Kara DioGuardi on Sex Abuse and 'Fumbling' 'Idol'

By Nicki Gostin Posted Apr 26th 2011 08:35PM

For most of America, Kara DioGuardi is best known for her brief and widely dissected stint as a judge on 'American Idol,' and oh yes, flashing her bikini during the season eight finale. But she is much, much more as evidenced in her new memoir, 'A Helluva High Note.' DioGuardi is a Grammy-nominated songwriter whose songs have appeared on massive albums by Pink, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, but besides being a talented songster, she writes honestly about her eating disorder, struggles to succeed in a male-dominated business and what she honestly thinks about Simon Cowell.

In our lengthy chat, DioGuardi tells PopEater about her confusing final days on 'Idol' and her up-and-down relationship with Simon Cowell. She also opens up about the trifecta of heartache in the book: she was molested as a child and was date-raped and had a eating disorder in her 20s.

Was this book hard to write?
It was. It's always difficult to go back in time and face the past again. I mean I'm in a different place now, thank God, so I'm kind of coming from a more positive place because I've come through much stronger because of it.

It seems like the event that has defined you the most is your mother's illness and death.
Yeah, I mean once you've changed your own parent's diapers and picked them up off the floor and held their hand when they were dying, everything else pales in comparison. I can face anything.

Songwriting is such a hard business to crack.
It's really tough. I keep getting these questions, "Oh you went through all these things, it was so difficult, why did you keep doing it?" For me, music was my salvation. It was this amazing occupation where I could write about my feelings every day, which was something I needed to do. To get past all the things that had happened to me, being molested and the other things. I got to know myself and I got to like myself.

How old were you when you were molested?
I was 11. (DioGuardi was molested by the son of a family friend).

It made me sad that when you told your mother, she didn't do anything.
My mother was very Catholic, very repressed, a virgin when she married. She barely said the word sex and there weren't Oprahs, it was a different time, but in the last month I spoke to my mother's friend's kid and she relayed to me how my mother was speaking to her about it so it definitely weighed on her and I spoke to her about it before she died. She didn't know how to handle it but still you internalize it like, "Wow, am I not worth anything?" So I think that was something I needed to come back from and build my self-esteem.

You also developed an eating disorder.
I got an eating disorder when I was in high school. A friend of mine had gone to fat camp and when she came back she looked so great and I thought now maybe I should go on a diet. I wasn't really overweight but I just thought well my friend is doing it, I should do it. When I started losing weight people were like, "Wow you look great," and I thought, oh God was I heavy before? And then I hooked on the number of 116 pounds and everything revolved around that. It was about a decade of weird issues with food. I didn't binge at all during that, everything really stopped when I was 26, 27. Now it never happens anymore.

You've been getting a lot of press for talking about getting date-raped. Are you upset that that has become the focus of the book?
I have to admit it's a bit jarring when you wake up and that's the only thing being discussed from the book. At the same time, if it helps somebody out there I'm fine with it. To me it's all about helping people.

Why didn't you report it?
Because at the time music was what was saving me, making me feel good about myself and if I knew if I told somebody that would be what I was known for and I wanted to get where I was going and I wanted to stay in music and I didn't want to be known as the girl who sued blah blah for this because I knew that would hurt my career, unfortunately. In the book I say the way I handled it isn't the way everyone should handle it. That was my personal decision, but I knew in my heart I had to keep going in music and this guy was not going to ruin my chances.

Kara Visited the 'TODAY' Show to Promote the Book:

It's amazing to me that when you were hired for 'American Idol' you got no television training.
I had nothing. They thought part of that would be fun like maybe I would do something funny.

Were you thinking on the first day, oh my God what have I done?
Totally. The first day I was already 12 hours into the work day and that's when the makeup started caking over and you get the drag queen version of yourself and then they're like time to do the auditions. I had been up since six, I had a thing in my ear for three hours doing satellite interviews, it was just crazy and then to actually have to go to the auditions at that point my head was spinning.

You never had a problem with Paula but you had problems with Simon.
I never had any issues with Paula. It was more they brought me on and didn't tell her. With Simon I felt like he wasn't letting me ... and he was the key to the panel. For whatever reason, I just felt like the newbie. But then we got to a place where we respected each other and I learned the most from him.

He was like the cool kid in school.
Oh my God, he was such the cool kid in school. First of all he changed my name to Kara (said with elongated A's). I'm Kara (flat A). He had a rhythm and a cue and a way of doing things and I was totally fumbling around the first year.

You fought so hard to be respected in the music industry and then they talked you into appearing in a bikini.
I felt really pressured. I mean to have gone through an eating disorder and then have to get up in front of 25 million people in a bikini. I mean I don't want to even go to the beach in my bikini. But they thought it would be a great TV moment and in their defense it was, and I was glad I got to give some money to my charity and that's basically what sealed the deal for me. I think in their own way they were trying to help me. They figured that people would like that and think that I was taking the piss out of myself and would like me more if I wasn't so serious.

Were you fired or did you quit?
I called them after I saw reports about the show and they said now that Ellen is leaving it's put everything up in the air because now we need to replace two people so we don't know what's going on. So I asked if I was fired and they said "no," so I said well last week we were talking about auditions, am I definitely doing the show? And they said, "We can't say that for sure but you're definitely not fired." I thought I'm not going to hang around and wait to see what happens, so I sent them a letter asking them to release me from their contract which they would not do until they sorted it all out. I think the reality is that the panel was not set up until the very end.

What would you say to Simon if he called you for 'X Factor'?
He wouldn't call me for that. (Laughs).

Have you spoken to him?
Yes, I have. I don't know if he's read the book. He shouldn't be pissed. I said the most I learned was from him. I thanked him. I think of all people Simon's always talking about the brutal truth. I told him to his face last year, "I did not like you then but I like you now." He laughed and said something like, "I just started liking you ten minutes ago."

Seriously, what's up with his man boobs?
Oh my God I have no idea. I mean they're firm and perky so that's good.

They look like a B cup.
I'll have to feel them for you next time I run into him.

'A Helluva High Note: Surviving Life, Love, and American Idol' is in bookstores and on Amazon now.

Tags: A Helluva High Note, American Idol, Kara DioGuardi

Comments

(76)

Tuesday 26 April

By Don F

Highest Rank Vote down Vote up Report this

Hey people, if you can't say anything "nice" about somebody, then don't say anything at all. I presume you people have nothing but time on your hands and therefore love to be critical of others because your lives are so pathetic.

By yemars14

Lowest Rank Vote down Vote up Report this

She is a self serving, attention seeking, no talent, so freakin full of herself wanna-be. This story ran last week and the majority of the replies were just as the are now. She sucked as a judge and is trying to keep herself in the limelight.

Wednesday 27 April

By DEgo red

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thank you Don, it sounds like alot of jealousy on here , I ask you this ' suppose you really were sexually abused. then whats your feelings?

By noneofurbees

No what's pathetic is you telling others that they are pathetic. I suppose you believe the hag and will buy her book. Haven't you ever heard of public stunts? Shoot, the other hags Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian made it into a science. Who cares about any of them. I certainly didn't know any of them until people like you pay attention to them. Please, they all just need to crawl back into the holes they've crawled out of.

By Nicole Czarnecki

For all of you talking crap about Kara DioGuardi's and others' molestation experiences, you obviously don't get what the Silent Generation and Baby Boomer Eras were like. Sexual and other abuse was rampant, and often done by inner-circle family members as well as inner-circle friends and prominent clergy (Jewish, Roman Catholic, Anglican, and other clergy) members. By the way, I'm a Jewish Christian woman who has been abused (not sexually, thank G-d) and has had family members who've been sexually abused (and not always touched, perse. Sexual abuse can be psychological and other abuse for one simple, could've-been-worse indiscretion).

By funny

She's not old enough to be a baby boomer. Do the math

By J.Penny King

Nicole, I totally understand. Todays standards r so different than back in the day (my age is 49). Today we sit down to dinner as a family and if the scoop for today is "a student raped in county public school," guess what the topic would be at my dinner table. Did anyone know the student who was raped today at school? Unfortunately back in the day, if you were to say rape at the dinner table followed that would be a spoonful of pepper. I have 3 teenage girls and we try to speak very openly about SEX, boys, drugs and most important the rules that follow. Do not be afraid to mention any of these words to your children and never make it a crime or sin to openly talk about these topics (of course Dad's face is usually red when he leaves the table). Have a great day!

By Diane

Oh what a shock....she happened to have a book hit the stores recently. HOGWASH. So sick of molestation stories against dead people who can't tell the real truth. She was a nobody and still is. I hope this book is on the remainder tables by Christmas.

By vivi

Shame on you.

By mateo3030

High Rank Vote down Vote up Report this

try May 15th.

By mmclairet2007

I empathize about her past, and she's truly a survivor, but honestly ~ I personally think she writes some of the suckiest songs for the would-be AI winning contestants.

By Cyndi

I'm tired of hearing about all the celebritys getting the attention for their abuse. How about us no bodies that have been abused...we feel the same as they do..and they are making money off theirs and people buy into it. I hope she gives the money she makes for her book to charity to help those that don't have the means to get help.

By john bruno

Low Ranked Vote down Vote up Report this

Don't believe anything you write, K.

Same old garbage from everyone who has no money....need to write a book and create stories.

By brett

what a scab!! i think im going to throw up like i did when she wore the bikini on american idol lol....... bikini girl was way hotter!!!!!!!!!!!!1

By Jerry

O boy here we go again, the latest fad for a celeb to get publicity is to cry molestation or abuse of some kind.

By objin

WAKE UP PEOPLE. YOU REALLY THINK KARA MADE UP THE MOLESTATION AND THE DATE RAPE TO SELL HER BOOK. THOSE ARE TWO OF THE MOST DEGRADING ABUSES THAT CAN HAPPEN TO A WOMAN. JUSR BEING ABLE TO DISCUSS IT, TAKES A GREAT AMOUNT OF COURAGE. APPLAUD HER SHE DESERVES IT.

By poisonessgrrrr

Finally someone that understand this is not a topic to be joked about or scoffed.

You're absolutely right!
Molestation is not a joke.
What I think everyone is saying is that 'she' is a joke,
and is making the topic worthless.

Saturday 30 April

By LaQuida Jackson

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU!!

By roland

Boy Ashley Judd wrote like her 3rd. book on poor me I was sexualy abused as a child so now its a new trend all the girls want some attention and they write a poor me book and try to out do each other. I have a hard time believing any of it...

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