The Wedding Ring Thing: Is Sandra Bullock's Bare Finger a Big Deal? Readers Tell Us

By The Pop Chorus Posted Apr 20th 2010 04:25PM

In the first clear photograph taken of Sandra Bullock since Jesse James' infidelities were made public, the Oscar winner is seen hiking in Northern California...without her wedding ring. While we have every reason to believe Sandra and Jesse will divorce, nothing is set in stone, and the story got us wondering: Is a missing wedding ring a sure sign of anything, or is it sometimes just not a big deal? We turned to our readers, the Pop Chorus, for their stories and opinions:

Cecelia Haack says: "I am happily married and rarely wear a wedding ring. My husband and I were married by a village mayor in Greenland 20 years ago, at end of a 600-mile sea kayaking expedition. We didn't have rings for the ceremony and felt we were truly lucky to be wearing clean clothes. We believe the health of our marriage isn't represented by a wedding ring but in how we treat each other at the breakfast table."

Read on for more from the Pop Chorus, as well as what you said on Facebook.

Megan McClain says: "I have been married to my high school sweetheart for four-and-a-half years. The only time I've taken off my ring, besides cleanings, was when I was pregnant with our son (I wore it on a necklace then). Not wearing our wedding rings is not a deal-breaker in my relationship, since jewelry is a hazard in my husband's profession. But I wear mine all of the time, and unless there's a genuine reason, not wearing your wedding rings speaks volumes."

Megan Champion says: "The alarm goes off, my husband rouses me out of bed. It's Monday morning, and I have to get our son off to school in an hour. I'm half asleep, stumbling to find the coffee pot and make breakfast. The last thing on my mind? Putting my wedding ring back on. It's safely tucked away in my jewelry box, where I laid it yesterday when I decided to work in the garden. It will more than likely remain there for a few more days before it occurs to me that I'm not wearing it. Hubby thinks nothing of it and neither do I. After all, judging by the last argument over who left a wet towel lying on the bathroom floor, we are still very much married. Who cares if anyone else thinks differently? As our 7-year-old would say, 'It's none of your beeswax.'"

Pat Cooney says: "Mine was a modest, slender circle of gold with small diamonds set across the front. In stormy times, I took it off in defiance. Once, I stashed it in a cookbook and found it months later crusted with bread dough, a bookmark on an afternoon of apparently angry baking. Usually, I put it away for the tenure of my dismay du jour, tucked into a carved box with other precious, painful artifacts. My husband unwittingly threw that box away. This much I know is true: The ring is no less a symbol in its absence."

Janice Forrest says: "In 1994, I married my soul mate. Eight years later, we started our family. That's when I stopped wearing my wedding ring. It wasn't because the marriage was over. It wasn't because we fell out of love. It was simply this: My fingers were swollen during my pregnancy and the ring didn't fit anymore. We now have three lovely children. The swollen fingers continued to plague me beyond my pregnancies, so on most days, I go about my business without a wedding ring. I've come to understand that it's just a shiny piece of metal. The real bond of our marriage is the love we have for each other and our family."

Gail Morales says: "While I would often forget to wear my engagement ring, or I would take it off to do chores so as not to damage the diamonds, my wedding ring never came off unless it needed cleaning. The first time I took off my wedding ring in the eight years I had been married (and it didn't need cleaning...) was a devastating day I will never forget. It was symbolic of the slow demise of my marriage. First, I took off my engagement ring and put it in my jewelry box. Then I put my wedding ring on my right hand and wore it that way for months. Lastly, I took the ring off completely and placed it with my engagement ring. The small, incremental changes I made with the rings mirrored the terrifying demise of a marriage I thought was forever. Yes, taking off your wedding ring matters. A lot."

Here's what you had to say on Facebook:

Gelisa Keekee Longmire says: "My husband and I had a habit of [taking off our rings]. Whenever we would get into arguments, we would be quick to take our rings off. It never meant our marriage was over. Our rings were symbols of the significant other and at the time of an argument, we simply didn't want to be reminded of the other. But we don't do that anymore."

Pam Olivieri Graham says: "I never wear my ring... I haven't worn my ring since 20 years ago when my daughter was born. It is just not that important to me. I can't believe how much people notice though. When my husband and I were out at a bar, we met another couple. They asked us if we were divorced. We both think its weird that it means so much to people whether you have a ring on or not. We are happily married and don't need jewelry to prove to the world that our relationship is good."

Vicki Watrous Zink says: "I always wear my ring. It is very significant to me. I am proud to say I am married and very committed to my husband. He wears his all the time as well. We actually started wearing them a few months before we got married."

Sondra Rankin says: "My parents have been married over 36 years, and my father has NEVER worn a wedding ring. He was a boilermaker/welder and was unable to wear a ring because of his labor. My mom has never minded, and they are as deeply in love today as they were when the met. I don't look at somebody's hand and judge. It means nothing to me."

Watch the Girls on Pop with the boys from ItsTheReal.com talk Sandra sans ring

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Tags: jesse james, marriage, sandra bullock

Comments

(73)

Wednesday 21 April

By chris

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My husband and I have been married for 18 years. Neither one of us wears our rings anymore as they interfer with our jobs. Instead we got tattoos for our 15th wedding anniversary. A ring (like a tattoo) is just a symbol, not wearing it doesn't mean we don't love (or trust) each other.

By Curtis

If you need a security blanket, wear the ring. I trust my wife and she trust me and the wearing of a piece of metal on our fingers means nothing. True love will prevail with or without a ring. Sandra wore her ring. What good did that do?

By jb

1st marriage wore a ring, he cheated I caught him we got divorced. Second marriage, thought this one wouldnt cheat on me he had been cheated on by his 1st wife. Wore the ring but guess what, he was cheating on me with our neighbor with 5 kids.I was babysitting for her while she was sleeping with my husband. I didnt know it until her husband caught them. So with what is now my 3rd and last I never wear the ring. I dont need a ring to remind me or prove to anyone my love for him or his for me. I have been with the 3rd for over 24 years and have never been happier. Rings are nothing more than jewlery to me. They dont mean a thing unless you both love each other. Forget the ring and go on a vacation with the money when ever you can. That will make the marriage work and hopefully last longer....

By KatieCouric'sNemesis

Yeah. When a man or woman takes off their wedding ring and DOESN'T put it back on, it is an EXTERNAL symbol to the world of the state of their marriage.

Rings are symbols: of unity, eternal love, love without beginning or end. Take your pick. Wedding rings tell others that you have made a vow to another person.

Of course, in today's society, what does a promise like that mean? Nothing.

By dana

I am single and appreciate it when others that are married wear their rings. If you are out and arent wearing a ring, that makes you fair game for being hit on, doesnt it? A ring is a sign to us to back off. If I were married and my spouse was out not wearing their ring, that would be telling others he was available, wouldnt it? saves a lot of trouble unless that is what you are looking for.

My mother always wears her rings and in dads profession rings were hazardous. Their love did not require rings. Not a lot of people are remaining married for 53 years these days.Please wear your rings when you are out so we know whats up.

By Pam

I have been married for 35 years, to my high school sweetheart. My husband doesn't even wear a watch, he wears no jewelry at all. I sometimes wear my rings, but very rarely. I simply forget to put them on! As for how someone knows whether or not my husband and I are married when we are not with one another, I am trusting that our actions are how people know we are married! Tiger Woods, Jesse James, and thousands of other cheating spouses wear wedding rings. As for my husband, it is what is in his heart, not what is on his finger that I am thankful for!!!!!!!!

By Kenneth

The easiest way to know if a guy is married when he is not wearing a wedding ring......wait until HE approaches YOU!

By Andrew Ambuhl

I feel it is very respectful for yourself to wear your wedding ring. I am not married, and do respect people who are married. Not wearing your ring is leaving your door wide open to all people, and disrespectful for others.

By none

I don't wear my wedding and engagement rings because they're very fragile and also they're soldered together. I knit continental style, and the yarn gets snagged on the diamond. I've had to have it repaired 3 times. I do, however, wear my mother's wedding BAND. I'm not wearing it right now because I have a bad cut on my ring finger and the ring rubs it, keeping it from heeling. So there IS often a reason other than the desire to cheat that makes someone not wear their rings. And I think Jesse James is a horrible person for hurting this beautiful and sweet lady. I also don't think the rings mean a darn thing if the meaning behind them isn't there.

By Prilly1977

I hardly ever take my ring off. My ring means a lot to me and it reminds me of my wonderful husband every time I look at it. My husband does take his off nightly but every morning before he leaves for work, he always makes sure he has it. He has actually walked out the door almost forgetting it and came back just to get it. I do believe that if I stopped wearing my ring, my husband would be hurt. If I couldn't wear it on my finger, then I would wear it on a necklace. I know if he stopped wearing his, I would be hurt.

By David DeFine

The ring my wife put on my finger never left my finger. It was a sign of my love for her. It meant everything to me as she did. My ring remained on my finger for ten years. The day it came off was the day the divorce was final, and she was the one that removed it. It is by far the best way to say I Love You, keeping the ring on!

By Dean

Its not whats on your finger that counts but whats in your heart.A ring is nice but it doesn`t make a marriage.Love does.

Thursday 22 April

By Erin

Married 21 years, and we don't wear our rings.
My husband's is on his key ring, and mine is on a chain I wear sometimes.
They get in the way, they are dangerous for the work we both do, and frankly we don't care what other people think.

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