Grandmothers across the country rejoiced this past week as they were given a wealth of new Charlie Sheen quotes to embroider to their throw pillows. But they aren't the only ones "winning," as Sheen is laughing all the way to the self-created winners circle.
From calling "rock bottom" a "fishing term" to touting the greatest drug ever made ("I'm on a drug, it's called 'Charlie Sheen'") to making sure he sticks it to those who have wronged him, Sheen is whipping out the fighting words.
But what makes Sheen a winner? Check out the most outrageous sound bites form the 45-year-old star's tornado of recent talk show appearances and interviews with the likes of NBC, TMZ and ABC.
We give it a week before we see teenage Sheen wannabes walking around with T-shirts emblazoned with his face and the words, "My conduct is bitchin'."
Check out Charlie's most outrageous quotes after the jump!
Charlie the "Warlock"
►"I'm on a quest to claim absolute victory on every front."
►"I'm proud of what I created. Why wouldn't I be? I exposed people to magic. I exposed them to something that they otherwise would not see in their boring normal lives. And I gave that to them!"
►"Dying is for fools. Amateurs."
►"Resentments are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber."
See Charlie tell the 'Today' show about his "war" against CBS:
Charlie the "Winner"
►"[I was] bangin' 7-gram rocks and finishing them because that's how I roll. I have one speed, one gear ... go!"
►"I mean, what's not to love? Especially when you see how I party. Man, it was epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards all of 'em just look like droopy-eyed armless children."
►"What's the cure, medicine to make me like them? Not gonna happen. I'm bi-winning. I win here, I win there. Now what? If I'm bipolar, aren't there moments when a guy like crashes?"
►"You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like 'Dude, can't handle it! Unplug this bastard!' ... It fires in a way that is perhaps not from this terrestrial realm."
►"I am on a drug, it's called 'Charlie Sheen.' It's not available 'cause if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off, and children will weep over your exploded body."
See Sheen talk face-melting on ABC:
Charlie the "Poet"
►"I've got magic. I've got poetry at my fingertips."
►"I wanted to watch 'Jaws' on the ocean in the dark and be afraid."
►"It's been a tsunami. And I've been riding it on a mercury surfboard."
►"I'm still alive, which is pretty cool."
See PopEater editors sound off on Sheen's wild ways:
I am sure you are already aware of how the system works, they want society to pay attention to look in the wrong direction to keep us from the more important things like many say, I know this first hand I am living proof.
Yes you can I have been clean and sober for 21yrs once I quit believing all the aa crap but I am happy for you stay sober but it can be done without aa
Charlie is right... nobody has ever showed up to an AA group for evaluation and been diagnosed as NOT an alcoholic. AA is a self-fulfilling business first, and a benefit to some by accident later.
I think that people can do what ever even stop drinking! It often takes something to push you in the right direction. I used drugs and alcohol for years and had a few negitive things happena and with my mind I quit. It has been over 10 years now! I am strong willed and I think Charlie is to.
Oh yes, you can cure yourself... I have family members that have done just that with no help at all. Thank you very much, but you are dead wrong.The AA has a bad percentage of those who do stay clean and sober.I also have friends that are now sober and clean for many, many years now....♥ ♥ ♥ If one decides to get sober-he does just that and I have seen It over and over again...!
Ok! Unemployment is up to 12% and gasoline price is out of control right now, and now we are hearing crap from this clown every single day, do we suppose to care? Fcuk ya Aol, get this shyt out of my way!!
I have been a long time fan of Martin Sheen and I really don't like what Charlie is doin to all his family. At first I thought this would run it's and be over with soon. Guess not I do really like Charlie but I hate what he doing I wish He would get his act together and stop this follishnes.
Are you serious? Charlie is a self=absorbed drug addict! Anyone could play his part..the show is a hit in spite of him ..the other cast members are miles ahead of him. don't waste your time caring about him ..he loves himself enough for everyone
He's full of quotes all right. He's full of himself and something else. Hope his one gear doesn't hit sudden stop. But then he won't be around to hear us tell him: told you so.
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Grandmothers across the country rejoiced this past week as they were given a wealth of new Charlie Sheen quotes to embroider to their throw pillows. But they aren't the only ones "winning," as Sheen is laughing all the way to the self-created winners circle.
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I never thought I'd miss Paris Hilton and her ilk, but I really do...
Jerry....I wish someone would beat the crap out of you. Sheen has done to interfer with your life. The reason? You have no life.
How pathetic!! You poor thing.
Reply
Gladly. Just wish the media would stop pushing his face in the news. Don't they have anything interesting to do?
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Well, they have your attention...G.
HOW TRUE
I am sure you are already aware of how the system works, they want society to pay attention to look in the wrong direction to keep us from the more important things like many say, I know this first hand I am living proof.
Alcoholism CANNOT be self-cured...... AA save hundreds of thousands of live....I am one of them.
what a jerk
Reply
Yes you can I have been clean and sober for 21yrs once I quit believing all the aa crap but I am happy for you stay sober but it can be done without aa
Charlie is right... nobody has ever showed up to an AA group for evaluation and been diagnosed as NOT an alcoholic. AA is a self-fulfilling business first, and a benefit to some by accident later.
AA IS A SERIOUS JOKE IF YOU ATTEND YOU ARE A QUITTER WHO ISNT GROWN ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF YOU PROBLEMS YOURSELF LOSERS.
I think that people can do what ever even stop drinking! It often takes something to push you in the right direction. I used drugs and alcohol for years and had a few negitive things happena and with my mind I quit. It has been over 10 years now! I am strong willed and I think Charlie is to.
Oh yes, you can cure yourself... I have family members that have done just that with no help at all. Thank you very much, but you are dead wrong.The AA has a bad percentage of those who do stay clean and sober.I also have friends that are now sober and clean for many, many years now....♥ ♥ ♥ If one decides to get sober-he does just that and I have seen It over and over again...!
Ok! Unemployment is up to 12% and gasoline price is out of control right now, and now we are hearing crap from this clown every single day, do we suppose to care? Fcuk ya Aol, get this shyt out of my way!!
Reply
2 words for charlie sheen - SHUT UP!!
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I feel sorry for Martin!
Reply
I have been a long time fan of Martin Sheen and I really don't like what Charlie is doin to all his family. At first I thought this would run it's and be over with soon. Guess not I do really like Charlie but I hate what he doing I wish He would get his act together and stop this follishnes.
I agree he show up for work, has a #1 show, what ever he does in his private life not our business, no one can ever replace him
Reply
Are you serious? Charlie is a self=absorbed drug addict! Anyone could play his part..the show is a hit in spite of him ..the other cast members are miles ahead of him. don't waste your time caring about him ..he loves himself enough for everyone
He's full of quotes all right. He's full of himself and something else. Hope his one gear doesn't hit sudden stop. But then he won't be around to hear us tell him: told you so.
Reply