With 'Sister Wives' Echoing 'Big Love,' Here Are Five Series Reality TV Should Never Adapt

By Zach Dionne Posted Sep 29th 2010 05:00PM

With 'Sister Wives' Echoing 'Big Love,' Five Series Reality TV Should Never Adapt

The 'Sister Wives' family getting investigated for felony bigamy kinda stole the thunder from an office convo we were hoping to have after Sunday night's premiere -- we were dying to discuss the fact that 'Sister Wives' is basically HBO's 'Big Love,' reality TV-ified. Now we're stuck making flashcards reminding ourselves that 'Big Love' equals fiction and 'Sister Wives' equals fact, though both feature perversely alluring polygamist families and hamster-haven-style interconnected homes.

It all got us thinking -- man, wouldn't 'Mad Men' suck if grafted onto a modern day reality premise? No offense to 'Sister Wives,' 'cause you do what you do and you do it well, but after the jump are the five shows we hope never get adapted to the reality TV arena. Read on.

'Mad Men'
They'd Call It: 'The Real Mad Men'
Premise: New York City ad agencies navigate their way into a new decade, figuring out how to profit from Facebook, newfangled apps, and keywords gleaned from private e-mail exchanges.
Why We Wouldn't Watch: The 2010 equivalent of Don Draper is too busy playing 'Angry Birds' and cultivating his Brooklyn beard to drink, smoke, and philander to the same prodigious effect as his 1960s forefathers. If he somehow managed to indulge in any of these entertaining excesses to the appropriate degree, a heinous 'Mad Men Rehab' series would ensue. Eek.

'Dexter'
They'd Call It: 'True Life: I'm a Serial Killer'
Premise: A camera crew follows a sociopath around a skeezy city while he does his thing.
Why We Wouldn't Watch: It's an actual serial killer. Moving on.

'Glee'
They'd Call It: 'Singin' in the Halls, Cafeterias, and Other Absurd Locations'
Premise: This high school is actually like 'Glee'! And 'High School Musical'! Astonishingly melodious students drop their books and do backflips off lockers and dance and then go to chemistry. Positively joyful!
Why We Wouldn't Watch: Vomiting in our mouths tastes bad.

'True Blood'
They'd Call It: 'True True Blood'
Premise: Those Hot Topic-lookin' bros and brosephines aren't just goths and Tokio Hotel fans -- they're vampires! "Human Living Vampires," at least; people who have convinced themselves they really seriously gotta drink blood and do all kinds of creepy s--t to live. (No joke; look it up on a website from the 1900s.)
Why We Wouldn't Watch: Actually, we'd give this a shot. But it still shouldn't get made, because real life murder and Bela Lugosi fetishization and the de-coolification of Robert Pattinson are never good things.

'Sesame Street'
They'd Call It: 'North 6th Street'
Premise: Longtime fans of Jim Henson's puppet show get a glimpse into the real deal, an honest-to-goodness street in Brooklyn. Aired daily hours before hipsters get out of bed, each episode kicks off with the theme song, 'Can You Tell Me How to Get to North 6th Street,' performed by The Hold Steady featuring Jay-Z.
Why We Wouldn't Watch: Not enough educational puppets on actual New York City streets. (Although Katy Perry's cleavage would be a shoo-in...pros and cons...)

Follow Zach on Twitter.

Tags: Glee, Mad Men, reality TV, Sister Wives