What We'll Learn From This Year's Celebrity Commencement Addresses

Alec Baldwin will be speaking to the graduating class of New York University. His career has spanned over 30 years, but he has achieved his greatest successes most recently, with his numerous '30 Rock' Emmy wins and a gig co-hosting the Academy Awards. Baldwin has also weathered brutal publicity surrounding his nasty divorce from ex-wife Kim Basinger and his ongoing battles with his teenage daughter, Ireland. It's hard to face the public once nasty voicemails left for your daughter go public, but that hard-core foundation makes up Baldwin's character and allows him to speak from a place of experience. From the challenges of competing with siblings to those of overcoming adversity (albeit self-created), he can espouse the benefits of never giving in. Perhaps he'll even start with a line from his infamous voice message: "Graduating class of 2010, 'I am going to straighten your ass(es) out...'"

A more subtle approach may come from his recent co-star, Meryl Streep, who will address Barnard College's graduating class of 600. Streep, lauded as the greatest actress of our time, will no doubt be captivating. She can emphasize how important it is to speak the language of others, to make the right choices (a la 'Sophie's Choice') and to find balance in a world like Hollywood -- where 'It's Complicated.' For many though, Streep's greatest contribution to the commencement activities will be her mere presence.


Lisa Kudrow will surely have endless thought-provoking words to offer Vassar College grads when she gives her speech. She can touch on how to handle life's ups and down, having first-hand knowledge of riding the career roller coaster from sitcom superstar to character actor. She can also remind the grads to look back fondly on the years of camaraderie they have shared with fellow classmates, who may or may not become their lifelong friends.

Commentator Rachel Maddow's speech to the audience of Smith College graduates will undoubtedly be funny and compelling, maybe even more so for those sitting on the left side.

Graduates of The University of Tennessee in Knoxville will definitely be excited to have former Vice President Al Gore share a thing or two about the politics of life and about the narrow margins that make up our victories and our defeats. He might even suggest the grads recycle their knowledge for the global good.

Former Supreme Court Justice David Souter will be addressing Harvard this year, but I'd rather look at the school's past speakers to learn lessons for what to say.

There was Will Farrell in 2003, who, with his dead-on impression of George Bush, ended a portion of his speech with the heartfelt declaration, "So you can suck on it." Seth McFarlane of 'Family Guy' fame spoke in 2006, humbly expressing what it was like to speak to Ivy Leaguers having come from a more modest educational background as a graduate of The Rhode Island School of Design. McFarlane reminisced that his lesser alma mater having "...a hockey team named The Nads and a giant penis mascot called 'Scrotey.'"

Will Ferrell Challenges the Harvard Class of 2003

If I'm looking to cheer up the four-year-olds, I won't take any lessons from Bill Gates, who addressed the Harvard class of 2007 with a less-than-uplifting warning for the grads, encouraging them to not follow in his footsteps when it comes to the learning process. "I left Harvard with no real awareness of the awful inequities in the world -- the appalling disparities of health and wealth and opportunity that condemn millions of people to lives of despair," said Gates. Cheerful.

These previous examples seem to indicate that who is speaking isn't as important as what's being said. It's the message that needs to resonate with the audience. So I will take my cue from actor Stephen Lang, who will address the graduating class of Jacksonville University. He can simply use the inimitable words of his 'Avatar' character Colonel Miles Quaritch: "Out there, beyond that fence, every living thing that crawls, flies or squats in the mud wants to kill you and eat your eyes for Jujubes."

And to that I will add, "Congratulations Class of 2010!"

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