CBS and Warner Bros. finally tranquilized the elephant in the room Thursday, saying in a statement that "based on the totality of Charlie Sheen's statement, conduct and condition" they were shutting down production of 'Two and a Half Men,' TV's top comedy, for the remainder of the season. But if the goal is to one day welcome Charlie back to the top-rated show, sources close to the erratic actor tell me he wouldn't return to the set even if they begged.

"Charlie is furious that they have done this," a close friend of the actor tells me. "He has never been late for work, and what he does and says in his private life is none of [CBS's] business. He feels like they have made billions off him, and now they dare to pull his show just because they didn't like an interview he did."