Letterman vs. Leno: It's Time to Get Over It, Dave

Admittedly, it was Dr. Phil who raised the topic of the late-night wars, but Letterman, in response, said he missed the battles of January, when he repeatedly lampooned Leno for his role in O'Brien's ouster from NBC. "I couldn't get enough. I wish it was still going on," Letterman said, bringing back his squeaky-voiced Leno impersonation of three months ago. "We both got screwed," he whined, channeling Leno's sentiment on the Conan vs. Leno debacle.

Letterman added, in his own voice, "I said, 'Wait a minute Jay, you both got screwed -- but you're the only one who ended up with a show. How did you get screwed?'" This led, in turn, to Dave remarking that he'd known Jay for 35 years, and that, while everyone had always found Leno funny and lovable, "there's also this other side of him where, and I think he'd own up to it, that he's just a complete boob. He can't help himself."

Dr. Phil McGraw and David Letterman discuss the late-night wars

This sort of juvenile name-calling may be the 63-year-old comedian's stock in trade, but it's also getting pretty tiresome. Note to Dave: The war is over (for now, at least). Jay won. Conan lost. So did you, for that matter -- Leno is once again beating you in the ratings, as he did for 14 years before O'Brien's brief term as 'Tonight' host.

Your bitterness, which obviously goes back to 1991 (when NBC picked Leno over you to replace the retiring Johnny Carson at 'Tonight,' in large measure because Leno campaigned for the job and you didn't), is understandable, but it's no longer entertaining. You seemed to have taken a step toward reconciliation when you came up with the idea for that joint Super Bowl promo and invited Jay to your studio to film it, but Monday's remarks suggest your willingness to put your antipathy aside in the service of a really good joke was only temporary. Let it go, Dave, it's time to get over it and move on.

True, mini-brawls like this one attract attention to the 'Late Show' (and make videos like the clip of last night's remarks become viral hits), so, to the extent that we're all still talking about this the next day, Letterman's "boob" comment has had its desired effect. Which raises the question: Is Dave really still mad at Jay, or is this all for show? After all, Letterman made the statements during a jovial conversation with Dr. Phil, a man he otherwise mocks routinely as "that quack," unless Dr. Phil happens to be his guest. Then it's all mocking aside, and the two banter like old pals. Does Letterman's friendship with Leno also run deeper than his petty insults suggest?

After all, the Super Bowl reunion was Dave's idea, and even the "complete boob" comment was mixed in with a recollection of Dave's long friendship with Jay. Sometimes, I suspect that Dave and Jay, or Dave and Dr. Phil, or Jay and Conan, are secretly friends and drinking buddies behind the scenes, that they're multimillionaire versions of Ralph Wolf and Sam Sheepdog in those old Warner Bros. cartoons. They attack each other during their day jobs, but at the end of the day, they get together over a beer and laugh at how the public is lapping up tales of their hostility, when really, it's just a role they've chosen to play. Maybe we're the complete boobs for buying it, and for taking sides, when the truth is, none of these guys is getting screwed.

Looney Tunes' 'A Sheep in the Deep' (1962)

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