybe you should think about doing it in a doctor's office instead of with the public pretty soon there will be all kinds of horrible stories written about him and Lisa it will be you that got it all started. She's Like The Wind..............

By Linda

Mike, God forbid they actually express their feelings. Loser, why don't you just shut up since you have nothing constructive to say. I bet you are a real joy to live with..

By Dean

Anything to make a buck.Anything.

By cal fan

The pictures of the two of them are really nice, I'm glad she can speak out about their lives. thanks for sharing

By Diana

Lisa,, hes always with you in heart.
Your never all alone.

By richard nicoletti

Patrick was a good guy ... just not a perfect one, like the rest of us. With his affliction I can say, "There but for the grace of God go I."

By P

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if she never noticed how good looking he was
appointment with lenscrafters?

By Vernie