The Wedding Ring Thing: Is Sandra Bullock's Bare Finger a Big Deal? Readers Tell Us
By The Pop Chorus Posted Apr 20th 2010 04:25PM
In the first clear photograph taken of Sandra Bullock since Jesse James' infidelities were made public, the Oscar winner is seen hiking in Northern California...without her wedding ring. While we have every reason to believe Sandra and Jesse will divorce, nothing is set in stone, and the story got us wondering: Is a missing wedding ring a sure sign of anything, or is it sometimes just not a big deal? We turned to our readers, the Pop Chorus, for their stories and opinions:
Cecelia Haack says: "I am happily married and rarely wear a wedding ring. My husband and I were married by a village mayor in Greenland 20 years ago, at end of a 600-mile sea kayaking expedition. We didn't have rings for the ceremony and felt we were truly lucky to be wearing clean clothes. We believe the health of our marriage isn't represented by a wedding ring but in how we treat each other at the breakfast table."
Read on for more from the Pop Chorus, as well as what you said on Facebook.
Megan McClain says: "I have been married to my high school sweetheart for four-and-a-half years. The only time I've taken off my ring, besides cleanings, was when I was pregnant with our son (I wore it on a necklace then). Not wearing our wedding rings is not a deal-breaker in my relationship, since jewelry is a hazard in my husband's profession. But I wear mine all of the time, and unless there's a genuine reason, not wearing your wedding rings speaks volumes."
Megan Champion says: "The alarm goes off, my husband rouses me out of bed. It's Monday morning, and I have to get our son off to school in an hour. I'm half asleep, stumbling to find the coffee pot and make breakfast. The last thing on my mind? Putting my wedding ring back on. It's safely tucked away in my jewelry box, where I laid it yesterday when I decided to work in the garden. It will more than likely remain there for a few more days before it occurs to me that I'm not wearing it. Hubby thinks nothing of it and neither do I. After all, judging by the last argument over who left a wet towel lying on the bathroom floor, we are still very much married. Who cares if anyone else thinks differently? As our 7-year-old would say, 'It's none of your beeswax.'"
Pat Cooney says: "Mine was a modest, slender circle of gold with small diamonds set across the front. In stormy times, I took it off in defiance. Once, I stashed it in a cookbook and found it months later crusted with bread dough, a bookmark on an afternoon of apparently angry baking. Usually, I put it away for the tenure of my dismay du jour, tucked into a carved box with other precious, painful artifacts. My husband unwittingly threw that box away. This much I know is true: The ring is no less a symbol in its absence."
Janice Forrest says: "In 1994, I married my soul mate. Eight years later, we started our family. That's when I stopped wearing my wedding ring. It wasn't because the marriage was over. It wasn't because we fell out of love. It was simply this: My fingers were swollen during my pregnancy and the ring didn't fit anymore. We now have three lovely children. The swollen fingers continued to plague me beyond my pregnancies, so on most days, I go about my business without a wedding ring. I've come to understand that it's just a shiny piece of metal. The real bond of our marriage is the love we have for each other and our family."
Gail Morales says: "While I would often forget to wear my engagement ring, or I would take it off to do chores so as not to damage the diamonds, my wedding ring never came off unless it needed cleaning. The first time I took off my wedding ring in the eight years I had been married (and it didn't need cleaning...) was a devastating day I will never forget. It was symbolic of the slow demise of my marriage. First, I took off my engagement ring and put it in my jewelry box. Then I put my wedding ring on my right hand and wore it that way for months. Lastly, I took the ring off completely and placed it with my engagement ring. The small, incremental changes I made with the rings mirrored the terrifying demise of a marriage I thought was forever. Yes, taking off your wedding ring matters. A lot."
Here's what you had to say on Facebook:
Gelisa Keekee Longmire says: "My husband and I had a habit of [taking off our rings]. Whenever we would get into arguments, we would be quick to take our rings off. It never meant our marriage was over. Our rings were symbols of the significant other and at the time of an argument, we simply didn't want to be reminded of the other. But we don't do that anymore."
Pam Olivieri Graham says: "I never wear my ring... I haven't worn my ring since 20 years ago when my daughter was born. It is just not that important to me. I can't believe how much people notice though. When my husband and I were out at a bar, we met another couple. They asked us if we were divorced. We both think its weird that it means so much to people whether you have a ring on or not. We are happily married and don't need jewelry to prove to the world that our relationship is good."
Vicki Watrous Zink says: "I always wear my ring. It is very significant to me. I am proud to say I am married and very committed to my husband. He wears his all the time as well. We actually started wearing them a few months before we got married."
Sondra Rankin says: "My parents have been married over 36 years, and my father has NEVER worn a wedding ring. He was a boilermaker/welder and was unable to wear a ring because of his labor. My mom has never minded, and they are as deeply in love today as they were when the met. I don't look at somebody's hand and judge. It means nothing to me."
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