Jake Wins the Breakup on the Tabloid Covers

By Jo Piazza Posted Jun 24th 2010 11:32AM

This week marked the battle of the breakup magazine covers and the clear winner was 'Bachelor' Jake Pavelka, who scored prime celebrity weekly real estate with his People magazine cover, while his allegedly cheating ex-girlfriend Vienna was relegated to the cover of Star.

To put that in actual Hollywood real estate terms, Jake got a conservative split-level in Brentwood and Vienna is slumming it in a party pad in the Valley.

Don't get us wrong, Star magazine is a wonderful publication, but People magazine is ... well, it's People magazine.

So Jake's cover, complete with the headline "Why I Left Vienna: I Don't Trust Her," wins Jake this round of the breakup.

"Clearly it was a slow news week at People magazine," laughed radio talk-show host and 'Cult of Celebrity' author Cooper Lawrence when she saw the cover.

Years ago, the editors of People vowed they would never allow a reality television star to grace the cover of their celebrity bible. Times have changed, and desperate to remain on top at newsstands, so has the mag. Let's face it, when you've let Heidi Montag on your cover bemoaning her many plastic surgeries, you can't exactly call the pot black anymore. But even though they have bent the rule, People now only allows reality stars on their cover if they have a really good story to tell. This week, Jake got jilted, and if Cooper is right, it was also a really slow news week.

Lawrence says the Jake cover of People is actually a new low for the mag, and maybe for America.

"It says more about us that we are willing to make celebrities out of complete nobodies. They were on a one-off reality show; they have zero talents. They deserve nothing and those magazines should be ashamed of themselves," Lawrence decried.

Shame aside. We always feel bad about ourselves the day the tabloids come out. What does it mean that Jake got People and Vienna got Star? It means Jake is a better person. It means that the editors of People found him sufficiently sympathetic to share his sob story with America. It means Vienna really must be a jerk.

"There is nothing redeemable about Vienna," says one celeb magazine editor. "People wants the sympathetic narrative. Unless Vienna had been pregnant with Jake's baby and he left her and the newborn at the alter and then gave them the middle finger as he left the church, she wasn't getting on the cover of People magazine."

Star is an entirely different matter altogether, and landing Vienna was a good PR move for the mag. Maybe it is because it has been such a slow news week, but this breakup has been a major trending topic all week. By getting Vienna's exclusive, Star is probably going to sell some magazines. While everyone wants to cry with Jake, they want to hate Vienna and they can't hate her completely without hearing her story.

But what's in it for Vienna? Exposure for one. Vienna is a woman who craves attention and now she is getting it. And maybe some cash. While Star says they don't pay for stories, they do pay for objects and the definition of object can be a very loose one. It can include letters, text messages and photos.

We haven't heard the last from either of these two. They're a special breed of reality star that, like a virulent weed, just grows stronger and nastier the more they're put down. And on to round two.

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Tags: jake pavelka, the bachelor, Vienna Girardi

Comments

(210)

Thursday 24 June

By Hi Loren

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Knew it from the start. Once a river rat always a river rat. This girl could not hide her Sanford river rat ways.

By Office Manager

I really think that Jake is gay and out for more than his 15 minutes and that she's young and fun and not at all for him. Other than that, I dont care about either of them.

By Drew

Hey Jo Piazza--Your writing has gotten a little mean spirited after you got fired from the Daily News. Apparently you are the "Jake Pavelka" of gossip writers. Don't dish it out, hon, if you can't take it.

Friday 25 June

By skip

Knew he should have stuck with Allie from the start, But now I'm glad he didn't or he would have hurt her as well..Hummm how many women can be wrong about another woman in one group. Thinking jake has issues tha he needs to resolve.

By Kevin

I think he finally realized she's ugly & saw all the attention he got from the Hollywood crowd while he was on Dancing w/ the Stars.
He is just in the process of upgrading. Good for him.

By sher

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I think he is either gay or had an old girlfriend...I dont care except he took alot of people down while trying to be an actor

By Maria

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You kidding me. He is nothing to look at. I mean those deep lines on his face for someone that young. He thinks after being on Dancing with the Stars, he will be the next Brad Pitt. I am sure Alli is very happy that she did not get the finally rose. He already has a PR person. Jake just go fly your jets and just go away.

Saturday 26 June

By ben

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Well, if he doesn't want her, I'll take her. I'm a horney Marine and she's not that bad to behold.

By monsieurboo

"Star does pay for objects, and their definition of object can be a very loose one." A very loose one? BWAHAHAHA

I think Vienna had too many sausages.

By mw

I don't like either of them, but I am on team Jake, Vienna will say anything for fame and money. He should be glad to rid of her.

By Sandy

I agree with you
I couldn't believe that Jake picked her right from the start. I never liked her, she always seemed to be after the lime light. She is getting what she deserves.

By kay

Jo this article sucks. Could you be more damming to Vienna? Do you know these two personally and spoke with them before you started bashing Vienna? Most likely NO you didn't. From her TV interview...he wanted to be in the spotlight not her. Big whoop he's on people she's on star!! I never buy either one. For you to say everyone hates Vienna is so wrong, where did you get your training, or from the sounds of this article you have no training. Are we going to be seeing you on the cover of people...I really doubt it. They're a young couple who met and got engaged way too fast, they broke up end of story. The media will now hound both of them until another celeb couple breaks up.

By ashash

I couldn't agree with you more, kay! I always thought that instead of getting engaged, they should just date for awhile and see what happens. Reality TV forces them in amazing places, forcing them to fall in 'love'. And what does it matter? People and Star are just magazines to me. All I do is MAYBE give them a glance at the grocery store and that's it! What does Jo know?

By gail

who?????????????

By Sandrellac

Um.............Jo is the one who wrote the article above.

By ngjean

I think Jake is GAY and the biggest cry baby on this planet i have never NEVER seen a man that cries so much as he does. He's probally crying right now BOO HOO BOO HOOO he makes me sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By Palmer

I'm with you! Jake is a jerk, I hope his 15 minutes is up, but I fear it's not. Vienna means nothing to me either. But, Jake won't go away! Whiny and always acting for the cameras.

By N-Yo-Face

Um he's gay because he cries too much? So what you're saying is when men cry "too much" it's a dead giveaway that they are in fact attracted to the same sex?

You're an idiot. Watch what you say.

By gbtw

excuse me, mr. n-yo-face, you're the one turning it into a gay bash. the author merely stated that they think jake is gay, and SEPARATELY, that he also is a cry baby. the author did not say that gay and cry baby were one in the same. that came from you. perhaps you need to watch what you say, and watch your quick rushes to judgment as well.

By Frank

ngjean, where on earth would you get an idea that gay and crying go hand in hand? You have got to have a screw loose. It is just as healthy for a man to cry as it is a woman to cry. It shows that they are a caring person to have "feelings". I do not have a problem in admitting that I cry on many occasions that are sad, or whatever the case might warrant. I've been married for 32 years and far from being gay. I know many men that cry and none of them are gay. You are a piece of work for that statement.

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