The Wedding Ring Thing: Is Sandra Bullock's Bare Finger a Big Deal? Readers Tell Us

By The Pop Chorus Posted Apr 20th 2010 04:25PM

In the first clear photograph taken of Sandra Bullock since Jesse James' infidelities were made public, the Oscar winner is seen hiking in Northern California...without her wedding ring. While we have every reason to believe Sandra and Jesse will divorce, nothing is set in stone, and the story got us wondering: Is a missing wedding ring a sure sign of anything, or is it sometimes just not a big deal? We turned to our readers, the Pop Chorus, for their stories and opinions:

Cecelia Haack says: "I am happily married and rarely wear a wedding ring. My husband and I were married by a village mayor in Greenland 20 years ago, at end of a 600-mile sea kayaking expedition. We didn't have rings for the ceremony and felt we were truly lucky to be wearing clean clothes. We believe the health of our marriage isn't represented by a wedding ring but in how we treat each other at the breakfast table."

Read on for more from the Pop Chorus, as well as what you said on Facebook.

Megan McClain says: "I have been married to my high school sweetheart for four-and-a-half years. The only time I've taken off my ring, besides cleanings, was when I was pregnant with our son (I wore it on a necklace then). Not wearing our wedding rings is not a deal-breaker in my relationship, since jewelry is a hazard in my husband's profession. But I wear mine all of the time, and unless there's a genuine reason, not wearing your wedding rings speaks volumes."

Megan Champion says: "The alarm goes off, my husband rouses me out of bed. It's Monday morning, and I have to get our son off to school in an hour. I'm half asleep, stumbling to find the coffee pot and make breakfast. The last thing on my mind? Putting my wedding ring back on. It's safely tucked away in my jewelry box, where I laid it yesterday when I decided to work in the garden. It will more than likely remain there for a few more days before it occurs to me that I'm not wearing it. Hubby thinks nothing of it and neither do I. After all, judging by the last argument over who left a wet towel lying on the bathroom floor, we are still very much married. Who cares if anyone else thinks differently? As our 7-year-old would say, 'It's none of your beeswax.'"

Pat Cooney says: "Mine was a modest, slender circle of gold with small diamonds set across the front. In stormy times, I took it off in defiance. Once, I stashed it in a cookbook and found it months later crusted with bread dough, a bookmark on an afternoon of apparently angry baking. Usually, I put it away for the tenure of my dismay du jour, tucked into a carved box with other precious, painful artifacts. My husband unwittingly threw that box away. This much I know is true: The ring is no less a symbol in its absence."

Janice Forrest says: "In 1994, I married my soul mate. Eight years later, we started our family. That's when I stopped wearing my wedding ring. It wasn't because the marriage was over. It wasn't because we fell out of love. It was simply this: My fingers were swollen during my pregnancy and the ring didn't fit anymore. We now have three lovely children. The swollen fingers continued to plague me beyond my pregnancies, so on most days, I go about my business without a wedding ring. I've come to understand that it's just a shiny piece of metal. The real bond of our marriage is the love we have for each other and our family."

Gail Morales says: "While I would often forget to wear my engagement ring, or I would take it off to do chores so as not to damage the diamonds, my wedding ring never came off unless it needed cleaning. The first time I took off my wedding ring in the eight years I had been married (and it didn't need cleaning...) was a devastating day I will never forget. It was symbolic of the slow demise of my marriage. First, I took off my engagement ring and put it in my jewelry box. Then I put my wedding ring on my right hand and wore it that way for months. Lastly, I took the ring off completely and placed it with my engagement ring. The small, incremental changes I made with the rings mirrored the terrifying demise of a marriage I thought was forever. Yes, taking off your wedding ring matters. A lot."

Here's what you had to say on Facebook:

Gelisa Keekee Longmire says: "My husband and I had a habit of [taking off our rings]. Whenever we would get into arguments, we would be quick to take our rings off. It never meant our marriage was over. Our rings were symbols of the significant other and at the time of an argument, we simply didn't want to be reminded of the other. But we don't do that anymore."

Pam Olivieri Graham says: "I never wear my ring... I haven't worn my ring since 20 years ago when my daughter was born. It is just not that important to me. I can't believe how much people notice though. When my husband and I were out at a bar, we met another couple. They asked us if we were divorced. We both think its weird that it means so much to people whether you have a ring on or not. We are happily married and don't need jewelry to prove to the world that our relationship is good."

Vicki Watrous Zink says: "I always wear my ring. It is very significant to me. I am proud to say I am married and very committed to my husband. He wears his all the time as well. We actually started wearing them a few months before we got married."

Sondra Rankin says: "My parents have been married over 36 years, and my father has NEVER worn a wedding ring. He was a boilermaker/welder and was unable to wear a ring because of his labor. My mom has never minded, and they are as deeply in love today as they were when the met. I don't look at somebody's hand and judge. It means nothing to me."

Watch the Girls on Pop with the boys from ItsTheReal.com talk Sandra sans ring

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Tags: jesse james, marriage, sandra bullock

Comments

(73)

Wednesday 21 April

By Pam

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My husband and I have been happily married for 23 years. When we met, we were both chefs so not many people in this business do wear rings. After a few years we both changed careers. I became a welder/pipefitter and he became a carpenter. We have seen too many fingers being ripped off in both professions to ever think about wearing rings. And now that we are both older we can no longer fit into our rings, but this does not mean we still do not love or respect each other any less than we did the day we were married.

By Sharon

I had a married friend that took his wedding ring off while on a business trip to Vegas. He lost it. His ring didn't symbolize anything. I think he took it off at happy hours with his friends. As for me, I were my ring with pride. I agree it's not the ring that makes the marriage. But if you started your marriage with rings, they should be worn, and proudly!!

By goodday

my husband and I have been together for thirty years ... neither one of us wears our wedding rings ... a piece of gold or silver does not constitute a good marriage ... it's what you feel in your heart ... what you say with your words and how you treat each other

By Heather

I do feel badly for Sandra, she seems like a nice lady. One should maybe consider the fact that he was married to a porn star before, so that should have told her alot about his character. She did indeed get a "bad boy". Leopards do not change their spots. I have not been married, but If I were married in a traditional wedding with an exchange of rings, then I would expect my husband to wear his ring and I would wear mine. I often see my male friends without their wedding rings and it usually signifies a problem.

By Doris

i have been married 42 years and most of the time i do not wear my wedding ring i just don't like the way it feels on my finger i have never been a ring wearing person but to me it has nothing to do with how good or bad your marriage is.

By paulshuler

love,honesty and freindship keep you married rings do not.I still have mine and do not wear it for work reasons,my wife wears hers on occasion but it is no big deal. once a cheater always a cheater! people are obessed with to many television fantasies and not real life! it would be nice if jessie and sandra worked it out for themselves but if they do not I am sure we will all read about it later

By Frank

I have been married for forty-one years. Everytime I go out to work with my machinery (tractor, baler, etc.) I remove my ring. I have seen the damage done by rings when they get caught on moving parts of machinery. The ring when it is jerked off the finger usually removes all of the skin and muscle with it. It is really a horrible sight. My wife knows that 40 to 60% of the time my ring is laying on my dresser in the bedroom. It's for my own safety.

By kurt

i have been married for 40 years..neither my wife nor i wear rings..i work where metal is a hazard arond electric and chemicals...my wife is choctaw indian and doesn't like jewelry..we love each other deeply....as amatter of fact we are mormon and are going to be remarried/sealed at our temple. so don,t read too much into rings..god bless

By Sara

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ITS A SYMBOL. Thats it. YOU choose to make more or less of that symbol as you wish. People should have more respect for others. What is good for one is not always good for another.

By onabudget2

my wife and i have been married over 40 yrs now. i have changed rings 4 times ,for different reason,s ( bigger fingers,,arteritise, ect,ect. i don,t wear one now,,and don,t feel as if the ring was the reason for us staying together this long. we love and enjoye each other.

By Diane

We have been happily married for 35 years and see no reason to wear a ring. We are both 62 years old and our marriage is happy and alive.

By t44garden

Wearing my ring is big thing for me. Every time I looked at it I remember the day I marry my wife. It still bring fond memories even after being married for almost 32 years.

By Charity

My husband and I have been married for 3 years. At first it was a big deal that we both wear our rings all of the time. When I got pregnant and lost like 50lbs and my ring didn't fit anymore I realized that its not that important. I love my husband and he loves me. That's all that matters. We have a beautiful family and don't need our rings to prove it. I think to each his own. Rings for some mean more to them than it does to to others. I don't think that it means that those who don't wear them love their spouse any less than those who do wear them.

By PastaRasta

Don't know. Never been married. Probably never will be married.

Most of them bust up anyway, don't they?

By mindmyownbusiness

Why is it anybody's business but hers?

Thursday 22 April

By tatytay

I VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 18 YEARS ,AND I DONT WEAR A WEDDING RING , REALLY IS NOT BIG DEAL FOR ME

By delawaredog03

I lost my ring three years ago, and haven't bothered replacing it. I know I'm married and act accordingly. I don't flirt, or give off signals. My husband wears his ring all the time.

Rings only mean what you make them mean. My husband gets flirted with even with the ring on. He doesn't respond to it.

By jabber

a ring on the finger does not mean a marrige is secure!a man that ceats on one wife will repeat it again! if she is smart take the ring and sell it and go out and enjoy yourself!

By Erica

I agree with Lacie. My rings mean a lot to me and I have only taken them off when we had big trouble in our marriage and it caused me emotional pain to wear them because of what they represent to me. I feel that everyone sees the rings differently and you will wear them (or not) based on what they represent to you. This is the same for anything that one wears that has sentimental feelings attached to it. I am proud to show others that I am married. If I was Sandra, I would most definitely not wear the rings! How painful this time must be for her!

By Jan

Rings are just a symbol. How you really feel is between you and your spouse.

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