What I'm about to say may come as a surprise. Charlie Sheen is a mess. I know, I know. He seems so together, what with the substance abuse problems, the assaults on the women in his life (lucky Brooke Mueller got it at knife point last Christmas Day), the company he keeps with prostitutes, the drink- and drug-fueled benders and fits of rage.

The 45-year-old actor's latest alleged antics are even more bizarre than some of the doozies we've seen from him in the past. Drunk, high on cocaine, "emotionally disturbed" and naked in a room at the Plaza hotel that he'd trashed? With an equally naked escort hiding in the closet because he'd reportedly unleashed his fury on her, thinking she'd stolen his wallet? Sounds like a trippy scene from 'Trainspotting.' But no. It's just Charlie's life. And what we want to know is, will the 'Two and a Half Men' star ever change? Will Charlie Sheen clean up, once and for all?