
Read Excerpts From Snooki's Book, Prepare to Have Mind Blown

Faulkner, Hemingway and Fitzgerald may be widely acknowledged as America's preeminent literary talents, but none of them have gotten down with
The Situation in a hot tub. This is where Nicole "
Snooki" Polizzi enters the equation.
The 'Jersey Shore' star's
first novel, 'A Shore Thing,' is scheduled for release this week and early buzz has contenders for the National Book Award shaking in their boots.
Snooker's prose encompasses all of the subtlety we've come to expect from the pocket-sized party girl, from the terse descriptions of her lifelong passions to the exquisitely-crafted allegory between her emasculated "juiceheads" and Puccini's tragic heroine in 'La Boheme.'
After the jump, we contrast Snooki's work (courtesy of the
New York Post) with the literary greats, whose talents she has not only equaled but clearly surpassed.
On seeing another person, as if for the first time:
Fitzgerald: "Gatsby was overwhelmingly aware of the youth and mystery that wealth imprisons and preserves, of the freshness of many clothes, and of Daisy, gleaming like silver, safe and proud above the hot struggles of the poor."
Polizzi: "He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."
On anger:
Hemingway: "His rage began to thin as he exaggerated more and more and spread his scorn and contempt so widely and unjustly that he could no longer believe in it himself."
Polizzi: "Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."
On love:
Steinbeck: "Try to understand men. If you understand each other you will be kind to each other. Knowing a man well never leads to hate and almost always leads to love."
Polizzi: "Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."
On the significance of place:
Didion: "A place belongs forever to whoever claims it hardest, remembers it most obsessively, wrenches it from itself, shapes it, renders it, loves it so radically that he remakes it in his image."
Polizzi: "Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn't nearly as gritty and disgusting as she'd seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank -- on a weekday afternoon -- was as clean and quiet as a church."
On the evil that lurks inside:
Faulkner: "There was something terrible in me sometimes at night I could see it grinning at me I could see it through them grinning at me through their faces it's gone now and I'm sick"
Polizzi: "Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."
http://xml.channel.aol.com/xmlpublisher/fetch.v2.xml?option=expand_relative_urls&dataUrlNodes=uiConfig,feedConfig,entry&id=691977&pid=691976&uts=1294086751
http://www.popeater.com/mm_track/popeater/music/?s_channel=us.musicpop&s_account=aolpopeater,aolsvc&omni=1&ke=1
http://cdn.channel.aol.com/cs_feed_v1_6/csfeedwrapper.swf
PopScene: Week's Hottest Pics
Kim Kardashian hits the gym with her new cornrows in Los Angeles on December 30th.
X17online
X17online
Add a comment
Okay, who is the ghost writer??? She's too dumb to know how to read or write.
Reply
And does she know what a "book" is to begin with.
ANYONE WHO BUYS THIS LITERARY SNOOKI CRAP IS IN THE EXACT SAME "AIRHEAD" CATEGORY AS HER. TOTAL WASTE!
Reply
"ANYONE WHO BUYS THIS LITERARY SNOOKI CRAP IS IN THE EXACT SAME "AIRHEAD" CATEGORY AS HER."
To be not literary but grammatical: "in the exact same 'AIRHEAD' category as she." (Here's why: "as she is," because "as her is" is wrong even if it might somehow be "literary.")
Yo, yo, yo, In da house.
Unbelievable drivel!
What I don't understand is why she feels she should author a book, why someone would publish it, and why anyone would watch her and her brain-dead buddies on that pathetic show.
Reply
She probably can't even spell"book".
What does anyone see is this Snooki thing?? She is a skank!!!
Reply
Can you say "EASY" that is what the guys see in her although I don't see her hooking up with many people. Even the guys would rather take matters into their own hands than to go with her.
This is REALLY the best joke of all time! The "snook" can actually write and spell?NO,did not think so, ghost writer,oh my who would put their talents at stake for a book like one she must be thinking?Another nobody trying to make it big! Oh well sad,but the world we live in is really sinking quite low.
Reply
Are there really people out there willing to pay to read this book in it's entirety???
Reply
Yes...both pages.
LMAO..."both pages"
Her parents must be so proud~ :(
Reply
Yes, her parents are probably proud of her. I don't think Snookie wrote a book just for you for you to judge. So don't be a hater. Did anyone ask you to read it? So what do you care? I'm sure there is something that you do that others judge negativity on you. Leave people alone " DON"T JUDGE " Have you ever gotten a book published if so well good for you.
she didn't write any of that
Reply
Well Susan ? Why? Because brain dead people idolize the show...For a little while, brain dead people have a place to spend their evenings...
Reply
Whoa, now we really have heard from the covenant of nuns. You'll all say this and that but everybody knows every guy in town would be on her.
Reply
From the looks of her, every guy in town HAS been on her.
LOLOL any guy who would jump on this fat,sausagelike trollpig would have to be DESPERATE...not to mention blind.what are u really trying to tell us zero?WAIT!!!!i got it!!!!your one of those guys!!!!my sympathies lol