Teasing From Brothers, Michael Included, Still Pains Janet Jackson

By Elizabeth Townsend Posted Feb 8th 2011 09:16AM

Janet Jackson reveals that she "never, ever felt attractive" and that she is still grappling with the untimely death of her brother, Michael, in an exclusive interview with Meredith Vieira on the 'Today' show and Dateline NBC.

While discussing her new book, 'True You: A Journey to Finding and Loving Yourself,' Jackson talks about her troubled childhood, her relationship with her famous family and her lifelong struggle with her self-esteem and her weight.

In the book, which debuts Feb. 15, Jackson writes that even while her hit album, 'Rhythm Nation,' was topping the charts, "I hated what I saw in the mirror. I would literally bang my head against the wall because I felt so ugly."

That self-loathing, she tells Vieira, stems from her childhood, when she would compare herself to her sister, Rebbie. "I never, ever felt attractive," she says. "And I still have issues with it. I don't bang my head up against the wall, but I still have those moments. And I think it'll probably continue, but at least I know how to deal with it now. And I'm in a much better space."

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Ms. Jackson Snapshots

Members of PETA protest outside a convention center in Manila where Janet Jackson was set to perform on Feb. 4. More Pics >>

AFP/Getty Images

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Janet Snapshots

Activists from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), dressed as "Grim Reapers," display placards outside the Philippine International Convention Center, the venue for the concert of Janet Jackson dubbed: Janet Jackson Number Ones Up Close and Personal Tour Friday, Feb. 4, 2011 in Manila, Philippines. The activists are protesting Jackson's appearing in a fur advertisement. (AP Photo/Bullit Marquez)

Janet Snapshots

A police officer tries to remove a banner displayed by activists from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), dressed as "Grim Reapers," outside the Philippine International Convention Center, the venue for the concert of Janet Jackson dubbed: Janet Jackson Number Ones Up Close and Personal Tour Friday, Feb. 4, 2011 in Manila, Philippines. The activists are protesting Jackson's appearing in a fur advertisement. (AP Photo/Bullit Marquez)

Janet Snapshots

Members of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) dressed in fancy dress protest against fur in front of the Philippine International Convention Center (PICC) in Manila on February 4, 2011 prior to a concert by US pop singer Janet Jackson. AFP PHOTO / NOEL CELIS (Photo credit should read NOEL CELIS/AFP/Getty Images)

Janet Snapshots

American pop star Janet Jackson, center, arrives at Manila's International Airport, Philippines, Thursday, Feb. 3, 2011. Jackson is in the country for her Janet Jackson Number Ones: Up Close and Personal Tour which is slated for Feb. 4. (AP Photo/Aaron Favila)

Janet Snapshots

American pop star Janet Jackson gestures as she arrives at Manila's International Airport, Philippines, Thursday, Feb. 3, 2011. Jackson is in the country for her Janet Jackson Number Ones: Up Close and Personal Tour which is slated for Feb. 4. (AP Photo/Aaron Favila)

Janet Snapshots

Part of her insecurity stems from being teased as a child by her brothers, who called her everything from a horse and a pig to a cow and a slaughter hog, she says. Her brother, Michael, she says, would tease her about her butt. "He never meant for it to be cruel," she says. "He didn't realize what the effect that it was having on me ... And it really affected me."

Still, she never told Michael that his verbal jabs hurt her because that was "just the kind of kid that I was. I never did. Never, ever did. Never said, 'You know, that really hurts me when you say that.' I got called a lot of names, a lot of names. I would laugh about it."

"I guess some people could say, 'Oh that's, you know, brothers and sisters joking, it's all affection, it's all, you know, it's in a loving way.' But not everybody can brush it off, and I was one of those."

During the interview, Jackson opens up about her father, Joseph, saying that she feared him as a child. She talks about how her father hit her with a belt when she got out of the bath as a young child. "That was the only time my father ever whupped me," she says.

"And I can't even remember what I did, but I remember it happening. And I don't think I deserved it. I don't think it should have ever happened. A lot of times I felt that my father would take things out on us because of ... I don't know, issues outside of the home. But we were, we were afraid of my father, growing up."

She says she wished he could be like other fathers. But clearly he wasn't. "My father and I, we've gone through our moments, we've had a different kind of relationship ... My father was never there the way I really wanted a father to be ... I would see my friends interact with their dad, and I would say to myself, "That's what I want to do. I want to be able to sit on his lap. I want to be able to call him, 'Dad.'"

"He said, 'I'm Joseph to you. You do not call me Dad.' See, you're gonna start me to going here. That affects you as a kid ... I know my father loves me. He just has a very, very different way of showing it."

Jackson also opens up about losing her brother, "Mike," to whom she dedicated the book. She writes about how close they were growing up. "Mike named me Dunk, and we shared every dream, every confidence. I was his little sister."

She tells Vieira, "We had each other's back. But, later on in life, certain things that he was going through ... I tried to be there for him as much as I could."

Jackson last saw her brother two days before her birthday and says that she told him that she loved him. It was "the last thing we said to one another. I said, 'I love you.' He says, 'I love you, too, Dunk.'"

She says it took her a long time to be able to watch his videos and listen to his music because the pain was too great. "I was in Paris," says Jackson. "At some point you have to move on."

"There's still not a day that goes by where I don't think about him. Not one day. And -- kind of pushing myself, forcing myself, to a certain degree, to get over this because it's -- it's not the healthiest."

"I just spent the night just watching all his videos, listening to his music. And there was moments when I -- I felt the cry, and moments that made me laugh. And, it was good for me. I needed it. Out of everyone in my family, I never had that moment to cry about his death.

"I don't know if it was trying to shield the pain, or just trying to hold it all together because I saw that everyone else around me was falling apart. And never, never taking that moment to really grieve. Really grieve, even at the service."

When Vieira asked her if she really did grieve that night in Paris, Jackson replied, "There's more to come. I know there's more to come."

The interview airs Feb. 11 and Feb. 14 on Today and Feb. 13 on Dateline NBC.

Tags: Janet Jackson, Michael Jackson, today show

Comments

(56)

Wednesday 09 February

By Tell It Like It Is

Highest Rank Vote down Vote up Report this

I'd say many Popeaters leave Jacksons in the dust wherein dysfunctional concerned. Janet, U are beautiful, and loved. Love Jacksons. R.I.P. Michael. Ever love U.

Tuesday 08 February

By Atoussai

Janet Jackson is perfect.

By Dave

That was a touching interview. I always believed that Janet was "for real" not the fake hollywood stuff, what you see is what you get and boy I think she is beautiful. Her talent is monumental, as is Mike's. God Bless Janet Jackson.

By danny

Lowest Rank Vote down Vote up Report this

Janet cannot sell cds like she used to anymore,so its time to jump onto the "dead Michael" bandwagon and makes some bucks off his corpse. She has had all the confidence in the world about her looks,enough to make videos,movies,go on tours and flash a boob to the Super Bowl crowd etc etc...... The book is a scam and the interview is just the right amount of trash to sell it.

By Ralph NYC

High Rank Vote down Vote up Report this

Dear Janet:
I feel your pain, like you I also lost a sister. To me, Michael was like a brother, whenever others put him down I lifted him up. In my eyes and in my heart he was and will always be the best entertainer of all times and I would have entrusted him with my kids anytime. Continue to be an inspiration to Prince, Paris and Blanket and that their father's legacy live on forever.

P.S. My wishes to you are that you are well in your life and that you continue looking forward to a better future.

By Wanda

Low Ranked Vote down Vote up Report this

What gets me is that Michael and the others always try to paint Katherine Jackson as this "saint" when it appears she was first and formost an enabler. As a mother,there is no way I would allow my daughter to be abused verbally like that by anyone,even if they were her brothers! Also,it appears Mrs. Jackson looked the other way while her children were physically and sexually abused by Joseph. She is still making excuses,telling Oprah that "that was just the way it was then" when Oprah questioned her about Michael saying he was beaten as a child. Why the hell would any mother stand by and let a father beat a young girl with a belt as she was getting out of a bathtub? So much for that sainthood!

Sexual abuse?

By Kurt

This is pathetic. Wah, "I never felt attractive"...

Are we suppossed to feel sorry for this family?

By Kary

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I love Janet Jackson, but why they're making a fuss of this, I don't know. I haven't met a human being alive who wasn't verbally abused as a child, or as an adult for that matter. Its a part of life, unfortunately. It doesn't make her better or worse than anyone else. This isn't profound knowledge or unique. I rather wish I were.

By Rob

Rebbie is by far the most normal and real. Met her husband, seem very down to earth, they raised their kids away from the biz & limelight

By Susan B.

You are right Rob about Rebbie being normal. I forgot about her. I guess she escaped all the abuse from Joe.

By LST

I can relate with her, having endured much verbal abuse while I was growing up from both my mother and older brother, and it does haunt a person for life even though one has to find a way to go on and say screw it, the past is gone, its done & over with. In spite of it, I somehow still loved and looked up to my brother, I'm a glutton for punishment I guess. Now I am alone in the world, my mother died in May of '1, my brother died in May of '95, and my dad, (the good guy), died in May of '98, and I nearly did in October of '06 and again in January of '07. For me, the month of May is one I need to watch out for! I have always thought of Janet Jackson as one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen, and I still listen to her CDs after all these years. Look me up Janet, I'll make you feel like the princess you truly are.

By dan

Stop the theatrics girl, GROW UP

By JUDY

i'm a older white female and watched micheal and the brothers grow up i am 4 yrs younger than micheal himself the first time i ever saw janet she was the most beautiful black girl i saw and she's the most beautiful black woman i think i've ever seen and i'm hetrosexual i love men but janet get this into your head u have nothing to be ashamed off ever and you should never feel ugly because i wish like hell i could take and get liposuction and get a boob job she's got the body of a teenager

By jacobrat36

What makes Janet even more beautiful, is unlike Hollywood, she dieted and exercised 2 get body. No slice and dice. Just lovely. On any magazine cover. Love Jacksons.

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