5 Things We Learned Reading Tina Fey's 'Bossypants'
1) Lorne Michaels does not like it when you finish his sentences:
2) Amy Poehler doesn't [bleep]ing care if you think she's crass:
"The only advice anyone had given me about meeting with Lorne was 'Whatever you do, don't finish his sentences.' A Chicago actress I knew had apparently made that mistake and she believed it cost her the job. When I was eventually ushered into his office, I sat down, determined not to blow it. Lorne said, 'So you're from...'
It seemed to hang there forever. Why wasn't he finishing the question? If I answered now, would this count as my talking over him? I couldn't remember how normal human speech patterns worked. Another five seconds went by, and still no more sentence from Lorne. Oh, God. When I flew back to Chicago the next day they were going to say, 'How was your meeting with Lorne Michaels?' And I would reply, 'He said 'So you're from' and then we sat there for an hour and then a girl came in and asked me to leave.'"
3) If your cruise ship is going down, the dancers and musicians are in charge of your life. We say specifically "in charge of" as opposed to "responsible for" because, well:
"Amy was in the middle of some ... nonsense ... and she did something vulgar as a joke. I can't remember what it was exactly, except it was dirty and loud and 'unladylike.'
Jimmy Fallon, who was arguably the star of the show at the time, turned to her and in a faux-squeamish voice said, 'Stop that! It's not cute! I don't like it.'
Amy dropped what she was doing, went black in the eyes for a second and wheeled around on him. 'I don't f**king care if you like it.' Jimmy was visibly startled. Amy went right back to enjoying her ridiculous bit. (I should make it clear that Jimmy and Amy are very good friends and there was never any real beef between them. Insert penis joke here.)"
4) Professional photo shoots take a mind-numbing amount of time to prep:
"In the event of an emergency, it is the entertainers who are in charge of the lifeboats. Because the rest of the crew has actual nautical duties, the kids from Fiesta Caliente are trained to man the lifeboats. If you ever have to get on a lifeboat, the person in charge of your safety will likely be a nineteen-year-old dancer from Tampa who just had a fight with his boyfriend about the new Rihanna video. James also told me that each lifeboat has a gun on it and that once a lifeboat is in the water, the performer-lifeboat captain is trained to shoot anyone who is disruptive. This is apparently legal in accordance with maritime law."
5) The recipe for surefire success includes a heaping portion of Alec Baldwin:
"Just two to three hours after your arrival, you are ready to be taken to the photographer and shot."
Get your copy of Tina Fey's 'Bossypants' on Amazon >>
"NBC executives must have seen something of value in my quirky and unique pilot (Alec Baldwin) because they decided for some reason (Alec Baldwin) to 'pick it up.' This means they agreed to make eleven more episodes and maybe show them on TV."
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