Pop-Ed: Why Do I Care About 'Iron Man 2' So Much?

By Zach Dionne Posted Apr 29th 2010 11:45AM

D'you guys have any idea how much flack I got for not digging 'Iron Man'? So much, is how much. But it was nothing compared to what my friends will hit me with when they learn how psyched I am for the sequel, for reasons I can't make any sense of. I'm forecasting a worse hazing than the time I finally bought an iPod and had to abandon the anti-iPod group I spearheaded on Facebook, tail 'twixt legs.

Read why I'm psyched -- or how psyched I am with no real clue as to why -- after the jump.

Pop-Ed: Why Do I Care About 'Iron Man 2' So Much?

See, although the cast is indisputably dynamite, I've never followed any of the players. I loved Rourke in 'The Wrestler' -- like, really loved -- but that's the majority of my Rourkeology studies (I took a one-credit course in 'Sin City' Sciences). I didn't realize Scarlett Johansson was actually an interstellar supervixen until 'Vicky Cristina Barcelona.' I had a brief Robert Downey Jr. phase before rewatching 'Zodiac' and realizing that though he rocks the smarmy charm, his range seems limited (barring 'Tropic Thunder'). And I have never thought twice about Gwyneth Paltrow.

So why, when I saw the Huffington Post's story about an 'Iron Man 2' press event, did I flip my s**t? Is it as simple as The Superficial's millionth genius headline, ''Iron Man 2' Has Lots of Pretty People'? Did those sexy dresses and RDJ's awesome colored shades and awesome tan suit awesomely paired with sneakers send me off the 'Iron Man' deep-end?

I have no clue. All I know is, I'm unnaturally psyched for the sequel to a film I was lukewarm about in theaters and fell asleep during the DVD, and that's weird. I haven't ever enjoyed a superhero movie that didn't start with a "B" and end with an "-atman." And while 'Iron Man' is a different beast from 'The Dark Knight' altogether, I wouldn't mind having one more comic book franchise to give a damn about.

If I really wrack the ol' brain, I can anatomize my excitement ... a bit. It's just ... Rourke's crazy laser whips look so rad! And you could fashion a whole Bingo card outta the A-listers in the cast! And the slick trailers (I've watched the second one a dozen times...) made my heart pump and my head forget how hard I tune out as soon as shiny CGI takes over a scene. And I touched on realizing Scarlett Johansson's babeosity earlier -- but seriously, she is a fox, and this is the first new film I've cared about since comprehending said foxiness. The slew of sweet 'Iron Man' toys on my editor's desk doesn't help, either -- that sleek helmet (thanks much, Hasbro!) beckoning me to get my Tony Stark on every time I walk by.

The Hollywood Reporter's early review was salty -- "It begins with a curious sense of panic. Characters talk at once. Hesitant story lines launch in all directions. Little happens until a big set-piece nearly 20 minutes in." And I can't say I'm deterred. At all. Oh, I believe the review plenty -- I'll probably spew the same complaints after I see it.

But for the next couple weeks, I'm in a blind frenzy! I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more Tony Stark/glowing things/Russian villains/punching/jumping/flying/blasting! I'm so jazzed, I can barely devote any headspace to hoping I'm not just being sucked into the franchise hype only to be spat out unenthused and unconvinced a second time. But even if 'Iron Man 2' turns out to be another CGI-crazy, formulaic romp, my fever will be cured. The storm will have passed. I won't get fooled again. Insert cliche of choice here. End rant.

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'Iron Man 2' Premiere Pics

Scarlett Johansson is just one bright spot in the mega-watt assemblage of star power in 'Iron Man 2.' ScarJo is seen here at the April 26 premiere of the film in Los Angeles. Click for Premiere Pics >>>

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Iron Man 2 Premiere Pics

HOLLYWOOD - APRIL 26: Actor Frankie Jonas arrives at the world premiere of Paramount Pictures & Marvel Entertainment's "Iron Man 2" held at the El Capitan Theatre on April 26, 2010 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Frankie Jonas

Iron Man 2 Premiere Pics

HOLLYWOOD - APRIL 26: Actress Scarlett Johansson arrives at the world premiere of Paramount Pictures & Marvel Entertainment's "Iron Man 2" held at the El Capitan Theatre on April 26, 2010 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Scarlett Johansson

Iron Man 2 Premiere Pics

Actor Kevin James arrives at the Los Angeles Premiere "Iron Man 2" at the El Capitan Theatre on April 26, 2010 in Hollywood, California. "Iron Man 2" Los Angeles Premiere - Arrivals El Capitan Theatre Hollywood, CA United States April 26, 2010 Photo by Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic.com To license this image (17248756), contact FilmMagic.com

Iron Man 2 Premiere Pics

Playboy Magazine founder Hugh Hefner (R) attends the world premiere of Iron Man 2 at the El Capitan Theater n the Hollywood section of Los Angeles on April 26, 2010. AFP PHOTO / ROBYN BECK (Photo credit should read ROBYN BECK/AFP/Getty Images)

Iron Man 2 Premiere Pics

Actress Olivia Munn arrives at the world premiere of Iron Man 2 at the El Capitan Theater n the Hollywood section of Los Angeles on April 26, 2010. AFP PHOTO / ROBYN BECK (Photo credit should read ROBYN BECK/AFP/Getty Images)

Iron Man 2 Premiere Pics

Actress Helena Mattsson arrives at the world premiere of Iron Man 2 at the El Capitan Theater n the Hollywood section of Los Angeles on April 26, 2010. AFP PHOTO / ROBYN BECK (Photo credit should read ROBYN BECK/AFP/Getty Images)

Iron Man 2 Premiere Pics

Actor Clark Gregg poses with his wife actress Jennifer Grey at the world premiere of Iron Man 2 at the El Capitan Theater n the Hollywood section of Los Angeles on April 26, 2010. AFP PHOTO / ROBYN BECK (Photo credit should read ROBYN BECK/AFP/Getty Images)

Iron Man 2 Premiere Pics

Actor Clark Gregg arrives for the world premiere of Iron Man 2 at the El Capitan Theater n the Hollywood section of Los Angeles on April 26, 2010. AFP PHOTO / ROBYN BECK (Photo credit should read ROBYN BECK/AFP/Getty Images)

Iron Man 2 Premiere Pics