The Wedding Ring Thing: Is Sandra Bullock's Bare Finger a Big Deal? Readers Tell Us

By The Pop Chorus Posted Apr 20th 2010 04:25PM

In the first clear photograph taken of Sandra Bullock since Jesse James' infidelities were made public, the Oscar winner is seen hiking in Northern California...without her wedding ring. While we have every reason to believe Sandra and Jesse will divorce, nothing is set in stone, and the story got us wondering: Is a missing wedding ring a sure sign of anything, or is it sometimes just not a big deal? We turned to our readers, the Pop Chorus, for their stories and opinions:

Cecelia Haack says: "I am happily married and rarely wear a wedding ring. My husband and I were married by a village mayor in Greenland 20 years ago, at end of a 600-mile sea kayaking expedition. We didn't have rings for the ceremony and felt we were truly lucky to be wearing clean clothes. We believe the health of our marriage isn't represented by a wedding ring but in how we treat each other at the breakfast table."

Read on for more from the Pop Chorus, as well as what you said on Facebook.

Megan McClain says: "I have been married to my high school sweetheart for four-and-a-half years. The only time I've taken off my ring, besides cleanings, was when I was pregnant with our son (I wore it on a necklace then). Not wearing our wedding rings is not a deal-breaker in my relationship, since jewelry is a hazard in my husband's profession. But I wear mine all of the time, and unless there's a genuine reason, not wearing your wedding rings speaks volumes."

Megan Champion says: "The alarm goes off, my husband rouses me out of bed. It's Monday morning, and I have to get our son off to school in an hour. I'm half asleep, stumbling to find the coffee pot and make breakfast. The last thing on my mind? Putting my wedding ring back on. It's safely tucked away in my jewelry box, where I laid it yesterday when I decided to work in the garden. It will more than likely remain there for a few more days before it occurs to me that I'm not wearing it. Hubby thinks nothing of it and neither do I. After all, judging by the last argument over who left a wet towel lying on the bathroom floor, we are still very much married. Who cares if anyone else thinks differently? As our 7-year-old would say, 'It's none of your beeswax.'"

Pat Cooney says: "Mine was a modest, slender circle of gold with small diamonds set across the front. In stormy times, I took it off in defiance. Once, I stashed it in a cookbook and found it months later crusted with bread dough, a bookmark on an afternoon of apparently angry baking. Usually, I put it away for the tenure of my dismay du jour, tucked into a carved box with other precious, painful artifacts. My husband unwittingly threw that box away. This much I know is true: The ring is no less a symbol in its absence."

Janice Forrest says: "In 1994, I married my soul mate. Eight years later, we started our family. That's when I stopped wearing my wedding ring. It wasn't because the marriage was over. It wasn't because we fell out of love. It was simply this: My fingers were swollen during my pregnancy and the ring didn't fit anymore. We now have three lovely children. The swollen fingers continued to plague me beyond my pregnancies, so on most days, I go about my business without a wedding ring. I've come to understand that it's just a shiny piece of metal. The real bond of our marriage is the love we have for each other and our family."

Gail Morales says: "While I would often forget to wear my engagement ring, or I would take it off to do chores so as not to damage the diamonds, my wedding ring never came off unless it needed cleaning. The first time I took off my wedding ring in the eight years I had been married (and it didn't need cleaning...) was a devastating day I will never forget. It was symbolic of the slow demise of my marriage. First, I took off my engagement ring and put it in my jewelry box. Then I put my wedding ring on my right hand and wore it that way for months. Lastly, I took the ring off completely and placed it with my engagement ring. The small, incremental changes I made with the rings mirrored the terrifying demise of a marriage I thought was forever. Yes, taking off your wedding ring matters. A lot."

Here's what you had to say on Facebook:

Gelisa Keekee Longmire says: "My husband and I had a habit of [taking off our rings]. Whenever we would get into arguments, we would be quick to take our rings off. It never meant our marriage was over. Our rings were symbols of the significant other and at the time of an argument, we simply didn't want to be reminded of the other. But we don't do that anymore."

Pam Olivieri Graham says: "I never wear my ring... I haven't worn my ring since 20 years ago when my daughter was born. It is just not that important to me. I can't believe how much people notice though. When my husband and I were out at a bar, we met another couple. They asked us if we were divorced. We both think its weird that it means so much to people whether you have a ring on or not. We are happily married and don't need jewelry to prove to the world that our relationship is good."

Vicki Watrous Zink says: "I always wear my ring. It is very significant to me. I am proud to say I am married and very committed to my husband. He wears his all the time as well. We actually started wearing them a few months before we got married."

Sondra Rankin says: "My parents have been married over 36 years, and my father has NEVER worn a wedding ring. He was a boilermaker/welder and was unable to wear a ring because of his labor. My mom has never minded, and they are as deeply in love today as they were when the met. I don't look at somebody's hand and judge. It means nothing to me."

Watch the Girls on Pop with the boys from ItsTheReal.com talk Sandra sans ring

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Tags: jesse james, marriage, sandra bullock

Comments

(73)

Tuesday 20 April

By Nancy Pals

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It doesn't matter what the ring means to us. It matters to her, if she never removed her ring, then yes it is a big deal. If she hardly ever wore it, then no-it means nothing.

By Lacie

My ring means everything to me, and my husband wore his always except when it came off in his work glove and he thought he lost it. Thankfully it was found weeks later in the pocket of his work jacket. He was VERY upset over it. It said he was proud to wear it. When he suddenly died (at the age of 48) I was amazed how many people have asked me if I was (or when) I would take my ring off. I wear my ring with his ring. I'm still very married to him. While our rings meant everything to us not everyone looks at it the same way .. which is fine. After all we live in the USA and we can or don't wear our rings when and if we want. How people look at wearing their rings (or not) are between those two people. I refused to take mine off for surgery. I had them taped. But if I was in Sandra's place I WOULD take mine off. Those vows had/have been broken. But again, to each their own.

Wednesday 21 April

By Jules

It should never have been on her finger in the first place - it should have been through his nose.

By Stacey

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Well said Jules! :-)

By shawterry6

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I swear thats one ugly woman has a scarf around her neck with a long neck and sun shades looking like she just came out of a crack house.

By Digicat

If it's normal for someone not to ever wear a wedding ring or to wear it only occasionally, then to show up without it means nothing.

If, however, you have worn it every single day since you were married and then show up without it, that is more of a cause for speculation.

By Tracy

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My husband and I have been married for 10 years. I've lost my ring 3 times. He's lost his 2 times. We simply don't wear rings anymore. Does that say anything about our relationship- absolutely NOT! lol. The two have no relation. I know happily married people who've never worn rings...and it's sad to say I've known miserably married spouses who cheat throughout their marriage that always keep that ring on.

By k

wearing your ring is a personal choice. not wearing your wedding ring may "speak volumes" in some cases, (i.e. sandra, elin). the ring is just a symbol, it doesn't make the relationship. my husband wears his all the time, he never takes it off, and i love that. i wear mine, but remove at night, when cleaning, etc. i love wearing my ring...it's a personal choice. everyone feels differently about it. but it's just a symbol...it doesn't make your relationship/marriage work...you do.

By june

My husband and I have been maried for 40 years. We have had a strong bond for 45 years. We wore our rings for 5 years and we grew out of them. For our 25th anniversary we had them resized and now we have outgrown them again. We are very happy and the rings, although have a precious place in our hearts, have not made us faithful or not. Yes, they are symbols, but....What other people think is their problem.

By Trisha

I haven't worn my wedding ring in years because it no longer fits. We talk about getting it sized, but would rather spend that money on something for the family. My husband didn't wear his ring for years because it was a hazard at work. Not wearing our rings daily doesn't mean that our marriage is in trouble or that we love each other less. I'm sure you know people that make a big show of their wedding rings, but the marriage just doesn't work. Your feelings for each other are what make you married, not a piece of jewelry.

By mshampasz

We have been married for 32 years. My husband took his ring off when he flew (Navy). I have never taken mine off. When he quit flying he quit taking his ring off.
A ring, however, is just a symbol. It does not make a marriage. What two people feel and how they treat each other is what is important.

By bob gomez

It speaks volumes but every person is different and it can send several messages. If you are a person that has never worn your ring and then all of a sudden you start that sends a message. The same way a person that never takes it off suddenly takes it off.

By heavywilliams

When my sister (age 9)lost a ring finger, because her ring snaged a fense. I swore never to wear jewelry again. Been happily married for 15 years, I will never wear a ring or necklace. The finger itself, after being torn off, could not be reattached. I can still remember her screams, and I had to go
find the finger. True Story....30 years ago -Baltimore

By Shaughn

In my opinion, I think if you always wear your ring and you take it off for reasons other than cleaning it or risk of ruining it, then yes it is a big deal. If you are the type of person who doesn't wear a ring on a regular basis, then no it doesn't matter. A ring is only as symbolic as the wearer makes it.
I gave my Husband a diamond band for his birthday and he prefers to wear that ring instead of his original wedding band which currently rests above mine on my finger. Does it bother me that he doesn't wear the ring he was married with... No. But I do like to see a ring on his finger! I've worn my band for 20 years now and I feel naked without it. That's just the way I am. The marriage is made and broken in your heart. As long as you are still in love, then a ring doesn't really matter. To each his/her own!

By Karl Fahlbusch

We have been married 56 yrs this july 11 th...........I almost lost a finger because of my ring when we were married lees than 2 yrs. since then I have NEVER worn a ring (wedding or otherwise) and also do NOT wear any other jewelry...not even a watch....seems my marriage had nothing to do with wearing the ring, huh ??

By Michael Butcher

My wife had an affair and after I found out she took off her ring to please her new boyfriend...It broke my heart that she took it off. We got back together and I got revenge sex but i didnt take my ring off. My revenge girl new that when my wife came back, she was out. Been with my wife 26 years.

By jem63132

My husband and I have been married for over 21 years. I was never a big jewelry wearer before we were married and either was he. We both stopped consistently wearing our rings within the first year. We have both misplaced our rings many times for months at a time. Has all 21+ years been great? No. But that did not change whether we were the rings or not. No one seems to notice or at least they don't say anything to us and when we have gone places where no one knows us, most people can tell we are very married.

By Sharon

That is perfectly fine. But sometimes there are partners who take off their rings when going out to appear "single."

By DEBBIE C

MY HUSBAND AND I WILL BE MARRIED 30 YEARS IN JUNE. I STILL FEEL LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY ( no seriously!).I DO NOT TAKE MY RING OFF EVER, BUT MY HUSBAND CANNOT WEAR HIS TO WORK BECAUSE HE WORKS IN THE ELEVATOR INDUSTRY AND IT IS TOO DANGEROUS. THAT IS JUST THE WAY IT IS. IT DOES'T MEAN HE IS ANY LESS MARRIED DURING THE WORK WEEK YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

By bassfishga

I still wear mine everyday but my wife chunked her's one night when she was mad at me 5 years ago. I sometimes take it off to chop wood but that is it.

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